Underneath It All
by jennrich2830
Summary: What happens to Alice and Jasper after Bella's disastrous birthday? Does she forgive him and most importantly can he forgive himself? Will she still be his pixie and will he always be her soldier?
1. Dreams

A/N: So dear Readers, Jalice has returned! They just won't let me go (especially Jasper)! This story is set during the New Moon period. I hope you will like this re-telling of the story from their points of view. For those who have not read my origin story of Jalice, "Visions of Love", I encourage you to do so. Not because I'm giving myself a plug (okay, maybe I am!) but also because it may help make some of the references in this story make more sense. And for those of my loyal readers who have also been reading my Carlisle/Esme origin story "Whom I Love Alone", I am working on the final chapter and hope to post it soon as well. As always, please review and let me know what you think! I love hearing from my readers!

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials. I also claim no rights to the Poe poem featured in this chapter.

Underneath It All

Chapter 1: Dreams

**Jasper's POV**

It had finally happened. What I'd feared all these years had come true.

With one weak moment, I'd destroyed my family—our life. My love.

I stopped running and looked around the vast snowy whiteness. It glittered in the moonlight like a million diamonds. It wasn't my first trek across Alaska—trying to outrun my past, my weakness. Alice.

I'd done this years before when my pixie and I had first found the Cullens and my shame of my past and my fear of the intense love for Alice, my pixie, had prompted my foolish and not well-thought-out plan to hightail my Texas butt to Siberia.

A bitter chuckle escaped my lips at the memory. If only I hadn't let Edward talk me into coming back. Hell's bells, who was I kidding? He'd never had to talk me into coming back. The gravitational pull between Alice and me had been what allowed me to give in so quickly to his demands. That time. _This_ time there'd been no question I would stay. And this time, his attempt at stopping me had been half-hearted at best.

Not that I blamed him. I'd done my damndest to deprive him of the eternal happiness of his love. His Bella. My throat went up in flames at the memory of the sweet scent that one single drop of blood had evoked. Huge plumes of cold arctic air wafted in front of my face as my breathing grew heavier at the memory.

If I thought about the decades that my existence had been washed in blood—those visceral years with Maria—the destruction we'd caused had been nothing in comparison to the utter devastation I had wreaked in one instant. All over that one stupid drop of blood. And now all was lost.

I'd told Edward I was going to Denali, had asked him to look after my pixie. And at the time, it had been true. It had to be. Because if Alice had seen my true intentions…a slight shudder went down my spine at the thought. You just didn't cross Alice. She could be ruthless when it came to getting her way.

I felt one side of my mouth pull up in a grin as I thought of my pixie in full take-charge mode. She was way scarier than any soldier I'd ever encountered—human or vampire. Scary wrapped up in a gorgeous tiny package. But as I'd known all those years ago when she'd first grasped my hand in that dingy Philadelphia diner, she was a dream, a mirage, a vision that I could not hold in my grasp. Did not deserve to hold her in my grasp. I'd reached above myself and for years had fooled myself into thinking I could live my dream with Alice.

I raised my hand to the inner pocket of the leather jacket I wore. I gently brushed my fingertips against the smooth hard surface that rested there. My talisman. My family had no idea that the slim volume of poetry had been with me every day for the past forty years or so. Ever since the day it had come to represent that hope that I carried deep inside me that somehow my love for Alice—her love for me—well, that it would be enough. That was the day I'd first truly felt a part of the Cullen family, when we'd rid ourselves of my maker, Maria, for good.

I slowly slid the brown leather book from my pocket and looked down. There were only the tiniest speck left of the gilt that had emphasized the imprinted title. _Eternal Love_. The volume had once been a part of Carlisle's vast library. I had no idea if he'd missed it all these decades. He'd never mentioned it but I'd found his and Esme's handwriting on a couple of the poems. Elizabeth Barrett Browning sonnets. I'd eventually learned this over my years of high school English and college literature classes.

I ran my index fingertip along the edge. I intended to open the volume to my favorite poem, the one I'd first read to Alice on a long-ago picnic right before our wedding. Instead, the book fell open and as I read the page it'd fallen on I realized it had a greater significance for my current predicament than any ill-fated dream I'd had for an eternity spent with my pixie. The title said it all, _A Dream Within A Dream._

Humph. It was not lost on me that it was an Edgar Allan Poe work, that master of monsters. My brow furrowed as I read on…

_Take this kiss upon the brow!  
And, in parting from you now,  
Thus much let me avow:  
You are not wrong, who deem  
That my days have been a dream;  
Yet if Hope has flown away  
In a night, or in a day,  
In a vision, or in none,  
Is it therefore the less _gone_?  
_All_ that we see or seem  
Is but a dream within a dream_

A low frustrated growl rang out through my clenched teeth as I snapped the book shut and angrily shoved it back in my pocket. My mind completely focused on my self-loathing and misery, I jumped about a foot in the air when the shrill ring of my cell phone pierced the night. Damn, it seemed as if you could get service just about anywhere these days. Even in the Alaska wilderness. I should've known. I think Carlisle often talked to the sisters in Denali that way.

With a heavy sigh, I pulled it out of my jeans pocket and checked the caller ID. I crude curse escaped my lips and I frowned at the screen. Hell, I couldn't put it off forever. But a few more hours' head start on my plan would have been nice.

I flipped the phone open and hear her tiny voice that matched her tiny frame before it'd even reached my ear. Tiny but imperious all the same. And yet vulnerable. I knew her fear that I would one day leave, unable to embrace the Cullen lifestyle was always there, the albatross around both of our necks. On a day like today, her fear was completely valid.

"Where are you, cowboy?" I could tell she was purposely keeping her tone light. I paused before responding, trying to decide if I was busted. I heard her impatient sigh at the other end of the line. Yep, definitely busted. Maybe best to play this one off.

Of course, it never took much to give in to her wishes and with my confidence shaken the way it had been in the past twenty-four hours, I needed her desperately. The stability she brought me, her faith in me when I didn't have it in myself. Most of all, the healing balm of her love. I wasn't sure if I'd ever be cured. I made a terrible Cullen. But her love for me, it made me want to do my damndest. But after Bella's disastrous party, I wasn't sure that her love for me—or my love for her, for that matter—was going to be enough this time.

"Halfway to Denali. I thought it might be best if I stayed with Tanya and the others for a while." I decided to stick with the cover story I'd fed Edward even though I was sure she knew it wasn't true. One of the drawbacks of having a wife who could see the future with uncanny accuracy.

"Did you?" The steel edge of anger tinged her sing-song voice. I felt a small shiver at her tone. One shouldn't be fooled by her size. My pixie was incredibly fearsome when she was angry. Almost as scary angry as she could be ruthless when there was something she wanted. Just nicer about it. And utterly irresistible.

She was my kryptonite. Since coming to live with the Cullens, Emmett had gotten me into comic books. But today I was feeling much more the villain than I had probably since leaving Maria and her newborn vampire armies. Well, if I was the villain, best I embrace the role, even if it meant hurting Alice. Besides, I'd already destroyed the family that she so desperately craved. Really, how much more damage could I really inflict at this point? She was going to be better off without me. Carlisle and Esme would take care of her. Edward too. Especially since I'd destroyed _his_ chance at happiness too.

My stomach clenched and the overwhelming sensation of desolation rolled over me as I saw the shocked look on poor Bella's face as I'd lunged for her and the anger and disgust on my brother's as he'd stopped me from stealing her life from him. All that I'd done for forty years to keep that monster in check, to be the many my pixie deserved disappeared in one fateful millisecond.

I _knew_ I should have hunted before the party, but Alice had distracted me with all of her party chores…and other more pleasurable things. Hell's bells, what was I thinking? It was my weakness that had done it. My lack of discipline that had always been my Achilles heel. It would have happened eventually. Why else would my family have kept such a careful watch over me for decades? They'd know I would snap one day as well.

As the self-loathing washed over me yet again, Alice's voice broke through. Still sharp, yet tinged with panic, "Soldier, you still there?" That uncertainty in her sing-song voice could pierce my unbeating heart like no other sound on earth. But anger at myself, for what I'd done—for what I'd yet to do—caused my voice to be gruffer, my Texas twang more pronounced than usual.

"Yeah, pixie. Yeah, I'm here." I heard her sigh in relief on the other end. _For now._ The traitorous unspoken thought shot through my mind. "Jazz, please tell me you're not really thinking about going off by yourself? To Siberia?" She sighed again but this time I heard her exasperation. "We're not back to that again, are we?"

I wanted to speak up, tell her how wrong she was to believe in me, to still want me around but I couldn't pry my lips apart to get the words out. "Okay, cowboy, I'm not going to push." An involuntary snort came out at her words. "I'm not!" Her voice was shrill with annoyance, maybe a little embarrassment.

I had to stop her before she said anything else. Before she made it impossible for me to stick to my plan. It was time for her to see the monster she'd never believed me to be. Which she apparently _still_ didn't believe even after I'd tried to kill her best friend.

But I knew that deep down, underneath it all, I could never go back, be part of the family, be the husband she deserved because I was the exact opposite of all those things—a scarred, evil undisciplined monster. I was truly a vampire despite my best efforts not to be. And she had to know. And finally believe—visions or no.

**Alice's POV**

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. No two tons of bricks. And the truck that had been carrying the bricks.

I mean, I knew he wasn't planning on going to Denali. Times like these were when visions of the future came in handy. I knew there was a vague plan of going off to Siberia again amongst the wolves and the polar bears. Really I knew he just wanted to go anywhere where he would be utterly and completely alone. Even without me. And that—that I could not abide. I could not live where he was not. And stupid, stubborn Texas mule that he was, he still didn't get that.

But then when I'd busted him on his plan, the words that reached out to me over the inadequate technology of a phone, had shattered me into a million pieces. He didn't love me enough. He didn't want to be a part of the family anymore. He didn't want me.

It was monstrous what he was saying. And I didn't believe one word of it. Not really. My fingers were numb and I wasn't sure how I hadn't dropped the phone yet. I inhaled a deep breath to control the trembling that had started in my toes and spread through the rest of my body. I knew he was upset with himself, confused. _This _was why I'd wanted to go after him initially. But I'd been so worried about Bella and I had thought that if anyone else could convince him to stay it'd be Edward. Though not as close as he and Emmett, Jasper and Edward shared certain bonds—their special abilities, the struggle with their vampiric natures, the way neither of them knew how underneath it all, they were so very good at their cores. But it hadn't worked.

And now it was as I'd feared. I was losing him. I needed to see him in person. If I could be in his presence, I knew I could convince him. We were leaving Forks anyway. Edward's overreaction to what had happened at the party was dictating this move. Ironically, I realized that it was yet another thing these two stubborn men had in common—overreacting in their desire to protect the ones they loved.

"Jazz." It came out as a whisper. He'd finished his little speech and fallen silent. But he hadn't hung up. And that was a good sign. I had to play this hand right or I'd be broke. And broken. After what seemed like the longest pause in human history, he finally said in a defeated tone, "Yeah."

Images flitted through my mind as if just occurring although they were memories of nearly four decades ago. The days when we'd first come together and found the Cullens had not been easy ones. But some of them were the best memories of my existence. I thought of the first time he'd left me in the woods, how remorseful he'd been when he'd returned, how glorious our reunion and how he'd proposed. I saw the image of him standing in that fairy-like white gazebo in his tuxedo as twilight descended and of the solemn vow he'd made to be with me for eternity. Well, now was not the time to play fair. I pulled out my best persuasive pixie tone.

"I don't want to do this over the phone. I deserve better than that. I deserve to have you look me in the eyes when you say these things. And then if you really, truly mean them, I promise, I will let you go. I won't look for you. I won't see you out. I won't force you to stay. Deal?" I held my breath waiting for his answer and I threw up a silent prayer that my words had the desired effect. I heard him blow out a long deep breath. And then I saw it. He was going to agree.

"Okay, pixie. You're right. You deserve that much. But I don't want to come back to Forks." I breathed a silent sigh of relief and I felt the head rush as that same relief swept through my body. Thank goodness I was a vampire or I might have passed out right on the spot. He was right. I needed him to be somewhere that would bring back all of the emotions, the reasons we belonged together.

"No, you're right. Not Forks. Gustavus. The tower room. Can you be there by tomorrow?" I was definitely not playing fair now but I thought it was going to work. We needed to be back where it all began. Where we'd first declared our love. Where we'd been married. I was eternally grateful that Carlisle held onto all of our homes, never knowing when we might need to return to one.

"I'll be there." He tersely replied. And then the line was silent. I knew he was gone. I felt a little bereft at the thought. But deep down, underneath it all, I also felt hope. All I needed was one chance to show him that he was not the monster he believed he was. And then after that, I'd figure out how to put our family back together that Edward seemed so intent on destroying. I let out a deep sigh. Oh, these stubborn, overreacting, overprotective fools! What was I going to do with them? I shook my head and took off to find Carlisle. Once again, it was up to me to save my family. And my marriage.


	2. Gustavus

A/N: Thanks to all who have read and added me to your alerts! I hope you like this next chapter as well. I think the next chapter will get us a bit deeper into the New Moon story and what these two were up to all that time. Anyway, if I could just ask one small favor? Please review! I love to hear your thoughts and it's great motivation to work on the next chapter! So this is a big shout-out to dazzeled10 who has followed me from nearly the beginning! Thanks for your support!

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials.

Underneath It All

Chapter 2:

**Jasper's POV**

I hadn't been there in nearly thirty years but it could have been yesterday as easily as I found my way back there. The glass house. In Gustavus, Alaska.

It was where we'd first found the Cullens. Where we'd been married. But I couldn't afford to think about that now and pushed the memories back behind a dam in my mind. I needed to gather my strength, my resolve. All to do battle with a pixie. A ferocious pixie who didn't know the meaning of a fair fight. Or the word no. I let out a heavy sigh as I took in the huge glass and wood structure before me. Nope, she definitely didn't fight fair.

The front lawn was a little overgrown but not too bad. Leave it to Carlisle to make sure not _everything_ went to seed. I wondered how the gazebo was faring out back…Angrily I shook my head. No. No memories. I had to concentrate on now. Not too much on the future. I didn't want to completely reveal my game plan to my wife. I knew she'd use that against me too. Oh, not out of any malice or anything. Nope, she would claim it was all for my good. And hers. And our famiy's. But I couldn't let her win that argument this time.

It was just turning to dusk. Twilight. And she was here. The house was dark. But not the tower. The tower reached high into the darkening sky, a turret made entirely of glass with a slanted ceiling also made of glass. When inside, it offered the most breathtaking 360 degree views of the surrounding area, all the way out to the bay. At least you could see that if you had vampire sight. Not to mention the star-gazing that we'd indulged in while on our backs looking through our ceiling. Well, among other things.

It had been our room for the nearly ten years that we stayed in Gustavus. The floodgates of my memories that I'd been damming up for the past ten hours or so suddenly burst open and all I could see, hear, feel, smell was my pixie. Unthinkingly, my feet began to move toward the house, drawn irresistibly for what I knew awaited me in the lighted tower room. Her. Alice. My wife. My life. My love. She had always been my beacon, drawing me to her no matter where we were. And our short time apart over the past couple of days wouldn't change that. Well, actually, probably nothing ever would.

The heavy mahogany door swung open, the hinges creaking in protest. I was assaulted by the musty smell of a house closed for quite some time. And her scent. The scent that was embedded in every molecule of my existence, physical and otherwise. I inhaled deeply. God, I had no idea how much I had missed that smell! I wanted to store it up in my system so that when I left I'd remember it exactly.

She didn't call out. But I knew she knew I was here. She was as attuned to me as I was to her. Our instant connection to each other had only deepened over the ensuing decades. Plus, she had vampire senses too. I'm sure she'd heard the door, could smell my scent. But still, I slowed to a human pace, prolonging the agony, trying to gather my wits about me now that she was so near to me. Trying to figure out how I would resist her pleas. What I would say to her. How I could convince her to let me go.

My boots sounded heavy as I ascended staircase after staircase until I was finally to the third floor. I still heard no sound or movement coming from the tower room. I walked down the long hallway to the opposite end where the wrought iron spiral staircase was the last barrier between me and my pixie. I smiled ruefully. Well, at least physically.

I listened carefully to see if I could at least pick up her breathing. I didn't realize how badly I longed to hear the steady rhythm of the in and out of her breaths until I didn't hear it. Damn. She was holding her breath. I just wish I knew why. With longing to see me? More like not wanting to pick up my scent. Or she was so preoccupied she was just forgetting to do it.

Slowly, I climbed up the curling staircase and paused just as my head and shoulders poked through the square entry hole. My eyes quickly scanned the circular room, taking in everything as I went—there was no electricity so the light came from dozens and dozens of candles scattered all around the room. My pixie had been busy.

The room was immaculate, covers removed from the furniture, vases of fresh flowers scattered along the tops. The candlelight gave the room an ethereal feel as the darkness met the light casting shadows all about. And there she was. On our feather mattress in the center of the room. She'd obviously made it up with fresh linen and of course was surrounded by the dozens of brightly colored pillows that had once been such a part of our existence in this room.

She was in the center of the bed facing the entrance. In other words me. Her knees were drawn up and her arms wrapped around them, her hands entwined in front. Her eyes were wide as they met mine, her face a mask. She could have been a mannequin sitting there. Yep, she wasn't breathing. It was as if everything were frozen as she waited for me to make the first move.

I braced my hands against the wood floor and in one swift fluid movement vaulted myself through the hole to a crouching position, my gaze never leaving hers. I saw a flash of admiration in her eyes at my graceful movement and her bow-shaped lips turned up ever so slightly at the corners. But that was it. Then she went back to being a statue. The scene was eerily familiar and a flash of a memory of almost this same scene came to me. It'd been when we'd first arrived and I'd briefly toyed with not staying.

But she'd called me to her, up here in the tower room and when I'd found her in this condition, I'd caved. Stayed. Only to break her heart for good this time. A disgusted snort left me as I thought of how I'd lunged to take the life from her best friend. How could she possibly still want to be with a monster such as myself? It was way beyond my comprehension.

She cocked her head slightly at my snort but she still hadn't made a peep. The tension was palpable as we stared at each other. So often, we didn't need words when we looked in each other's eyes. It seemed as if we were uncannily able to read the other's thoughts simply by looking at one another. But not now.

And I desperately wanted her to say something. I wanted to hear her sing-song voice, let it flow around me, soothe me. Heal me. It was selfish, but I still wanted it. Yet, this time she didn't comply. Merely continued looking deeply in my eyes as the candles flickered around us, casting alternating light and shadows captivatingly across her face.

I couldn't take it anymore and for the first time that I could remember, I spoke first. "Well, hell's bells, pixie, don't keep me in suspense. Why'd you call me here?" My voice came out a little gruffer, harsher than I intended, full of the pent-up frustration and absolute anger at myself for being so weak anytime she was within a 500 mile radius of me. Where the hell was I going to go that I could escape the pull of this woman?

Her eyes widened in surprise at my tone and I saw a slight flash of regret but quickly it was followed by irritation. She unclasped her hands, and shifted her position to a cross-legged one while crossing her arms defensively across her chest and stiffening her spine as her eyes bore into mine. I looked away already regretting my tone and my words. She was really going to dig her heels in now. Manolo Blahnik stilettos. And they were going to hurt. I was sure of that.

Her voice was low, flat. None of the sing-song lilt I'd daydreamed of hearing all the way here. "Listen cowboy, just because you think you're going to abandon me doesn't give you any right to be rude. I deserve better than that. And you know it." She was in full spitfire mode and I felt a pang of shame at her words. She was right. I hung my head and muttered apologetically, "Yes ma'am." There was a pause and I looked up into her startled eyes and then she threw her head back and laughed, the tinkling bells of her laugh echoing all around us off of the glass.

Now I was stunned. She looked at me then, the laughter gone but the amusement still in her eyes, warmth in their amber glow. I found myself sinking right into the depths of those golden pools. Damn. _This_ was what I'd been afraid of. Alice being nice to me. Familiar. She grinned impishly at me and slightly tucked her chin.

"Sorry, Jazz. But when you did that, you just made me think of the first day we met. In the diner. When I scolded you." Her eyes had softened even further if that was even possible as the memory assaulted both of us at her words. Unwittingly, I smiled back at her as we both got lost remembering our first meeting. She uncrossed her arms, her posture softening slightly as she reached down and patted the space beside her. Before I realized what I was doing, I was next to her in a flash. Not touching. My pride wouldn't allow that. I left a few scant inches between us. It was the principle of the thing.

She turned her head to look at me but I kept my eyes on the pointed toes of my boots as I stretched my legs out in front of me. I knew I was scowling at those boots, angry at myself for being so weak as to sit by her, drawn to her presence as the proverbial moth to the flame.

I knew her gaze was still on me but I refused to give in to her silent command. I was waging my own private battle. At war with myself, wanting to give in to her every demand. Unconditional surrender. But that lack of self-discipline was why we were in this situation in the first place. Time for me to soldier up.

I wanted to give nothing away so I froze my face into an immovable glacier. Even when she grabbed my hand between her own and began drawing little patterns along the back of my hand, I refused to look and I kept my face schooled in a hard mask. No way I would let her know the quiver that she sent through my gut at her touch. I tugged gently trying to extricate my hand but she gripped harder and refused to let go.

The silence stretched into long moments. I had no idea how long we'd been sitting there but I knew each second that ticked by was killing her. She'd continued her slow pattern-drawing on my hand but had begun to move up and down my forearm as well, pushing back my jacket and shirt sleeves. I remained passive although I was dying on the inside with the need to take her in my arms and kiss away all this foolishness. Kiss her until she forgave me. Until I forgave myself.

Without warning, her fingers stilled. I knew what was coming next but I still stiffened at the sound of her whispered tones. "He doesn't hate you, you know." I kept my gaze fixed on the darkness that stretched out in front of me through the surrounding forest. I soaked in every word but I didn't accept them. She squeezed my hand as she continued.

"And he doesn't blame you. None of us do." I couldn't stop myself. I grunted in disbelief. My gaze still fixed in the distance, I never saw it coming. Her hand raised up and she placed her palm against my opposite cheek and forcefully turned my head until I faced her. I put up no resistance since she surprised me. Besides, I got a little lost at her touch.

"Hey soldier. I mean it. Besides, it's over." My brow arched in question as I looked down at her. Her eyes were incredibly sad and a pucker had formed in her brow. I wanted to kiss it smooth. But more than that even I wanted to know the meaning of her words. Her voice matched the sadness in her eyes as she forlornly continued. "Edward. He decided we _all_ had to leave Forks. For Bella's sake. He wants her to have a normal life. A human life." She gave a disapproving sigh. Her eyes were now concentrating on my throat. Unthinkingly, I swallowed as my throat tightened at her words and her gaze.

My resolve melted as I looked at the hopeless look in her face. "What are you talking about, Alice?" I was confused. How could Edward give Bella up? After all they'd been through? And all of us were leaving Forks? Not just me? I don't think she realized it but she shifted closer to me as if needing to be as close as possible. I put a finger under her chin and raised her head until her gaze met mine again.

"It's true," she continued. "We're all packed up and gone. Carlisle called in a favor with an old friend in Ithaca, New York and he and Esme have already started the move there. Rose and Emmett have decided to go to Paris for a twenty ninth honeymoon." I felt a corner of one side of my mouth lift at her joke. She sounded slightly miffed. Even though she wasn't as close to Rose and Emmett as she was to Edward, she still preferred it when the family stayed intact.

And knowing my wife, even though the family had quickly dissolved, moving on at a moment's notice, I'm sure she'd wanted everyone to move on to the same place while she worked her charms, convincing Edward that we needed to return to Forks…I mean _they_ needed to return to Forks. At first I just assumed that Edward was with Carlisle and Esme but it suddenly struck me as odd that she hadn't mentioned him.

"And Edward?" Her eyes shone bright and her throat convulsed. I knew she was fighting back dry tears. Finally, she just shrugged her dainty shoulders. "Bella?" Again, she shrugged her shoulders but also shook her head. "Forks." I read her lips as no sound came out. She drew in a deep shuddering breath and then she melted what little of my resolve I had left.

"Oh Jazz! It's all falling apart and I can't stop it. I tried. I tried so hard. And I didn't even get to say goodbye! And now you want to leave me too. I can't…I can't…" She dissolved then into dry heaving sobs. Something I'd never seen. In shock, I did the only thing I could.

Roughly, I pulled her into my arms, cursing myself and the day I'd become a vamp, and the weakness within me as I murmured into her soft hair. The sense memory of her being in my arms overwhelmed me then and I did the only thing I knew to stop the pain. I finally took the prize I'd been craving since the moment I'd left Forks.

I captured her lips with my own and lost myself in the memories of her taste as I willed myself to absorb every ounce of her pain as my own and made a silent vow to do whatever it took to put everything to right again. Whether our family wanted that or not. It was what my pixie wanted and I would not stand in her way.

Why change my weak-willed ways now? Really, I was only punishing myself without Alice in my life anyway. She'd always made me stronger and now it was time for me to step up and be the strong one for her. Because I had a feeling things were going to get a lot worse before they got better. At least Alice's version of better.

**Alice's POV**

A rush of relief among other tingling feelings swept through me as Jasper's lips moved against mine. Our tongues met and I pressed myself closer wrapping my arms tightly around his muscular neck and shoulders. Even after forty years, he could still make me feel as quivery as jelly with a single touch. And I _definitely_ wasn't tired of kissing my cowboy.

Luckily with the vampiric ability to compartmentalize your thoughts and think about a lot of things at one time, I decided to do a quick search of the immediate future. It hadn't been clear what Jazz was going to do and that murkiness had been most annoying of all. But now—now that I was back in his arms where I belonged, I had to know. Was it for good? Or did he just feel sorry for me?

If I'd had a pulse it would've been racing and not just because he'd left my lips to trail his own down my neck and back up to nibble my earlobe. Nope, it also had to do with the fact that he was going to stay with me. I sighed in pleasure but also a little dismay. I _really_ hoped that he would finally stop punishing himself and me by running off like this when things got a little rocky. Although, I didn't mind this part of the reuniting stuff I thought as his lips trailed back up my neck, across my cheek finally stopping with a lingering kiss on my forehead.

He then rested his forehead against mine, both of us breathing labored breaths as we looked into the other's eyes. His eyes were pools of molten lava and I felt on fire from merely the intensity of his stare. I knew that the strength of all of my emotions were getting amplified by his own. It wasn't something he always consciously did, it was just part of his special ability. Which very often made me feel very loved. And I also knew when I was particularly exasperating. But there was always the love there.

He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. I was fascinated by the shadowy patterns the candlelight made of his criss-cross scars. "I'm sorry." His baritone voice was barely above a whisper and was a little strained. I knew how hard it was for him to admit when he was wrong, to show the weakness that he felt in spades. I didn't want to prolong his agony or gloat. Mostly I was just immensely relieved that my plan had worked. At least this plan. As to the other part of it…reuniting my entire family…well, that was going to take a bit longer.

He took his forehead away from mine but brought one of his hands up, letting his fingertips trail down my cheek before cupping it against the side of my neck. There was so much I wanted to say but I knew better than to interrupt or he'd never get out the words he needed to. The words that would help him move on and start to forgive himself a little. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and bit down hard so I wouldn't forget why I was being quiet.

"You'd think I'd have learned this lesson by now but I guess maybe it's in my Texas genetic make-up—that stubbornness and pig-headedness I seem to have by the bushel full." He half-smiled at me and my stomach flip-flopped at the sight. He was just too handsome for words. And charming. And the sad thing was he didn't even realize it. He glanced away looking at nothing and then turned back to look me in the eye again. The anguish in his eyes matched his anguished whisper.

"I don't even know where to begin. I'm just so damn sorry for all of it. For snapping and going after Bella. For not talking to Edward about it. For running off and leaving you to deal with all of that. For even thinking for a millisecond that I could leave our family for good. I just hope it's not too late." I could see the question in his arched brow and his eyes as he scanned my face. I felt the heat spreading through my body at his words. He'd said "our" family. See, I knew I was right. Deep down, he knew he was a Cullen. And I was never going to let him forget that fact.

"Oh Jazz," I sighed. "There's nothing to be sorry for." His head jerked back slightly at my words and I saw the skepticism in his eyes and body language. Time for tough love. "I'm _serious_, Jasper Hale! No more pity parties. No more blaming all of the problems and hang-ups of everyone in the family on yourself. Cowboy, I love you and I don't know how else to say it but nothing, nothing, nothing, you could ever do would change that. NOTHING!" The window walls shook a little on that last "nothing" and he gave me a sardonic look along with his half-smile.

"So, I guess what you're saying is nothing will change how you feel about me. Well, hell's bells, pixie, why didn't you say so? You could have saved both of us a lot of trouble." He chuckled as he took in my annoyed expression. And then I joined him. This was the Jazz that I loved the most. He was so relaxed and just himself when he was alone with me.

The gentle, teasing, loving side that he didn't really ever show to anyone, not even most of the family. And that's when he had all the swagger of the cowboy and soldier. And I loved it. Him. All of it. If he could just be like this more then maybe everyone else would give him a break and not be waiting for the slip-up like at Bella's party. What a knotted up tangled mess we always seemed to get ourselves tied up in.

"So what's next?" He looked at me expectantly. I didn't disappoint, zoning for a moment to see what our immediate future held for us. "Well, we need to go to Ithaca and make sure Carlisle and Esme are okay. Especially Esme. She's having a very hard time with all of this. Especially losing Edward. And then there's something I'd like to do. Something personal. And then hopefully I can track down that stubborn brother of ours and talk some sense into him. Or beat it into him. Whatever I have to do to get him to come back."

Jazz looked almost sorry for Edward at my words. In fact, I felt waves of sympathy roll off of him. I stuck my tongue out childishly. But he just grinned and shook his head. Then his expression grew serious and he leaned in. His lips were less than an inch from mine and I could feel his cool breath. "But how long before we _have_ to be in Ithaca?" His eyes were slowly setting me on fire. I grabbed his face between my palms and drug him down with me into the middle of the cascade of pillows. "Not before we've made a few more Gustavus memories, cowboy." Then his lips crushed mine and wow, did he ever make some memories.


	3. Normal

A/N: Sorry, I know it's been a while since I updated. Life is really crazy right now and I'm working on two other projects in addition to this one, plus my job I get paid for, lol. So I want to tell you guys that I've been collaborating with another fanfic writer and Twi-hard, twilighterz4lifealison. We have a project where we discuss various aspects of the Twilight Saga, so check it out if you get a chance. It's called You Are My Life Now. Also, she has a great re-imagining of New Moon called Inconstant Moon, so check that out as well. So Alice and Jasper are about to go on a little adventure but it needed a little set-up so Jazz could get out of his funk…enjoy!

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials.

Underneath It All

Chapter 3: Normal

**Jasper's POV**

It was amazing how easily we'd fallen back into the normal routine of our everyday life—work, school, hunting. And yet, there was nothing normal about our lives.

Half of our family was gone. The rest of us were living cross-country from the part of the world we'd called home for as long as I'd been with Alice and the Cullens. And the human we all thought would become one of us was alone, still human and still in Forks.

Despite Alice's best efforts, I still hadn't entirely forgiven myself for the predicament that we were currently living in. It was still that instinctual lunge at the smell of Bella's blood that had demanded all of this upheaval. So of course it was all my fault. Whether the others thought that or not, I certainly did.

The havoc I had caused by that fateful moment was evident in the absence of music in our house emanating from the grand piano, the long hours that Carlisle spent at the hospital or in his office at Cornell's medical school, the mixture of sympathy and sadness etched on the marble mask that seemed to be frozen in place on Esme. It was evident in the sadness that never left my pixie's eyes, the dull edge to her sing-song voice.

Most keenly I felt the loss of my brother Emmett. He was the one who could always get me to lighten up when I was at my most self-loathing, downbeat, pessimistic self. Of course Rose was part of the package deal when it came to Emmett but she had never bothered me to the extent that she did Edward. Besides a woman who loved fast cars as much as her brothers couldn't be all bad.

I let out a heavy sigh as the image of my bronze-haired brother popped into my mind. I still had not come to terms with the pain I had inflicted on him and therefore, Bella. Most of all, it was difficult for me to act normal when I knew how very much Alice missed Edward. And Bella. She'd lost her two best friends in the world all because of me. And though she tried to cover it, her feelings of sadness and loss were crisp and sharp when I was in her presence. She should know by now I always knew her emotions, no matter what her words.

But something else was bothering me too. Anytime my pixie and I were in the same room, something was off. Yes, I could feel her sadness, but there was something else too—as if she had unsettled emotions. I didn't know what it meant. What I was afraid it meant was that she had unresolved feelings about me, my role in our current situation.

I knew she loved me. That was not in doubt. But there was something else there too. Something underneath the surface that I wasn't getting to. Either Alice was compromising her feelings for me—which wasn't good. Or she was deliberately hiding something from me—which was even worse. And I was confused.

I sped up in frustration as I hit the gravel driveway that led to our "cabin" hidden deep in the woods on the outskirts of Ithaca. As I circled behind the house to the gigantic barn that now served as our garage (which was severely underused with both Rosalie and Edward gone), I did a nifty 180 degree turn into the garage, parking Emmett's giant white jeep perfectly next to Rose's BMW. The sound of the squealing tires and the smell of the burnt rubber were incredibly satisfying. But the edgy frustration wasn't gone completely.

All through my Philosophy of the Enlightenment class at Cornell that morning, I'd been unable to completely concentrate on the Rousseau lecture, hoping that by some small miracle, Carlisle would be home when I got home. Somehow he and I had not found the time to have a nice long discussion about all that had happened. I think both of us had been avoiding it but now I couldn't avoid it any longer. I needed his guidance, perhaps more than I ever had before.

As I stepped up onto the wooden deck that ran the length of the back of our large "log cabin" that Esme had found, I could already feel heavy emotions wafting and settling over me. There was a lot of unhappiness despite the coziness that Esme had somehow managed to charm out of the large living space inside. I sighed as I stepped through the door. If Carlisle wasn't home, maybe Alice would be and I could convince her to go hunting with me, distract us both from our current dreary state. I headed through the living room toward the rough-hewn oak stairs that matched the oak logs that constructed the house.

With Rose, Emmett, and Edward gone, Esme and Carlisle had given Alice and I the entire third floor to ourselves while they occupied the second floor. Of course, as in any home we'd ever lived in, as long as I'd been with the Cullens, Carlisle had an enormous study that had been made from two former large bedrooms. In some ways, I'd found that oddly comforting—that no matter where we went in this world, there was that constant—a room full of Carlisle's most treasured possessions, a safe haven in the middle of whatever storm we found ourselves in the middle of.

I felt one side of my mouth quirk up as the memory of my first visit to Carlisle's study so many decades before when I nervously asked for my pixie's hand in marriage. As he had in the ensuing years, he'd calmed my fears, instilled in me a confidence that I could follow this lifestyle, really be a part of this family. My mouth twisted in a grimace at that thought. How wrong he'd been to believe in me. And how wrong I'd been to believe in myself.

My steps slowed as I realized the study door was open. That probably meant that he wasn't home yet from the hospital. I felt a stab of disappointment, especially since I'd finally built up my courage to approach him. I turned to go back the way I had come, intending to go up to the third floor and see if I could find Alice. His soft dulcet voice with only the slightest twinge of an accent called out to me.

"Jasper. I'm here. Please son, come in and sit with me." I knew he wasn't reading my thoughts like Edward but had merely heard my hesitant steps and caught my scent. I paused and inhaled deeply, trying to clear my head a bit as well as clear away some of the heavy feelings that were still swirling around me, inescapable in our house these days. Then I turned around and this time stepped through the door.

He was sitting at his large wooden mahogany desk that always went with us. But his large leather chair was turned toward the large window behind the desk and I knew he was staring out at the forest that stretched for miles from the edge of our small manicured lawn. The sun was streaming through the large window and I could just imagine how his skin sparkled in the sunlight revealing his true vampiric state. None of us, no matter how good we were, could escape entirely what we were.

Although, Carlisle was the best of us. And it was his goodness and his strength that I so desperately needed now. Perhaps it wasn't fair to put that burden on him, but I knew that I had to, if there was any chance at all for things to completely go back to normal. And if there was any chance at all that I could somehow find a way to deserve Alice's love.

**Carlisle's POV**

The heaviness in my unbeating heart grew as I heard his steps slow as he approached my study. I had been unable to concentrate on my reading and had turned to stare unseeingly out the window, again racking my brain for ways to put my family back together again.

I still hadn't come up with any when I heard Jasper turn to leave. I wasn't sure if he'd lost his courage or if he'd assumed I wasn't here. I'd decided either way, I wouldn't let him leave. It was time for us to have a long talk about all that had transpired. Starting with Bella's birthday.

"Jasper. I'm here. Please son, come in and sit with me." I didn't turn around as he entered. I thought it might be easier for him that way. Despite his years as a soldier, Jasper tended to be the most likely of my children to flee on a moment's notice if he got spooked enough. I'd always chalked it up to his years with the newborn armies where fight-or-flight was the norm, not the exception. Still that natural response for him, made it most difficult to approach him when he was in trouble. And he was in trouble.

Oh, not trouble like a naughty child, but he was in serious trouble of losing all that he had worked for, the life he so desperately needed. And wanted, even if he couldn't admit it aloud. And as with all of my children, when they were hurting, I was hurting. To the core of my soul. It had never been—and still wasn't—easy with Jasper.

With Edward—he was my first companion and we'd been together for so long, that we truly understood one another. With Emmett—he was easy to love. He didn't trouble himself too much when he slipped up, just chalking it up to his nature and making a game out of how long he could go before messing up again.

But with Jasper—I sighed deeply—I knew that he still had little or no faith in his abilities to follow our way of life. And the way that we all hovered over him, well, I could see our culpability in what had happened as much as his. Now to just convince him of that. For if I did not, he would be doomed to never forgive himself and that would lead to inevitable failure and more heartache—for him _and_ for Alice. And that I could not bear for that would be the destruction of our family once and for all.

I swiveled my chair around and noticed that he'd walked to one of the bookcases on my right side and was studying the titles as if seeing them for the first time. I knew he was not ready to face me. Of all my children, words did not come easy to Jasper. And what others may see as a coolness or aloofness, I understood as a shyness, a fear of putting himself on display. Part of that was his being southern. The other part was having had to rely on only himself for so long. He'd never been a part of a family, so that communication between parent/child or siblings had never been developed. He was still learning. And I was determined to help him get there.

He glanced sidelong at me and I realized that he was waiting for me to speak first. That was just his way. My mouth turned up in a reassuring smile as I gestured with my right hand to one of the chairs in front of my desk. "Son, please. Have a seat." He straightened his shoulders and I knew he was steeling himself as only the soldier in him would for our conversation.

He turned and moved to the black leather guest chair. He met my gaze and I could see a proud tilt to his chin. I no longer saw the scars that criss-crossed in intricate patterns across his face. But despite that proud tilt, I saw the shadow of uncertainty in his topaz eyes. I knew that since he and Alice had joined us here in Ithaca, he hunted regularly. Much more regularly than he had in recent years. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my desk with my hands clasped in front of me. I kept my gaze steady on his face.

He was looking down at his own hands that were clasped and hanging between his knees. The look on his face was one of unease and discomfort. I knew he was completely out of his element and I couldn't bear to see him suffer in silence and decided that I would start the conversation. At the sound of my voice, his head slowly raised and his gaze met mine, steady if not entirely sure. It was unfortunate that Jasper could not see his own honor, his own reliability, what his calming demeanor and steadiness brought to this family that frankly could be a little on the dramatic side.

"How was class?" I kept my tone neutral deciding to start with a question about an everyday normal thing. Then I could warm up to the big stuff. His eyebrow arched in surprise at my question and I noticed that his face muscles relaxed just a bit. "Fine. It was the whole I think therefore I am lecture. Actually, I had to really concentrate to act as if I hadn't heard it all before." He gave me a small wry smile. I smiled back.

"Yes, it can be a little monotonous from time to time. Although that's the great thing about philosophy, it can come to mean different things to us or make us think differently at various times in our life depending on our experiences." He tilted his head to the left and I knew he was listening. But I could tell by the arch of his brow and the tightness around his mouth that he still wasn't buying what I was saying.

"Carlisle, please don't take this the wrong way, but I already know what you're going to say. But you're wrong. This is my fault. And I'm sure Edward does blame me. And I'm still not 100% sure that Alice doesn't. She's been a little…preoccupied since we got here. So really, it's not necessary for you to give me the "father-son" talk you think I need. It won't matter." His words came out in a rush and his voice was gruff, his southern drawl even more pronounced. As he'd begun his little speech, I felt a slow burn start in my gut. I recognized it as anger as it worked its way up until I felt it pound in my temples.

I didn't lose my temper often. Only every 4 or 5 decades. I knew that my children thought that I was the very picture of the patience of Job. But suddenly all that had transpired in the past couple of months came bubbling up to the surface and my original intention of reassuring my adopted son turned into something else.

I knew my eyes had to be flashing with the anger I couldn't contain any longer. I brought my fist down on my mahogany desk and a loud crack indicated that I'd probably caused irreparable damage to the desk that had been with me for centuries. Jasper started and stared wide-eyed in surprise at me as my voice rang out, "Dammit Jasper! Enough! You have to stop taking responsibility for everyone else's actions!" His jaw had dropped and I knew he was too stunned to respond.

I inhaled trying to steady myself. I lowered my voice and continued, "What I mean, son, is that if you continue this path of having the entire weight of the world on your shoulders, you _will_ be more susceptible to giving in to your nature. You are unique in the family. None of the others have faced what you have faced—the violence, the bloodlust. But look how well you've done. I think perhaps that we have not given you enough credit over the years for how very strong you've been considering that you could once indulge as you wished. And yet, look. Look at how you have resisted for so long."

He snapped his jaw shut and I saw a muscle tic as he ground his teeth together. I figured he was biting back a protest. But I could see in his eyes that he wanted to believe what I was saying. At some point, he was going to have to just start trusting me and that I would not lie to him. I knew that Alice and Edward often conspired together to bolster his confidence but I'd never agreed with their methods.

They were two of my most pigheaded children always believing they knew best and doing what it took to get their way. Of course it always came from a good place. Still, it didn't make it any less harmful on occasion. Look at what Edward's overreaction had done to the family.

And I tried not to dwell what it had done to Bella, how she was coping, I had no idea. But Esme and I worried about her. Once you had a taste of deep abiding romantic love, you were altered forever. We both understood that all too well. It was unfortunate that Edward had not learned that lesson yet. It would have saved him…and Bella…unnecessary heartache.

"And why do you think you have been so successful for so long? Think about it." His brows knitted together both in concentration and consternation. It was so hard for him to see the good things in himself. He did not realize they existed because they were just a part of who he was. I saw his adam's apple bob as he unclenched his jaw to speak.

"Well, sir, I've done it for Alice. And the family. I can't bear the thought that I've let everyone down. For all of my restraint, I snapped at the one human in the world I shouldn't have." He looked at me and I could see the conundrum he found himself in, that he thought about himself. On the one hand, he'd done so well for so long but he still felt that he'd failed.

"Yes, what happened was terrible. But it wasn't the worst thing that happened. We were all there to make sure that didn't happen. Because that's what a family does. We look out for each other. We keep each other honest. We support and love one another. Our bond is no less than those with blood ties. No matter where in the world we may be or where we may go. Jasper, this family would be weaker without you. You bring balance, not only with your gift but you bring a steadiness, a less dramatic flair than most of the others. All while absorbing every single feeling and emotion, good and bad. It's an incredible burden, yet you bear it with dignity and never complain."

His eyes were bright with intensity as he stared at me. I could see it. He wanted to believe me. And I could see a kernel of the belief there as well. He didn't just want to believe me. He was _starting_ to believe me.

"Trust me, son. As bad as it seems right now, it could be worse. But while both Edward and Bella exist, there is hope. Hope that one day things will be back to normal. Well, as normal as they can be for a vampire family." I smiled at my last words and he half-smiled back. "For now, we just carry on the best we can and hope that Edward will soon come to his senses. Especially before Alice decides to start looking for him to force him to come home."

He chuckled and gave me a knowing wink. "I'm afraid that's already been decided, doc. It's just a matter of when now, I think." His brow creased again. I knew something was bothering him about Alice but I wasn't sure if he was up to another fatherly pep session.

Just as I'd about decided that, I heard the front door open and close quietly while at the same moment, Jasper jumped to his feet. "Well, speaking of the pixie," he drawled with a nonchalant shrug of one shoulder. "I'd better go f-" Before he could finish, a sing-song "Ja-a-s-s-per!" rang out and we both grinned. And then I was alone.

Well, it was nice to know that some things had returned to normal. But my brows knitted as I swiveled to watch the sinking orange-red sun and thoughts of my first-born son rushed through my mind. I sighed, "Oh, Edward. Whatever will we do?" But the only answer was the lonely cry of a coyote as it howled at the rising moon.


	4. Partners

A/N: Oh my dear readers! So Jalice has returned full force! These two are the most fun to write when they are together! I hope the wait was worth it and this chapter is a little longer to thank you for your patience. This edition goes out to ALL of my reviewers. You'll never know how much it means to hear from you and how much you root for these two! So please, keep the reviews coming! There's no better motivation to keep writing. I've finally finished the Carlisle/Esme story so my sole focus is on this particular tale. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials.

Underneath It All

Chapter 4: Partners

**Alice's POV**

I was trying my best to pretend to be human. But it was hard when the pain was so overwhelming that I felt threatened to fall into a yawning abyss of blackness that I felt I would never climb out of. Of all of our family I was usually the most optimistic, the happiest, the one who could see the light at the end of the tunnel no matter what.

But that light had been snuffed out the moment Edward decided to leave and had asked us to do the same. To lose my favorite brother and my best friend, the love of his existence in the same fell swoop had almost been too much. And then when I thought I had lost _my_ love too…I shuddered as the memory of that moment he'd told me over the phone that we were through.

I felt Jasper shift beside me and pull me tighter into his arms as his lips softly caressed the top of my head. I felt a wave of calm wash over me and I knew that he was channeling soothing feelings to me. I hadn't been fair to him. I'd been keeping secrets from him since we'd reunited. I supposed that a part of me was afraid to share all of my feelings with him, not wanting to scare him off.

I'd survived a lot since becoming a vampire—not having any memories of my human life, existing alone for so many years, the turmoil my family now faced. But I knew without question that if I lost my soldier, I would not survive. He was the anchor that I could always hold to when the storm was at its peak. I'd tried over the years to explain it to him but how could I when I didn't fully understand it myself? He was the focus of everything that I did. He balanced me, gave me stability, lessened the self-doubt I had about being so freakish. And I knew that he accepted me unconditionally, flaws and all. I always felt loved and protected when we were together. And yet…I was still holding out on him. It wasn't fair.

My eyes were closed, partly to continue the pretense of being human, basking in the afterglow of the vigorous loving we'd just indulged in and partly to hide all of the turmoil that was roiling around my mind. I was going to have to leave him behind soon and I knew he wouldn't understand. I could only hope that he wouldn't follow me. Or that he wouldn't leave for good. I'd been struggling with how to tell him. And I still didn't have a good plan.

A deep sigh escaped me as the pain again stabbed my chest at all of the upheaval we'd endured the past several weeks. I was sick at the thought of being apart from my cowboy. Especially now. I felt him rise up beside me and I knew his eyes were on me. I felt that heat that never got old, even after decades of being together, start to spread from my belly all throughout my body. Even though I would be cold to the touch, I felt as if I would go up in flames and turn to ash right here on our bed.

Unable to hold back any longer, I turned on my side to face him and brought my hands up to rest under my cheek against the pillow. Slowly I opened my eyes and my gaze met his. He was breathtaking as he gleamed in the moonlit room. His head was propped on his elbow and he was looking down at me. His brow was slightly creased and I knew he knew something wasn't right. It could be incredibly inconvenient to have a husband who could feel every emotion. It was hard to keep anything to yourself.

His eyes were soft though as they looked down at me and one side of his mouth moved up. I could feel the desire mixed with love roll off of him. I drew in a deep breath and held it. I shivered again but for an entirely different reason than before. I wondered if my hunger for this man would ever wane. I truly hoped not.

He brought a hand up and lightly brushed my bangs to the side, his fingertips lingering against my forehead for a moment before tracing my eyebrow and trailing down my cheek. My eyes closed again briefly savoring his touch. I often had trouble controlling the energy that pulsed through me all the time and I had to slowly count to ten in my head to keep myself from flinging myself in his arms and burning off some of that excess energy all over again.

"Pixie." His soft whisper penetrated my concentration. I opened my eyes to look at him again. He had an amused set to his full lips but I saw a shadow behind the amusement in his eyes. "Are you ready to tell me?" His low baritone pierced me and I felt a slight panic. Oh God, did he know? Had he somehow guessed what I was planning? I'm sure my heart would have been pounding right out of my chest if it could have.

I lowered my gaze from his and instead concentrated on the sculpted planes of his muscled chest. I started counting the times it steadily rose and fell. I felt his finger and thumb lightly grasp my chin and he lifted my gaze back to his. He lowered his head until we were eye to eye. I caught my lip between my teeth and nervously started worrying it back and forth.

His gaze was steady and never wavered from mine. "Alice, you're starting to scare the hell out of me. Tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours." I could see the worry in his eyes and I felt the guilt rise up in my throat, closing it. I was rarely at a loss for words but I really was in this moment. There was so much to say and yet also so much that I couldn't tell him. Deep inside I knew he would understand the part of me that needed to search for my human past. But I also knew that he would insist on going with me, protective soldier that he was. And not knowing what I would find—well, I didn't think I could stand it if he found out terrible things about me.

Jasper's hand moved from my chin to wrap around me. He slowly started rubbing my back reassuringly. He leaned down and softly brushed his lips against mine. I felt myself relaxing into his embrace. I murmured in protest against his lips as he drew back but his hand was still gently soothing against my back. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

While his touch was soothing, I knew he wasn't using his ability on me because my mind wasn't fuzzy. Unfortunately. That meant that it was time. Time for me to break his heart. And my own in the process—just knowing that I was purposely causing him pain was almost as unbearable.

What I was even more unsure of was how I would be able to leave for even a short period of time the man who'd been my partner in everything—life, love, school, family. I thought about how devastated I'd been when we'd only been separated for those few days after Bella's birthday party. I felt so guilty that I'd convinced him to come back to me to now be the one who had to leave. Even if it was for just a little while.

I sat up, still facing him but I pulled my knees up to my chest, crossing my ankles and resting my chin on my hands as they rested on my knees. He sat up too so that we were face to face. His gaze did not waver from mine but his mouth was set in a tight line and I saw the tic of muscle in his jaw and heard his teeth grind in frustration at my continued silence. He was usually incredibly patient with me if not with himself but I knew I was trying that patience now and the longer I delayed, the worse his reaction would be.

I lifted my head and grabbed both of his hands with my own and entwined our fingers. I loved how his long tapered fingers looked against my own dainty ones. It reminded me of his strength. He _was_ strong. He'd survive without me. But would I, without him? I drew in a deep breath and looked up into his topaz depths.

"Jazz, please hear me out. This is hard for me to say but I need to say it and I need you to let me finish before you say anything. Okay?" My voice was a little squeaky since I was so nervous. Sheesh, I hated when I sounded like that. It made feel like I lost all authority. I cleared my throat and started again, making sure to lower my voice an octave or two. It still came out in my normal tinkling tone but I couldn't do much about that.

He brought his hand up and cupped his palm against my cheek, his thumb tracing my bottom lip. His face was frozen in a fierce mask but his eyes were as hot as embers as he slowly nodded and said, "Okay, pixie. Whatever you need." My belly tightened at his words. He was so good to me. I steeled myself to explain what I had to do. I raised my hand and cupped his with my own. I then tightened my grip and entwined my fingers with his as I brought our joined hands down and rested them on my knees.

I looked up and spoke, my voice quivering slightly with the emotions that were rolling around inside of me. "After Bella's party, when you left, that was when Edward decided we had to leave Forks. I was so devastated. I wasn't sure what was going to happen to us. And Edward, well, he wouldn't even let me say goodbye to Bella. I can't imagine what she thinks about me now."

I felt the sadness at my brother's decision threaten to bubble to the surface yet again. Jazz was frowning and I knew he was regretting his decision to leave me at such a pivotal time. But I didn't blame him. He couldn't have known that Edward would overreact the way he had. I squeezed his hand and rubbed my thumb reassuringly along the back of it trying to convey this.

I gave a sheepish grin and continued, 'Of course, I did everything I could to persuade him to change his mind—I cajoled, I pleaded, I begged, I yelled. Nothing worked. He was hell bent on destroying our family, himself. Bella. Carlisle and Esme tried too. He was beyond reason at that point. But my vision hasn't wavered. Jazz, I still see Bella as one of us someday. So I've held onto that. I don't know how. I'm not even sure when. But he _will_ come back. I think the vision hasn't changed because his resolve to stay away isn't as strong as he thinks it is."

I could see the skepticism in his eyes but he just nodded his head. Of all of the family, Jazz seemed to believe the most in my ability. So if I said it would happen, he never doubted me. Sometimes I wished he would since I knew I was far from infallible. But it was also nice to have one person who had so much faith in me.

"I'm still mad at him. He's being incredibly stubborn and putting himself through so much misery for nothing. But I miss him." My voice grew quiet and I felt very small at that moment. My brother had no idea how much I missed having him around. It was different with him. It was as if we completed each other's thoughts. We were a team. Partners in crime. Unique in the family and I knew that he understood me in a way that even Jasper couldn't grasp at times.

"I know, pixie. We all miss him. But I know it's different for you. And I can't tell you how much I regret that my actions have brought us to this." He shrugged one shoulder up and I felt another stab. I didn't want him to feel guilty. This wasn't why I was telling him all this. But I had to say it. Tell someone. I'd been keeping it in for so long and it was important that he understood _everything_ if I was going to convince him to let me go.

"Listen cowboy, there is nothing you should be sorry for. This is about Edward's reaction and going overboard on the whole doing what's best for Bella thing anyway." A harsh laugh barked out of my throat. "Thing is, he's probably picked the absolute _worst_ way to protect her." I frowned now as I remembered the last conversation my brother and I had.

"_It's not going to work Alice. I'm determined. It's the best thing for her." His golden eyes were fierce as he scowled down at me. We were in the woods behind the Swan house. I'd been on my way to see Bella when he'd caught up to me._

_It irked me that he was so fast. And could read my thoughts. It was darn near impossible to get a jump on him. So usually I used my charms and strong arm tactics to get my way. It always worked on Jasper. But Edward…he was as stubborn as me so it worked _most_ of the time. But it wasn't working now. So I'd decided to take matters in my own hands and see Bella to say goodbye. Even though he'd told me not to. You'd think he would've learned in the past few decades that I didn't follow orders very well. _I'd_ never been the soldier._

_Everyone else was gone. I needed to see Bella and then head to Alaska to meet up with Jasper. And while I'd tried to mask my thoughts from Edward by singing Christmas carols in French, it hadn't worked I was just too preoccupies with everything that had happened so quickly. So he'd followed me, catching me before I could knock on Bella's door. And he was furious. I'd never seen him so furious. That ferocity was what made me step back a little and think that maybe I should give in to his wishes. No matter how wrong they were._

"_Edward, the vision hasn't changed. She _will_ be one of us. This is all so unnecessary." A snarl erupted from him and I crossed my arms and scowled at him. "There's no need to get nasty about it. It's not _my_ fault. You know I can't help what I see anymore than what you hear." His face softened at bit at that and I saw the understanding in his eyes. He gave a deep sigh and shook his head. _

"_Alice, please. I know this is hard. Do you think this isn't killing me? If I could die, that is. Can't you see that I couldn't go on if I knew that _I _was the reason that she wasn't a part of this world anymore? So it's for the best. It's the only way I know for her to have a normal human life." His eyes were pleading with me to understand and yet his face was frozen in a harsh mask. _

_I held up a palm and kept my voice soft as I spoke. "Edward. I do understand wanting to protect her. And I understand better than you think about doing whatever it takes to ensure the person you love's happiness. But I think you're going about this entirely the wrong way." He opened his mouth to protest and I held up a finger._

"However_. You are my brother. And my best friend. I love you. Even when you're being a stubborn jackass. And I'll do what you want. I'll go get Jazz and we'll leave Forks. But I'm asking you, please. Just let me say goodbye. She won't understand. And I love her too. It's just not fair." I jutted my bottom lip out and gave him my best puppy dog eyes at this last statement. But I could tell by the hard set of his jaw that he was not going to give in._

"_No. Alice, this has to be a clean break. Human memories fade with time. She'll get over it and move on and live the life she was meant to live before I came along. Trust me, she'll get over it much quicker if we don't draw things out. Promise me. Promise me you won't interfere. That means no more visions. Don't search her future out. Or mine either while you're at it. If you love me, you'll do what I ask." His normally velvet voice was rough with emotion and cracked a little on the last word. That was what did it._

"_Okay." I whispered. "I promise." I let out a shuddering breath. A sob was building in my chest. I felt as if the dead heart there had been ripped out and stomped on by Emmett's gigantic feet. I couldn't believe what I'd just agreed to. We both stared warily at each other for a moment as if we were two prizefighters waiting for the other to make the next move. I saw him look toward her bedroom window and there was such a naked longing there, it nearly took my breath away. _

_I felt the fire of anger fill up the hole that had just been ripped where my heart used to be. I couldn't stand by one minute more and watch him make the most foolish mistake of his life, all while tearing our family apart. So I took off like a bat out of hell to head north to my next destination in trying to stop the damage that was slowly breaking me apart. Alaska. And Jasper._

I heard Jasper gasp as if in pain and I looked up. I realized that he was feeling every emotion as I relayed that last conversation with Edward. His grip tightened a little painfully on mine. "Pixie." His breathing was labored as he looked at me with a strange mixture of horror and pity.

I knew that if he didn't like that part of the story, he really wasn't going to like what I had to say next. But I had no choice. If he was really my partner, he'd understand. I hoped.

**Jasper's POV**

So much pain and heartache. I found it hard to breathe. Luckily that wasn't a necessity. The feelings coupled with the sadness etched on Alice's face, her forlorn eyes were unbearable. Yet I welcomed it. Because I had set the wheels in motion that started this whole thing. Finally, I was getting what I deserved.

And finally, she'd shared with me what happened when I'd left. I knew it'd been awful. Losing both her best friends, the family being separated. And on top of that, having me trying to break it off too. A crude curse escaped my lips as I realized just what a selfish bastard I'd been—wrapped up in my own angst over what I'd done.

"Jazz, are you okay?" Alice's voice penetrated my self-loathing moment. I looked into her face and saw her concern. "I've been better. But I'll live. I'm so sor-" My one thousandth apology was cut off midway by her lips meeting mine. I felt the infusion of love that she was sending my way. Along with the delicious feel of her body against mine, her lips and sweet breath mingling with mine. I wrapped my arms around her and crushed her to me as her arms circled my neck.

I began to realize that there was almost desperation to her kiss, her touch. Her hands were tangled in the curls on top of my head now and you couldn't have put a piece of paper between us. This was more than reassurance. Something else was going on. This was one of those times that I really envied Edward's ability to hear thoughts.

It took all of my efforts but finally I gripped her by the shoulders and was able to extricate myself putting at least two inches of space between us. I placed a kiss on her forehead, trying to regain some of my senses. I pulled back and looked in her eyes. Oh, there was definitely something going on. She had a mixture of guilt and desire in her molten lava eyes as she stared back at me.

"Okay, pixie. Out with it. What aren't you telling me now?" I arched an eyebrow as I stared her down. She lifted her chin just a notch. Uh-oh. She was about to let me have it now. Whether it was cajoling or her fearsome temper, well, I wasn't sure which I was most afraid of.

"Um, don't take this the wrong way, 'kay soldier?" Her lilting voice was cajoling but the defiant set of her chin and the determination in her eyes told me that she meant business. I felt the panic start in my gut and slowly it was making its way up. My throat closed up. All right, so what was the worst thing that could happen? Was she leaving me? Had that been a goodbye kiss? It started to make some sort of sense now. I shouldn't be surprised considering my role in her unhappiness, something I'd vowed to never cause. And yet I felt as if Emmett had landed his best blow to my solar plexus.

"I told you what happened with Edward not to make you feel guilty but I'm hoping it will help you understand what I have to do." There was a no-nonsense tone to her words. As if she was mentally telling herself to be tough. I couldn't stop myself, a small smile quirked at my lips. She gave me a stubborn glare and then grinned that impish grin of hers back at me. Sometimes it seemed as if we could read the other so well. But it wasn't perfect. I knew I was still in the dark about something big.

"I know Edward made me promise not to search him out and I've stuck to it. Even though it's been really hard. And I can't help if things still pop up from time to time. I'm just too attuned to him _and _Bella. And I don't know…I just…" She sighed and her shoulders drooped a little as if the weight of it all was pulling her down. She closed her eyes briefly and then opened them again. "I just need a distraction." One corner of my mouth pulled up at her words. "I think I could help you with that, pixie." She just shook her head sadly.

"I don't think you can this time, cowboy. See, this is something I need to do on my own." I was completely confused as to what she was talking about now. I arched a brow in unspoken question. "I've decided to stop focusing on Edward and how stupid he's being. I think it's time I do something for myself." She drew a deep breath and I felt as if the ceiling was caving down around me. I couldn't believe it…she really was going to leave me. That was the only logical conclusion.

"I have to leave for a while. You see, I think it's time for me to follow up on what James told Bella about my past. It's time for me to find out about my human life." I felt as if I was floating above just looking down and watching this beautiful pixie break me into a million pieces with mere words. Okay, the stress had obviously made her lose it a little. She was crazy if she thought I would let her go searching this out on her own.

One, I couldn't be apart from her for one minute now. I still wasn't completely over what had happened and I needed her anchoring presence until I felt myself again completely. The other thing was I didn't know what the little fool thought, if she was afraid of what she'd find, but I knew I couldn't let her do this alone.

That was what it meant to be partners. I would always be there for her no matter what. No way was I letting her go south without me. She had no idea what she might encounter if she ran into any newborn armies but I knew all too well. I couldn't let her take that risk. We were in it together. Whether she liked it or not.

"I won't be away long. But I have to do this. I have to know what happened to me, how I got here." She had that determined look again. "And I have to do this on my own. I can't ask you to go with me, soldier. Can you understand?" I shook my head stubbornly.

"Hell's bells, pixie. I can't. What can you be thinking?" My voice was gruff, my drawl pronounced. Did she not get that I couldn't let her go? I might as well cut off my own arm. Or cut out the dead heart sitting in my chest.

She stiffened at my words, a frown marring her heart-shaped face. "Jazz, please. I'm asking you to understand. To let me do this on my own." She put a cool palm against my cheek and I nuzzled it softly before turning and placing a soft kiss in her palm. "Alice, please. Let me go with you. Let me be there for you. I won't get in your way, but I can't let you do this on your own. Can _you_ understand?" My words came out barely above a whisper.

Her face softened as she stared at me. I felt myself getting lost in the butterscotch depth of her eyes. I held my breath as I waited for her answer. I needed her to agree to let me go with her. I needed her to believe in me, that I would only do what was best for her. I didn't know why but I did. I felt the desperation work its way up my body as the moments stretched on.

Finally, she rolled off the bed away from me and walked into our massive closet. I heard her pulling clothes off the hangers. I didn't know what it meant. I heard clothes being stuffed into a bag and then I heard the zipper close. "Pixie?" I called softly.

She walked out and to my chagrin she was now immaculately dressed in jeans tucked into black leather stiletto boots with a pastel blue knit top that emphasized her slight frame. She looked amazing. She had a large Louis Vuitton leather bag in one hand and was clutching a pile of clothes in her other arm. Slowly she walked to the bed and I stood to face her. She thrust the armful of clothes at me.

"Okay, cowboy. You win. _This_ time." She said with a wink. "Get dressed. We need to be at the airport in an hour. Biloxi's waiting." Hurriedly, I grabbed the clothes and pulled them on without hesitation. The faster I moved, the less time she had to change her mind. I felt the relief flooding my body so that my limbs felt loose. She had no idea that I needed this as much as she did.

Maria had been my partner in destruction and death. But Alice…Alice…she was my partner in life and love. For better or worse. And I'd be damned if I let it be death…or my weaknesses separate us. And I was determined to be there for her. Whether that was physical protection or the more likely scenario which is what we might find in Biloxi and what that would do to her emotionally.

After I pulled on my boots, I stood up. She was standing there watching me a little warily as if unsure of my reaction. She looked so small and unsure, I did the only thing I could think of. I pulled her in my arms, crushing her to my frame, burying my face against her neck, inhaling her scent that permeated every part of my being. "Don't worry, pixie. It'll be fine. I won't let anything hurt you. I promise." My lips were against her ear as I whispered my words. "I love you Alice. Eternally." I felt her shiver in my arms and her grip tightened against my back. "Love you too, soldier. Forever." She whispered back.

And then my lips melded against hers, my tongue mating with hers as I poured every ounce of my love and reassurance into her. And for a few precious moments, we were equal partners. Two damaged souls who were whole as long as we faced the future together.


	5. Asylum

A/N: Dear Readers, here's the next installment. This chapter reveals a little about Alice's past. I did take some liberties with the mythology so forgive me for that. All in the name of where I see this particular story going! Please review and let me know what you think. This chapter took a while because it was a little nerve-wracking and painful to write. But I guess that's what New Moon is all about, lol! 2 more days! Do you have your tickets? Can't wait!

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials.

Underneath It All

Chapter 5: Asylum

**Jasper's POV**

How did I let Alice talk me into these crazy shenanigans? Oh right. She didn't play fair, using all of her pixie wiles on me. Which were considerable. And theoretically, I was only a man. Plus, I felt better when I thought that possibly I could keep her out of trouble if I was around. Okay, well, at least _less_ trouble. I hoped.

Standing in the pitch-black darkness of an abandoned insane asylum made me question if I shouldn't be a patient here myself. I knew I was a vampire, had seen a lot of scary things, but I had to admit that I was a little creeped out. And incredibly anxious since I had no idea where my pixie had taken off too.

"Alice?" I whispered. I didn't need to say it any louder. No response. I felt an edge of anxiety start to thread through me. I looked around the large room I was in. I had turned for a moment and when I turned back she'd gone. It was obvious the building we were in had been abandoned for decades.

I was afraid my pixie was going to be disappointed. I couldn't imagine she'd find the records she hoped to. She'd chattered about nothing else the entire plane ride from New York to Mississippi. Frankly, I was more than a little skeptical to rely on anything that tracker James had said. After all Bella had been through last spring, how could Alice even know if she was remembering right?

She'd searched our future every five minutes and insisted we needed to come to this hellhole. It would hold the answers she sought. It wasn't that I didn't trust what she saw. I knew better than that after being with her for forty years. But after we'd arrived at the Sunnydale Sanitarium, fifteen miles outside of Biloxi, a shiver had run down my spine.

As we stood looking at the crumbling stone structure before us with it's boarded up windows and overgrown shrubbery, I felt cold at the thought that my pixie had spent _any_ time in a monstrosity like this. Even if she didn't remember it. And a part of me hoped that her vision was wrong. I was sure that if there _were_ any answers locked up in the deteriorating asylum, they wouldn't be happy ones.

And I would be here to pick up the pieces, distract her, help her make happy memories. It was part of the reason I'd insisted on coming with her in the first place.

I'd started visualizing one of the ways we could make a happy memory using my ever-present copy of _Eternal_ _Love_ and a creek we'd passed about a mile back on our way to Sunnydale. Before I could get too far though, I heard a strangled shriek from my pixie and then a clatter. I went instantly into protector mode, inhaling deeply to catch her scent and following the echoed sound.

I wheeled and darted around rusted beds and overturned broken furniture until I found my way to the back of the building. "Alice!" I didn't need to raise my voice but the panic coursing through me did that all on its own. I sounded like a wounded water buffalo caterwauling into the darkness.

"Alice, answer me this instant!" Just as I turned a corner leading to another labyrinthine hallway, I heard her tinkling voice. "Jazz, in here." I stopped in front of a doorway and there she was. Or at least half of her. A cute half to be sure but I needed to see her face.

She was on her hands and knees under a desk. "Pixie, what the-?" She must have really been looking for something because she jumped at my voice, banging her head on the top of the metal desk. It was extremely hard to surprise my wife and I felt a small smug sense of satisfaction.

"Cheese and crackers!" She exclaimed as she wriggled her way out turning to look up at me. "Ow." She pouted as she rubbed the top of her head. Involuntarily, I felt my lips draw up. She looked adorably annoyed at me. I casually leaned against the doorjamb and crossed my arms across my chest, cocking my head to one side as I looked down at her.

"Sorry pixie, you deserved that. What were you thinking taking off like that?" The tip of her pink tongue darted out childishly as she gave one last rub and turned back to the desk, reaching in and pulling out the red plastic flashlight she'd insisted on bringing to complete the "illusion" of breaking in. That was my wife, always making human memories, even if it entailed felonies.

Gracefully, she jumped to feet and dusted off the black leather catsuit she wore. Although I'd tried to talk her out of the black pumps wore, I'd not said a peep about her "cat burglar" suit as she called it. Silently I thanked Emmett for going through his Catherine Zeta-Jones in _Entrapment_ obsession a few years ago and inspiring my wife to obtain her delicious outfit.

"Well?" I arched a brow at her as she jiggled the flashlight trying to make it light back up. She looked up, her eyes glimmering with the excitement of our "adventure" as she'd termed it. She smacked the flashlight one last time and it flickered once before going dark for the last time. "Shoot." She muttered, and then tossed it onto the desktop, the plastic dully clanging against the metal.

"Sorry Jazz. I just couldn't stop myself, I got too excited. I thought I might find something in here. This is where I saw it." She tugged her bottom lip between her white teeth that gleamed in the darkness. She looked amazing and I wanted to smooth the crease that had just appeared between her brows.

I slowly pushed myself from the doorframe and moved toward my gorgeous, utterly delectable wife. "Pixie." I whispered. Our eyes locked and I reached a hand out, cupping her soft cheek. My thumb pulled her bottom lip from between her teeth and lightly rubbed the place she'd nibbled on. I leaned forward and brushed my lips against the furrow on her brow.

She sighed softly and I feathered my lips against her eyelids as they fluttered shut. A primal urge rose in my chest and I moaned in triumph. This angelic creature was _mine_! I was the luckiest vampire who ever walked this earth. I trailed my lips down her smooth cheek. She arched her heard back, her breath coming in short soft gasps as I nibbled down the delicious curve of her nick. I gave a small nip and then soothed the spot with my tongue.

Her arms came around my neck and she threaded her hands in the hair at my nape. She drew my head up to her lips and she molded her full lips to my own. When her tongue traced my lips, I lost all reason and claimed her honeyed mouth as my own. She'd staked her claim on me decades before but her claim deepened as our tongues danced together.

The agony of the past few months melted away and my dead heart swelled in my chest as I slowly pushed her back against the desk. The jolt of her body meeting the desk rattled the flashlight and reminded up both of our surroundings. I slowly pulled away and rested my forehead against hers, both of us gasping in the darkness, trying to regain our senses.

"Jazz." Her tiny voice washed over me. "Hmm?" I still hadn't entirely regained my control. The woman drove me to distraction even with her lilting voice. I was entirely aware of her petite body against mine, my every sense crying out for more. She brought her hand up and rested it against my cheek.

"I want nothing more than to finish this, cowboy, but we need to focus." Her words barely penetrated my foggy brain. "Mm-hmm." I reluctantly replied. She threw her head back and her tinkling laughter danced around us in the echoing emptiness. She put her hand on my chest and lightly pushed. It wouldn't have moved me normally but I got the hint. I relaxed and moved back, allowing her to jump from her perch on the desk.

She peeked over my shoulder and her eyes lit up. "That's it!" She exclaimed, pointing over my shoulder and then dancing around me. I allowed my eyes to appreciate her graceful movement in her snug outfit as she reached her destination. A filing cabinet in the corner.

She reached up and attempted to fling open the top drawer. The rusted metal protested but her vampire strength would not be denied as she tugged harder, the drawer went flying and clattered to the floor. Yellowed papers fluttered to the ground. The drawer hung from her hand and her startled eyes flew to mine. She grinned sheepishly, shrugged one shoulder and said, "Oops."

I grinned back, shoved my hands into my black denim pants and shrugged my shoulders in return. "I've always tried to tell you, you don't know your own strength, pixie." She giggled as she sank to her knees and began examining the treasure the drawer had coughed up. Her eyebrows puckered as she scanned page after page.

I walked over and join her on the floor, grabbing the page nearest me. I wasn't quite sure what we were looking for but I quickly scanned the paper and realized we were looking at admission forms for the asylum patients.

Alice froze and I looked up at her sudden stillness. Her lips were silently moving as she read the words on the page she had gripped with both hands. Those hands started shaking. "Pixie?" My voice was soft, my tone deep. I swallowed convulsively. She looked as if she'd suddenly been punched and the paper fell from her hands and silently fell to the floor between us. Her stricken face grabbed me and didn't let go. She wrapped her arms around her shaking torso. I quickly snatched the paper and scanned it.

"M-m-me. That's me." Her voice was shaking like her body. She moaned softly, sat back on her rump, her knees drawn up. She put her head between them. "I think I'm going to faint." An involuntary chuckle escaped me, a complete nervous reaction. I placed my hand on her soft, dark hair. "Darlin', you're not going to faint. You're a vampire." I scanned the page again in disbelief. "You're right though. This has to be you."

The form gave up its secret. I didn't realize I was reading aloud until I felt Alice's head rise up. I dropped my hand to her knee, lightly squeezing it in reassurance.

"Mary Alice Brandon. Born: December 19, 1918. Admitted: October 30, 1936. Parents: George and Harriet Brandon. Parents' Occupation: Insurance salesman and housewife. Siblings: Cynthia, age 9. Reason for admission: Delusions. Parents say she's out of control, they fear harm to herself or others. Suggested treatment: Electroshock therapy and insulin shock. Prognosis: Will likely never leave asylum. Incurable insanity. Parents relinquish all rights. Signed: Dr. Harold Gardner on December 24, 1936." A lump formed in my throat. What kind of parents would abandon their daughter in her greatest hour of need? She must have been so scared, so sad.

A blaze of white-hot rage burned through my body. I wanted to lash out and hurt George and Harriet Brandon. And this witch doctor Harold Gardner! My lips curled over my teeth and a snarl of anger worked its way out from deep in my chest. I ripped the paper into tiny pieces and tossed them with all my force. Unfortunately, the confetti I'd made mocked me as it flitted silently, slowly to the floor.

I looked at Alice my face a frozen mask. I was determined to wipe the horror from her face. I started to reach for her but she vigorously shook her head in protest and my arms fell uselessly to my side. This was what I'd feared. I could see her slipping away from me, her hurt amber eyes dimming as the truth of her human existence sunk in.

I slowly crawled toward her as if cautiously approaching a cornered animal. She scooted backward and covered her face with her hands. "No, Jazz. No, please don't come any closer!" Her broken voice pierced my soul. She'd finally run out of room as her back hit the wall.

"Don't look at me! Please. I'm a monster. A freak. I've always been a freak." A desolate laugh escaped from between her hands. I'd finally reached her and though she resisted she was no match for my strength. I pulled her into my arms and rested my cheek against the top of her head.

"Shh. Shh. Honey, you're not a freak." She shook with silent sobs against my chest. Her voice came out muffled against my t-shirt. "I _am_. I was. I was a human freak. That's why they didn't want me. They didn't lo-" Her voice broke on a strangled sob. My heart shattered in a million pieces for her. I knew her worst fears had been realized and it was heartbreaking. Worse. Soul-shattering.

"Pixie, love. Listen to me. Fuck them. It doesn't matter. Our family loves you. Hell, I love you. Nothing changes that. _This_ is nothing. It means nothing!" I kept murmuring reassuring words until she finally grew still against me. Here hands were clutching my shirt. I sat back and tucked her onto my lap. She was still quietly sniffling into my shirt. I rhythmically rubbed a soothing hand up and down her back. Finally, she tilted her head back and my breath hitched at the misery etched in every line of her face.

"Why didn't they love me?" Her tiny voice destroyed me. My spine stiffened in defiance. I would _not_ let these people victimize her again. "Oh, pixie. You can't know that from a piece of paper. Things were different then. Maybe they did this _because_ they loved you. It doesn't make it right. In fact, it's a good thing they're dead or_ I'd_ break their necks now for what they did to you. But you can't let them win. Again. You're so good. So special." A derisive snort let me know that she didn't believe me.

"It's true! In fact, I'm almost grateful to them. Because if they hadn't brought you here, you would never have come into my life. You would never have saved me. I would have never known love. And I _do_ love you, pixie. I always will." Her eyes widened at my vehement declaration and I felt her hands tighten in my shirt.

"So do me a favor, please? Stay with me. Don't let them come between us." I brought a hand to her cheek and cupped it. "I need you. More than you know. So much it scares the hell out of me most of the time. But I can't live without you. Just as you are. Please." My last whispered desperate word fell heavily in the surrounding darkness. She nodded her head affirmatively a slight nod but it filled me with hope.

We were quite the broken pair. But together we were strong. We repaired the brokenness in each other. "Okay." She whispered. "I'll try. For you." She tried to smile but it didn't quite work. I did the only think I knew to do and lowered my head to hers and softly touched my lips to her own.

This kiss was different from our earlier explosion of passion. This kiss was full of reassurance, love, devotion, and comfort. I channeled as much of these feelings as I could to her. She broke the kiss first and looked at me with love and curiosity. "You messing with my emotions, soldier?" One side of my mouth pulled up at her whispered words. Back to her pixie ways. She _hated_ when I used my ability on her.

"Maybe. But you know, pixie, all's fair in love and war. And old soldier habits die hard." She slapped my chest lightly with one hand. "Humph." She murmured as she snuggled against my chest. "Well, I guess it's okay. Just this once." I laughed partially in relief and partially in genuine amusement.

My pixie was back. And I was still her soldier. Forever.


	6. Pasts

A/N: So we're back for the next installment! Are you all basking in the New Moon glow? I know I am! Four times and counting…Things are really starting to heat up. Who knew Alice and Jasper had so much going on during their little hiatus from Forks? I'd like to welcome some of my newest biggest supporters xxI'mbettingonalicexx and ilovecody9! Thanks for your reviews! Also thanks to all of my readers for adding me to your alerts and the reviews! I do appreciate it. So please, review and let me know what you think?

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials.

Underneath It All

Chapter 6: Pasts

**Alice's POV**

It was a perfect night to find monsters in a graveyard—the night sky was inky black and not even the moon was visible behind the thick dark clouds. An eerie fog was creeping around the marble and limestone headstones. I halfway expected to hear the howl of a werewolf in the distance beyond the black wrought-iron gates but I knew they didn't exist in North America. Carlisle had once told us how the Volturi had ensured that they'd been hunted to near extinction.

Even though it was early December, it was warm but the air was still. Jazz said that was the way it was on the Gulf Coast. Although he'd spent most of his life in Texas and Mexico, he'd told me they'd made the occasional trek through the Deep South. He hadn't elaborated further. He didn't really like to talk about his past and I didn't push him on it.

I'd felt his worry as he'd admitted this to me, his posture soldier-stiff. Protective mode. That's the way he'd been every since my breakdown in the asylum a few nights before. I knew it was bad for him. He didn't have to say anything but it had been there in the tightness of his jaw—the pain in his topaz eyes.

And yes, I knew that he would have felt that pain because he loved me and hated to see me going through that but unfortunately for my poor husband, he _literally_ had to feel my pain times a thousand. And I'd felt broken. I still did.

It was so unfair to him and was exactly why I hadn't wanted him to come in the first place. Bit I was weak and selfish. I had given in because I _needed_ him. His quiet strength. His love. And now he knew all of my secrets. And so did I. And it _was_ a terrible past.

I'd wanted to give up after that, not sure that I could handle knowing anything else about my human life. I felt limp, numb, ragged—a doll that lost her stuffing. But after returning to our roadside motel, Jazz had used all of his persuasive powers to bring me back to life—somewhat. He convinced me that we couldn't stop now.

"I've never seen you give up on anything, pixie, and I'll be damned if I let you give up on yourself." His baritone voice was quiet but fervent. And then he'd taken me in his arms and used his persuasion powers of the non-talking variety.

So we'd spent the next three days in the dark basement of the Biloxi Public Library scouring microfiche reels and newspaper archives for any scrap of news. Too bad they hadn't seemed to have heard of Google. It might not have taken as long for the few pieces of information we'd been able to glean. Of course it would have been even longer had Jasper and I not been vampires, able to scan reel after reel of microfiche at hyperspeed.

We hadn't found much—almost as if I'd never existed in human form. But what we _had_ found had led us here to Floral Memorial cemetery. Ever since our discovery, Jazz had hardly taken his worried eyes off me. In one way I was flattered but mostly I was just annoyed. Sheesh, it's not like I was about to go off myself or something. But maybe he was reading something in my emotions I didn't realize was there.

I'd wanted to bring a flashlight but Jasper wouldn't hear of it. "Hell's bells pixie, why not just put an announcement in the _Biloxi Bugle_?" His tone was half-exasperated, half-amused. A tone I was quite used to hearing during our forty years together. "You're ruining my moment, Jasper Hale." My voice was squeaky and cross. But he wouldn't be swayed and so here we were. Every horror B movie come to life.

I giggled a little hysterically at the image of Jazz in a black silk cape wearing a top hat rather than the black leather duster, t-shirt, jeans and alligator cowboy boots he wore. I felt him squeeze my hand in response and I looked up to a crease in his forehead with one brow raised.

I started to feel the foggy effects of his emotion control but instead of having its usual effect, I only giggled harder as I pictured him using his Dracula mind tricks to overpower me in the fog-filled graveyard.

I clamped my free hand over my mouth and tried to control my hysterical urges. But it was too late. My gigglebox had been turned upside down. My shoulders were shaking with my laughter. I thought for a second that Jasper would slap me to snap me out of it. Flashes of various scenarios were running through his mind non-stop as he quickly ran through all his options. I knew he was wondering if I'd finally snapped. Reached the breaking point.

What finally stopped me cold was when I picked up on his guild. He was blaming himself. Thinking that his snap at Bella and all of the ensuing consequences had led me to this. "Oh no you don't, cowboy!" My gasp echoed and bounced off the marble tombstones making it almost ring in the darkness. Both his eyebrows raised in shock at my outburst. Confusion burned bright in his golden eyes.

"I'm fine." My voice sounded more confident than I felt. I could be a good actress when I had to be. His brows knitted together and I could see the doubt creeping in with the confusion. "Then do you mind telling me what the hell that was all about?" His frustration and concern made his words come out all twangy.

I felt a giggle bubbling up at his tone. I loved when he got all Texas cowboy-y on me. "Um, can I plead temporary insanity?" I winked at him, hoping my little joke would break through his defenses. It did. He shook his head but chuckled, his laughter washing over me like warm butter. Even more than his twang, I loved his laughter. It wasn't that it was rare, but it made me feel special since he did it a lot when we were alone together.

We started moving again winding around the gravestones, hands still joined as we each read row after row looking for what we'd finally found in the library that morning. The obituary announcing my supposed "death". I thought it'd be easy to find and just as I was about to lose my patience and search out my immediate future, Jazz stopped abruptly. My head was down, scanning the stones so I didn't notice until I walked smack-dab into a brick wall. "Oof." The air was forcefully pushed out of my lungs as I took a couple of steps backward catching my balance.

Who put a building in the middle of the cemetery? But when I looked up I realized it had been no wall. Jasper was as still as one of the granite headstones, his back ramrod straight, the very back I'd just run into. This must be it. It was the only thing that accounted for his quiet stillness.

"Cowboy?" I whispered. His fingers tightened on mine and slowly he turned to face me. His gaze captured mine, his eyes fierce. He was in full protective mode. Well, actually most of the time, it was _over_protective mode. But after my little breakdown the other night, I couldn't blame him for being worried.

But I was prepared this time. After all, what choice would my parents have had? After I changed and disappeared, they would have had to come up with some story right? His hand came up and ever so lightly the back of his knuckles caressed my cheek. As it always did, his touch made my breath catch in my throat. He had the darndest knack for always making me feel cherished. Even standing in the middle of a foggy graveyard in the middle of the night in Mississippi.

And I realized that this was going to be okay. I could face anything as long as Jasper Hale was at my side. It had been incredibly short-sighted to think otherwise. He'd always been the rock that I could cling to in the midst of the storm.

I let go of his hand and brought my own arms up to circle his neck. I pressed my body closer to his as I stood on the very tip of my toes, trying to better reach his full lips. I didn't quite make it. Dang, I hated being so short! I made do with what I could reach and feathered a series of kisses along his strong jawline. His arms which had circled my waist tightened almost painfully.

He groaned as he lifted me off my feet until we were face-to-face. His eyes were pits of molten lava. "Pixie." His voice was gruff, almost strangled. His lips captured my own and I rejoiced at his fevered touch. An owl hooted in the darkness bringing us back to our surroundings. Okay, only a freak like me would make out with her mate in the middle of a graveyard.

We slowly broke apart and he gave me one final peck on the nose before gently sliding me down until my feet touched the ground. One palm cupped my cheek and his thumb rubbed across my cheekbone, almost reassuringly.

"Ready for this, pix?" His eyes were intent on mine scanning for any sign that I might have another freak out like before. "Absolutely." My voice sounded resolute, almost grown-up. And I told myself that was the truth. Something in my face or the emotion I was feeling must have convinced him because he gave a quick, satisfied nod.

"Okay. Remember, I'm here." I nodded back and captured my bottom lip between my teeth. I _could_ do this. Without freaking out. I'd already done more than enough to freak out my husband. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment. I slowly counted to ten, counting Jasper's steady breaths.

When I reached ten, I slowly opened my eyes and looked down at the gray granite headstone. There was a tiny cherub sculpture at the top. My eyes trailed down and took in the words.

_**Mary Alice Brandon  
Born December 19, 1918  
Died October 30, 1936**_

My breath caught and froze on those words. My admission date. Not when I became a vampire. Still an unknown secret. They'd considered me dead when they put me in that place. A dry sob built in my throat. I'd read the obituary but seeing it here in immovable stone hit me hard. Made it more real for some reason.

I felt Jasper's strong arm around my shoulder and his lips were whispering kisses against the top of my head. I drew on his strength. I was so grateful he hadn't listened to me and was here with me right now. I would not have been able to do this without him. "Keep reading." He whispered.

A mirthless, breathless laugh escaped my lips. What good would that do? It was obvious I hadn't been loved in my human life. I'd been thrown away and considered dead while still human. Perhaps that was why I had always had such a strong desire to be part of a family—because I'd never been a part of my own family I'd been born to. Maybe somewhere deep down inside I'd subconsciously known this. Unwittingly, my eyes continued down. I had to see what Jazz saw.

_**Beloved daughter and sister  
You will be missed eternally.**_

I started shaking. Could that be true? Jazz pulled me tighter to his side, squeezing me painfully. I felt waves of love wash over me. I knew he was channeling me his support and I was thankful for it. It wasn't the foggy feelings of calmness he used a lot of the time. I didn't care for that as much, mostly because more than anything, I wanted to _feel_ him. But the love—that was real. So real I could almost taste it.

I turned and buried my head in his chest snuggling in the crook of his arm. I wrapped both my arms around his waist and squeezed hard. He gasped in response and his other arm went around my waist. I felt him shift until his cheek rested against the top of my head.

"Pixie, you were loved. You_ are_ loved. By our family. By me. Don't ever doubt that. How could they _not_ love you? You're the most loveable adorable creature I've ever known." His deep baritone was earnest. Although I still felt the pain of my past, somehow Jazz knew the right words to say. As usual. He'd always been able to do that for me.

I inhaled his familiar scent—a woodsy musky smell that was completely male, completely Jasper. I let out a shaky breath. We both had painful pasts. But we'd found each other. We'd had a happy life together so far. And I would do everything in my power to ensure that we had an even happier future. With our family. Including Bella. I'd wasted enough time wallowing in self-pity, searching for something that I already had.

It was time for me to focus on what I had. What I could have. With Jazz. And Carlisle and Esme—who'd been the best parents a girl could ask for. And Rose and Emmett—who were so devoted to our family and each other. And definitely Edward. A better brother I could never have imagined. Even when he was being stubborn and overprotective.

As Edward's image flitted across my mind, I felt a familiar throb in my temples and a sharp gasp escaped my lips. I knew I'd promised him but I couldn't always control my visions. He should have known that. Then I gave myself over to the vision and knew that the time to fight for my family—my real family—had come.

It was time to put my past where it belonged. Six feet below me in my empty grave.

**Jasper's POV**

Alice stiffened in my arms and then dropped her arms from around me, reaching up to rub her temples. Uh-oh. That meant only one thing. She was getting a vision. My wife's gift was nothing short of amazing. She could purposely seek out a vision of someone's future. But sometimes, if she was really attuned to a person, the visions would come on their own. This was obviously one of those times.

I grabbed her shoulders and gently turned her to face me. Her eyes had the distant, blank look that she got during one of her visions. Suddenly she gasped a sharp intake of breath, slightly shook her head as if clearing it and looked at me fear in her eyes.

"Edward!" I felt my chest feel with dread. Her panicked voice told me it couldn't be good whatever she saw. She brought her hands up and gripped my wrists on either side of her. Hard. Ow. Really hard. I took my hands off her shoulder and entwined my fingers with her own. "What is it darlin'? What'd you see?" She was shaking her head as if in disbelief.

Her eyes met mine and the words came out so fast and so high, I had to really concentrate to catch them all. "Jazz, we have to go. We have to help him. He's in serious danger! And the idiot has no idea! Oh my god, I _knew_ something like this would happen! He just can't leave well enough alone. But he always thinks he knows best, always thinks his way is the right way. Won't let anyone help him." I couldn't help it. Despite the seriousness of the situation, my lips tilted up at her words. She and Edward were two peas in pod. Heaven help the poor souls who tried to stand in their way.

"Sh, shh, pixie. Slow down." I put a finger to her lips. She stopped, surprised at my touch. She nodded in assent and drew a deep breath. "Sorry, it's just—just—well, we need to hurry!" She tugged my hand and started to step backward.

"Alice, darlin' wait. You need to tell me what you saw. Then we'll decide what the best thing to do is. Together." I stood my ground, not allowing her to drag me along for the next ride. First, to see if Edward was really in danger. Then, to decide how best to approach it. If we needed to go back and get the others then that's what we'd do. No way was I putting Alice in harm's way willingly. She had another think coming if she thought I'd allow that. For the millionth time, I felt thankful that I'd convinced her to let me come along. This was one of the very things I'd worried about with her going on her own. Plus, we'd promised Edward that we wouldn't interfere. And I took that seriously. So unless he was in mortal—make that immortal danger, then she was going to have to hold her pretty horses.

"Oh, right. Sorry, I got a little carried away. Jazz, we need to find Edward. The stupid fool has tracked Victoria to Texas. It's a trap, we have to hurry!" I felt as if a blow was dealt right to my solar plexus. This was not good. Not only was Victoria dangerous but a lone vampire in Texas, well, that had disaster written all over it as well.

I felt a double blow at the mention of Texas. My past came back to slap me right in the face. "Where in Texas?" My voice barely came out above a whisper, strained. I steeled myself for her answer and before she even said it, I knew. Her eyes gave it away. The silence grew thick. "Say it, dammit." I muttered impatiently. "Near the border. Nuevo Laredo. Near—" I cut her off before she could finish. "Monterrey." This time my voice did come out in a whisper. Damn.

I'd really hoped to avoid Maria for the rest of our existence. And we'd done a pretty good job of it for nearly forty years after our last fateful encounter. What the hell was Edward thinking? Well, that was the problem wasn't it? He hadn't really made any rational decisions since the birthday party and my stupid mistake. I blew out an exasperated sigh. Alice's human family was nothing compared to our screwed up dysfunctional vampire family.

"Jazz." Her quiet voice brought me back to the moment. "No. Absolutely not. Out of the question, pixie." My words came out harsh, domineering. Her back stiffened at my tone and her brows knitted together. Her eyes flashed at me. She put her hands on her hips and I knew I was in trouble.

"Oh yes, we are, cowboy!" I halfway expected her to stamp her foot which made me snort in laughter at the thought. Wrong move. She drew up to her full height and crossed her arms over her chest. She looked at me down her nose. How did she do that? She was a foot shorter than me.

"Listen, pixie, all I'm saying is let's go get the others and we'll do it all together. I'd feel a lot better about going in to the lion's den." I didn't say out loud that I even had reservations about putting the rest of our family in harm's way. There just weren't enough of us to deal with a newborn army if we came across one.

"Uh-uh. We can't. Not enough time. In fact, we're losing time sitting here discussing this. It's useless. We're the closest. We have to do it. Plus, I don't want to involve the others if we don't have to. It'll spook him. Hang on a second." I saw her eyes take on the blank look and knew she was searching out our futures. "Yep. I was right. It's just us. We're the ones." She was matter of fact and a little smug in her tone.

I wasn't sure if she was telling the truth but I had no choice but to trust her. She had made up her mind and I wouldn't be able to change it. I just hoped we were able to get there in time to save Edward, if that's what we were supposed to do. More likely, my role would be to keep Alice from harassing the poor guy to death. Or undeath. Most of all, I hoped we wouldn't run into my past in my home state. At least the Maria part of the past. A shudder ran through me at the thought of Alice being back in her presence.

As we took off, I kept hold of Alice's hand and kept it that way all the way to Texas. I was holding on to our future all the while trying to let go of my past the entire way. Too bad it didn't work.


	7. Edward

A/N: So we have a guest appearance in this chapter. I hope you'll enjoy. It's a little dark but so is New Moon. As Rosalie says, if any of them had a happy ending they wouldn't still be around…But stick around for the next chapter too, I think you'll appreciate a change in viewpoints. As always, PLEASE review and let me know what you think! It means a lot!

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials.

Underneath It All

Chapter 7: Edward

**Jasper's POV**

It was sleek, black, low to the ground and fast. Really fast. Especially with my wife behind the wheel. She shifted the Corvette to the next gear and we picked up speed. I noticed the needle was crawling to 140 mph. She'd decided we couldn't delay and although we were fast, the Corvette was faster. We took the smaller highways and roads that Alice had searched out in her visions so that we could escape any detection.

Mississippi was far behind us, and we were close to our destination. And Edward. I knew she was worried about him. And I was worried about her. My hand never strayed far from her. I needed that physical connection—that reassurance that I could protect her no matter what we encountered.

I was either stroking her hair, squeezing the back of her neck, trailing my fingertips along her cheek or grasping her hand. I didn't want to smother her but she didn't seem to mind. She'd throw me her wide smile every now and then and I'd drink it in like a man trapped in a desert with no water in sight.

I couldn't lose her. I felt the protective warrior building in my chest. I knew she hated it when I got too overprotective but dammit this time she'd have to make an exception. She had no idea the danger we were driving into. Well, she had to know a little.

She'd encountered Maria before. An involuntary shudder hit me as the memory of Alice so close to my diabolical maker as Peter restrained Alice on the edge of an Alaskan clearing ran through my mind. We'd come so close to disaster that time and I'd never wanted a repeat performance. I wasn't sure that I'd be able to keep my monster at bay this time—stop myself from utterly destroying Maria and any threat she posed to my pixie or my family.

Alice must have felt my tension because her hand left the gearshift and she clasped my hand with her own, entwining our fingers with a firm squeeze. I looked into her butterscotch eyes and tried to smile reassuringly. I wasn't sure if it worked as her eyes tightened slightly and she gave me a slight frown.

We needed a distraction. I raised our joined hands to my lips and pressed the back of her hand against them. "So, pixie, what do you see now? Are we almost there?" Her eyes were back on the highway stretching before us almost seemingly endlessly. It was amazing that while concentrating on the road that she could also concentrate on her vision at the same time. But I didn't doubt it. She was an amazing woman.

She shook her head slightly as she came out of her reverie. "Well, soldier, looks like we're minutes away. He's staying in a roadside motel. And he's still in danger. But I don't know what specifically." She let out a frustrated sigh.

"I can't get a good handle on Victoria or her plans. It's as if she's changing her mind too fast for me to keep up. I'm only getting flashes." She turned to look at me again a worried crease between her brows. "You don't think she knows that about me, do you? That I can't know if she doesn't settle on something?" Her confused eyes met my own.

"I don't know, honey. It's possible I suppose but how could she know that? Maybe she really hasn't decided on a final course of action. Or maybe she's just toying with Edward." Alice gave a slight nod and murmured, "Hmmm." Her lips were as puckered as her brow as she considered the possibilities.

Silence descended in the car as we both turned to our thoughts. Mine weren't only Victoria but also on whether I should ask my wife to search out Maria. I didn't want to alarm her but I really wanted to know if I should be preparing a battle plan on that front as well.

Just as I'd about decided to take the chance and ask her to do just that, Alice made a sharp turn and entered a rest stop that we'd been about to pass. I turned to her and arched a brow questioningly. "Sorry." She grinned. Little minx wasn't sorry at all. I knew she'd enjoyed taking me by surprise. She lived for those moments.

"I was just thinking it'd be best if we dump the car off here and run the rest of the way." She nonchalantly shrugged her shoulders as she whipped into an empty parking spot. But there was nothing nonchalant about the tension in her spine, in her face. "I don't want to give Edward the chance to run off if he hears us coming so we're going to have to mask our thoughts." Easier said than done. But I supposed it was our best chance.

I nodded. "Sure, pixie. Piece of cake." No way I was going to let her see me sweat. Metaphorically of course. "So what are we looking for?" I opened my door and in a flash was on her side of the car, opening her door. She raised her eyebrows with a sardonic lift to her lips. I held out my hand and helped her out of the low slung car as any gentleman would. Mostly I just wanted an excuse to have her hand in mine again. And I wasn't letting go.

She was facing me and looking up into my eyes. I schooled my features into a neutral expression, not wanting to cause her any more anxiety. Her eyes narrowed slightly and I figured I wasn't fooling her. "Well, it's not the Four Seasons. It's a little bit of a fleabag motel I'm afraid." She sighed her disapproval in Edward's choice of lodging. "I'll never understand why that boy thinks…"She trailed off. "The Last Resort." I was confused. What was his last resort?

It must have shown on my face because she laughed then. "Oh Jazz, sorry. That's the name of the motel. The Last Resort." She gave a derisive snort. "I'm sure it holds some kind of deep philosophical metaphor for Edward. He's always tended to go for the melodramatic on occasion." She shook her head from side to side as she spoke.

I leant down then and molded my lips to hers. I didn't want any words for a while. I just wanted to feel her, breathe her in, taste her. I didn't know what we were running into. But I really didn't see how it could have a happy ending. And sadly, for the first time in a long time, neither did my wife.

I just hoped my brother was going to appreciate what we were doing. And I hoped to hell I'd figure out what to say to him once we got there. If Edward even stuck around long enough to hear it.

**Alice's POV**

I felt like Jasper was going to consume me before we even stepped a foot outside of the rest stop. Or send me up in flames. I had to concentrate on how I was going to help Edward. And he wasn't helping in the least. I was even more distracted now.

Finally I pulled back with a soft sigh. Usually Jazz's touch calmed me. Okay, well at least gave me a sense of belonging. But I felt a little bereft. I was so worried about Edward and if the stubborn fool would even hang around long enough for us to help him.

"He's not going to be happy about this." My hands were on Jasper's chest and I began drawing little patterns, concentrating my eyes there rather than look into the worried face of my soldier. Or worse. He might have his warrior's mask on. I knew he was in overprotective mode, worrying about Victoria.

And Maria. I shivered slightly. He hadn't said her name. Not once. But I'd known what he would be thinking about as soon as he found out where Edward was. And I hadn't been wrong.

Oh part of it was nice. I really loved how he had to touch me in some form or fashion the whole way from Biloxi to Texas. But I hated what I knew he was thinking about in regard to his maker. It was not a pleasant subject. Any of it. So I hadn't wanted to broach it. Especially not when I was having so much fun pushing the Corvette to its limits.

Jasper's hands came up and clasped my own, stilling them against his chest. His baritone was soft. "I know, pixie. But what choice do we have? I know I can't change your mind. And I know I can't let you do this alone." His voice was a little twangy. I knew he was annoyed. By everything. At himself. At me. But I couldn't abandon Edward. Whether he wanted my help or not. Because the truth was he needed it.

And yes, there was teensy tiny part of me that was hoping that once he was safe, we could convince him to go back to Forks and Bella. It was just ridiculous. A pang of hurt hit my chest at the thought of my best friend.

It was killing me not to know how she was doing. But if it was even half of how I felt when I thought Jasper was leaving me, I knew it wouldn't be good. I at least hoped she was holding it together somewhat. At least for Charlie's sake.

It was funny, but I couldn't think of Edward and Bella separately. If I thought of one, I quickly thought of the other. As if they were two halves making a whole. Too bad my stubborn brother hadn't figured that out yet.

I entwined my fingers with his and gently tugged. "Come on, cowboy. Don't forget. Try to mask your thoughts as best you can." He leaned down and gave me a quick peck on the lips. "Lead the way, pixie. I'll follow you wherever you go." I knew that there was double meaning to his words and a bolt of electricity ran through me until my toes curled. I shot him my widest happiest smile and he gave me my favorite lop-sided smile of his in return.

And then we were flying past trees and cows and across pastures and over hay bales until it came into view. It really was pretty vile looking with peeling pepto pink stucco walls and rusty rails. There was a pool half-filled with green water and brown leaves. It was certainly the kind of place someone would go to as a "last resort". Or definitely when they didn't want to be found.

I led Jazz up the cement stairs and moved halfway down the walkway until we were standing in front of a metal door with the number 213 stenciled on it. He was in there. I'd done a quick search of the immediate future to see if he'd left. I was slightly encouraged that he had not.

Jazz was looking down at me. His brow was arched and I knew he was wondering if Edward was inside. I nodded my head once in the affirmative. I held up a finger so he would know to be patient for a moment.

_Edward. I know you know we're here. Will you let me in? You know we wouldn't be here if it wasn't important. A matter of life and death._ I knew talking to him in this normal way--well, normal for us, at any rate—would be more effective. I really hoped he hadn't hightailed it out through the bathroom window or something. I'd be really pissed if we had to chase him down.

I heard the chain unlock from the other side and the knob slowly turned. The door cracked a little but my brother's face did not appear. Not good. Jasper was the first to act. He put out a hand and slowly pushed the door open.

"Oh Edward!" The anguished whispered words escaped my lips before I could stop myself. It was just about the sorriest sight I'd ever seen. The room was dismal but it wasn't what you'd normally expect if someone were hiding out. There were no empty pizza boxes, crushed beer cans, dirty clothes strewn about the room.

There was just my brother, looking absolutely devoid of any life, still as a marble statue in a tacky blue paisley side chair. He was facing our direction but it was as if he was looking right through us. Or seeing nothing at all. As if he was just an empty shell.

I felt my unbeating heart throb with pain in my chest. It was much worse than I expected. I took a tentative step into the dark dingy room. I noticed that there was a laptop on the side table beside him. I figured that's what he was using to aid him in tracking Victoria. As if Google could replace his lack of tracking skills. Beside it was a pile of papers, maps, and…photos? What in the world had he been up to?

I could feel Jazz behind me, his hands resting on my shoulders. I reached up with mine and squeezed his. I turned my head slightly to look up at him. His face was a mask of concern, his eyes boring into mine. I squeezed his hands once more, gaining what strength I could from him.

I then moved forward to where Edward sat and dropped to my knees in front of him. He'd not moved a muscle since we'd come in. His vacant eyes were staring now at the door Jazz had shut behind him. He hadn't acknowledged our presence in any way. I had to figure out a way to get through to him. But at the moment I was at a loss. And the longer it took, the more danger all of us were in.

He still hadn't looked at me. I glanced beside him at the side table and that's when I knew what I had to do.

I reached over and snagged the photo. There was a crease down the middle where it had been folded in half. I felt my breath catch in my throat. It was strange but the picture of her in my mind was so much clearer than the piece of paper in my hand. Bella Swan. She _would_ be my sister.

The picture looked oddly formal with Edward looking uncomfortable, his hand resting awkwardly on her shoulder. Bella looked like she was trying to smile but it didn't quite reach her worried eyes.

I felt the familiar pang of longing for my best girl friend. It was great having Edward and of course my Jasper. But they were boys. A girl needed a good girl friend too. To talk about girlie things like clothes and fashion and boys. To do girlie things like shopping and having tea.

Okay, well, maybe Bella and I didn't do _all_ of those things but it didn't stop me from trying. Plus, she was a pretty good sport about letting me dress her up sometimes. Not as often as I'd like. But still, she was my project. A melancholy sigh escaped me. God, I missed my friend.

In a blink, the picture was snatched from my fingers and for the first time my brother looked at me. His eyes were burning with anger and it made my breath catch again to see such a vitriolic look from him directed at me. He snarled at me.

In a flash, Jasper snatched me up and behind him in a defensive move. "Easy, Edward." Jazz's voice was calm but firm. I suddenly felt the swirl of the calming vibes he was sending out, clouding my mind slightly. I grasped Jasper's arm and stepped to the side of him so that I could see my brother again.

"Jazz." I said softly. "It's fine. He's not going to hurt me." Jasper never took his eyes off of Edward. His arm tensed as if he was going to sweep me back behind him again. But he realized that Edward was now looking down at the picture clasped in his hands. And the devastated look on his face, the naked longing in his eyes must have given Jazz the proof he needed that it had merely been an instinctive reaction from Edward and that he did not pose an immediate threat so he let me by.

But in conceding this much, he did grab my hand and I knew he would not let go. That was fine with me. I was shaking slightly as the magnitude of how deeply in trouble my brother was pierced me. And it wasn't the physical danger from Victoria that I'd seen. He was in bad shape. Actually, that was an understatement. My brow creased as I soaked in every detail. His tattered dirty clothing, his usually messy bronze hair was lank and dull, as lifeless as he seemed.

I knew there was only one thing that would bring him back to life. But how to convince him that he could not continue this way without Bella Swan in his life? Now that I was here and saw with my own two eyes, it seemed a nearly impossible task. A fool's errand. Well, I could be rather foolish on occasion so I had probably the best shot of anyone. Except maybe Carlisle. But even then…

"Edward." I whispered aloud so that Jazz could hear what I was saying, maybe chime in if I needed reinforcements. "I know that you don't want me here or to interfere but I had to come. You know I can't always turn off my visions and I have tried to keep my promise as best I can…but please, listen to me." His eyes snapped to mine and the anger was back but not quite as burning. More extremely annoyed. I could deal with annoyance. That was my specialty.

Then I showed him all that I had seen in the past few days. The trap Victoria had set—the futility in trying to track her—the glimpses that made it impossible to see exactly how _much_ in danger he was. The photo fluttered from his fingers until it hit the orange shag carpeting silently. I saw the shock in his eyes. It was followed by understanding and finally a burning hatred. I knew that one wasn't for me, thank goodness. He was reserving that look for Victoria.

I had to admit, it kind of felt good despite the situation to be back with my brother, slipping back into our old ways of communication, each holding half of the key that would unlock the puzzle. I hoped that he would feel the same way and agree to come back with us. Edward belonged with our family. And he belonged with Bella.

Now just to convince him of that. Baby steps. I reached out and softly grasped one of his hands with my own. If he'd only squeeze my hand , then I'd know there was a chance. _Please!_

It was my last best chance to get my brother and best friend back. Then my hand was crushed in his grip and I looked down. Ow, that was tighter than I expected.

But the hope I felt leaping in my chest died as I looked up and through gritted teeth, he said, "This is the last time I'm going to say this Alice. Leave. Don't come back. Don't look for me. And I don't give a damn what you see, don't interfere in my life. _Or_ hers. Now get out of here before I do something we all regret."


	8. Misery

A/N: Oh wow. Sometimes writing takes you on a journey you never expect. And that's kind of what happened with this chapter. It was never in my original outline but it told me it needed to be written anyway. I hope you'll enjoy. Well, I don't know enjoy is the right word. At least, maybe understand where Edward is coming from. So I have been remiss in giving a shout-out to Faerie0975 who always reviews! Thanks Faerie! So please, I hope you will review and let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials. Ms. Meyer, please forgive me for absconding some of your original New Moon dialogue for this chapter…

Underneath It All

Chapter 8: Misery

**Edward's POV**

I'd heard them coming about a mile away. Oh, she'd thought she was clever, trying to use a different "inside" voice in her head while thinking of the most mundane, innocuous human things. Or things that she imagined humans thought about.

It might have slightly worked had I not known her as well as I knew myself. And if she had not brought Jasper along whom despite his best efforts still always had the same thing on his mind. That hadn't changed for nearly 40 years as I'd been privy to. Alice. Nearly all of his thoughts were tied to her in some way. I'm sure he wasn't aware of it but it didn't make it any less so.

I was one gigantic ball of misery. I'd been curled up in this dingy hotel room on the sagging bed for the past three days. Ever since I'd lost the one reason I had left to keep going. Bella. Wait, no, not Bella. Dammit, it was as if I knew no other name any longer. No, Victoria. Yes, that's who I'd been tracking.

Well, tracking may not have been the right word for what I'd been doing exactly. I suppose my attempts had been half-hearted at best. Really no-hearted. For I no longer had my heart. I'd left the dead thing back in Forks. With Bella. And she had no idea.

I'd thought tracking down Victoria and putting an end to that particular chapter would be a good distraction. Give me a purpose now that my purpose was gone. By my own doing of course. Regardless though, it'd been more difficult than I'd anticipated.

My concentration was constantly bombarded by thoughts of Bella—worry about how she was doing, if she was okay. And of course the memories. It hadn't taken long for me to realize that I could go to the ends of the earth and there would be no escape from those. Especially the last memory. I still had no idea how I had physically left her in the woods behind her house. Her face—frozen in disbelief. Her chocolate eyes—dark with grief.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to block the traitorous images from my mind. That memory was the one that stabbed me over and over in the chest. Instead I started to tune in to my sister and her husband—trying to see if I could see what they were doing here.

I mean I had a pretty good idea. I supposed it had been too good to be true to think that my conversation with Alice behind Bella's house was enough to keep her from sticking her nose into my business.

Jazz gave the most away. He worried about a black Corvette being discovered and Alice implicated? Great, I really didn't want to know the details of that one. I had enough to worry about. He had a lot of thoughts about Maria. His maker. Not good. I hadn't thought about how close Monterrey was to Nuevo Laredo. But then again, I hadn't really expected Alice and Jasper to come calling. He was worried about Alice. And me.

I blew out a heavy sigh. I wasn't sure I was ready to face him yet. I didn't blame him exactly. But I _was_ angry. About everything. And despite his worry, it wasn't all his fault. He wasn't sure what he would say to me, what my reaction would be. Honestly, I wasn't either.

I had to admit to myself though that there was a small part of me that would be happy to see Alice. If there was anyone else on the planet other than Bella that I would want to see, it was my favorite sister. But then again, I was on the same page as Jasper. She tended to rush headlong into situations without considering the consequences. And it terrified me to think of her anywhere near Victoria. And now Maria.

I silently cursed. I had no idea where Victoria was. And not knowing that made me even more wary of Alice and Jasper's impending visit. I knew they would insist on helping me vanquish Victoria. But I didn't want their help. I didn't want _anyone_ to be in any danger. If something happened to me, well, so be it. My life had become forfeit that September afternoon that I'd left my only reason to exist.

They were just outside the Last Resort now. I'd never even thought twice about trying to leave before they arrived. It would have been futile anyway. Alice would have insisted on chasing me down. And as much as I loved Jasper, thwarting Alice's wishes was not one of his particular strengths.

So I'd stayed but was determined not to listen, not to be swayed by whatever she said to try to persuade me to go back to Forks and Bella. I just wanted them to get out as fast as possible. The longer I was in their presence, I knew the less resistance I would have. My resistance was hanging by a thread as it was. A fraction of a thread.

And as was often the case when my resistance was at its weakest she appeared.

_Why are you doing this?_

I sat up on the bed and pushed myself against the headboard and resting my forearms on top of my bent knees. I glared at her.

"What are you doing here?"

_What do you mean? I'm always here._

I gave a disgusted snort. "That's true. But why now? I haven't seen you in a while."

_I'm trying to stop you from making a mistake. I mean a bigger mistake._

I couldn't help myself. I drank in her silky dark hair. The grief was still in her eyes, but she was wearing my favorite blue top. Blue was definitely her color.

"You look good in blue. Did I ever tell you that? I should have. Every day."

There it was--what I'd wanted to see the most. Her delicious blush. When I saw it, I could almost imagine her scent surrounded me again. The memory of it now tortured me in ways that it never had when I'd been in her presence. Even in the early days when I'd been unsure of my ability to keep from taking her life.

_Stop changing the subject. You've always been too good at distracting and dazzling me. We don't have enough time for that now._

I had all the time in the world. I didn't want to rush this. Because she'd disappear again. Logically I could tell myself she wasn't really there—she was just a figment of my imagination, the manifestation of my deepest darkest desires. I may have promised her it'd be as if I never existed but unfortunately, I couldn't make the same promise to myself about her. She'd altered me forever.

A half-smile touched my lips. "I'm not. I'm telling you the truth. Do you remember that first day we spent in the meadow? You're the one who dazzled and distracted." Her eyes softened and her lips tilted upward at my words.

_We're going to have to agree to disagree on that one. Listen to me. We don't have much time. I need you to make me a promise. And keep it. I want you to stop tracking Victoria. And you need to make sure that Alice and Jasper leave. Whatever it takes. Can you do that?_

I tilted my head to one side and raised my eyebrows at her. "You're giving me orders now? This is new."

She crossed her arms across her chest and gave me a hard stare.

_Maybe I'm different now. Maybe you changed me. But one thing hasn't changed. I couldn't bear it if something happened to you. Even now. Even after…_

Her voice trailed off and the sad look was back in her eyes. I felt my chest tighten. I would never get over being the cause of her pain. It was crazy because I knew she wasn't here, _really_, but somehow I knew. I knew that was the look I would see if she were here at this moment.

_And I couldn't bear it if anything happened to Alice. Or Jasper. You have to protect them. Get them away from here. And then you should go too. Stop worrying about Victoria. She can't hurt me. But she can hurt you. _

I opened my mouth to protest but she held up a hand, palm forward.

_No. Listen. Can't you just do this one thing that I'm asking you? Just this once?_

Her voice took on a pleading tone. Unwittingly, it evoked memories of another request. And our last kiss. I took in a sharp breath as if punched in the gut as the memory assaulted my brain.

*******************

_It was the night of her disaster of a birthday party. The night I'd realized what I had to do if I was to keep her safe. I'd wanted to make it a clean break but when she'd asked me to stay and had been so unsure, I knew I'd had to do it or she'd never buy the lie. But then it had felt so good to be with her and as always I couldn't refuse anything she asked of me…_

"_Remember how I decided that I wanted you to _not_ ignore my birthday?" She was up to something. She was trying too hard to sound nonchalant._

"_Yes." I agreed, my tone wary._

"_Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."_

_A flood of relief rushed through me. She sounded slightly embarrassed and I knew it had taken a lot for her to say the words out loud. She needed reassurance. And who was I to deny her a birthday wish? If she'd asked me to crawl across burning coals, I would have._

"_You're greedy tonight." I teased her._

"_Yes, I am—but please, don't do anything you don't want to do." She sounded so annoyed at my teasing that I couldn't help but laugh. But the laugh died quickly as the deeper implications of her words weighed on me and I sighed in frustration. _

_I knew this would be it. This was the end. This would be the last taste I would ever have of her. Better make it count…_

_In desperation, I put my hand under her chin and raised her face until it was level with mine. "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do."_

_I schooled myself at the last second with my last shred of discipline as I thought about how close she'd come to losing her life earlier that night so that when my lips met hers, I was as careful as usual. But then, for some reason, as her heart sped up, something changed. Perhaps it was the exultation that it _was _still beating. Or maybe I was just tired of always being the responsible one. Maybe I just wanted one glorious memory to take with me that I could re-live for eternity._

_Before I could stop myself I'd twisted my free hand in her hair and secured her to me as tightly as I could as if I could meld us into one being. She crushed her body to mine and tangled her own hands in my hair. Her gentle tugging finally brought me back to my senses and I knew I had to stop or it really _would_ be the end. I was near the point of no return._

_With my last ounce of willpower, I abruptly broke the kiss and gently pushed her away. She fell back against the pillow, her breaths coming in gasps, her cheeks deliciously flushed and her eyes bright with desire. I wanted nothing more than to reclaim her as my own._

* * *

As abruptly as I'd stopped our last kiss, I ruthlessly pushed the memory out of my mind. I drank in one last look of her, knowing that once I said my next words, she would disappear and I would go back to my miserable existence without her. Who knows when I'd see her again? _If_ I'd see her again.

"Fine. You know I'd do anything you asked of me, Bella. I'll find a way to get rid of Alice and Jasper."

_And you'll stop tracking Victoria?_ She was so stubborn.

"Yes. I'll stop tracking Victoria. It's not like I was any good at it anyway." My tone was sardonic and I smiled at her. And thankfully, she smiled back.

_Thank you. _

And like that she was gone. And with her went any semblance of life I'd felt while she was standing in front of me. But I had no time to think on it or even know exactly what I was going to do because at that moment there was a knock on the door. Yep, I was definitely out of time. My sister had arrived.

_Edward. I know you know we're here. Will you let me in? You know we wouldn't be here if it wasn't important. A matter of life and death._

She was speaking with her mind. I guess she figured she might spook me otherwise. She needn't have worried. I wasn't going anywhere. But I sure as hell would make sure she did. I pushed myself up from the bed and was at the door in an instant. I unhooked the chain, opened the door a crack and then sat myself in the hideous side chair next to the bed.

Now that Bella had disappeared, I allowed myself—at least on the inside—to curl back up in my ball of misery. This was no act. After each of her appearances, I seemed to fall deeper into the black depression that had consumed me since I'd left Forks.

I barely registered that Alice and Jasper had entered the room. I never even looked at them. I stayed wrapped in my memories of Bella. And kept my focus on what I would have to do. It was not easy knowing that I would have to intentionally hurt my sister.

But then she made it a little easier. I saw her reach out and take the one thing I'd allowed myself to bring from my old life. My photo of Bella. It was really supposed to be Renee's photo but I'd kept it for myself after offering to drop it in the post. It was part of my promise that it would be as if I'd never existed.

Of course I'd been unable to completely bear the thought, so the things I'd gathered in her room, I'd stored under a loose floorboard. It was childish and selfish, but I'd treasured the thought of somehow still being in her presence even though _she_ didn't know it.

As much as I loved Alice, she had no right to touch my things. Especially not my Bella. I saw her unfold the photo. I'd folded it in half so that I didn't have to look at myself. I only wanted to see her. Ever.

It was pure instinct but I grabbed the photo from her fingers and snarled at her. That had been completely unplanned but I realized it would help with what I had to do next. Of course, I'd completely forgotten about Jasper. Of course he would defend Alice. To the death. I knew that much.

But I realized it was just a protective gesture. He'd sent out calming vibes in the room. My mind went a little cloudy but the image of Bella still burned bright. "Easy, Edward." Jasper's voice was soothing, calm. I kept my eyes on my photo but heard Alice reassure her husband.

"Jazz. It's fine. He's not going to hurt me." She moved until she was kneeling in front of me again. Her mind was a jumble of thoughts all moving so fast, I really couldn't keep up. But I did know that she was missing Bella desperately. And I felt bad about that but I couldn't waver. For Alice's sake.

"Edward." She whispered aloud and I figured it was for Jasper's benefit. "I know that you don't want me here or to interfere but I had to come. You know I can't always turn off my visions and I have tried to keep my promise as best I can…but please, listen to me." I didn't have to fake my annoyance as I glared at her. Somehow I'd known she'd never be able to keep the promise I'd extricated from her behind Bella's house.

Before I could say anything though, she began bombarding me with images. They were obviously of visions she'd been having. Oh wow. It was worse than I thought. I'd never been closing in on Victoria. She'd obviously been toying with me. This was bad news. I had to get Alice and Jasper out of here. Now.

I wasn't even aware that I'd dropped the photo until I felt Alice's hand grasp my own. I couldn't allow myself how good it felt. All of it. To see her, her concern, the way we slipped back into our old habits. It felt a little like…home. Yes, that was it. Home. And I couldn't allow myself to feel that good. I had to put my cloak of misery back on if I was going to get my sister out of danger.

Steeling myself, I clenched my teeth and then squeezed her hand as hard as I could so she got the message. "This is the last time I'm going to say this Alice. Leave. Don't come back. Don't look for me. And I don't give a damn what you see, don't interfere in my life. _Or_ hers. Now get out of here before I do something we all regret." God, I hated saying those words! But I had no choice.

Jasper let out a low growl but I never took my eyes off of Alice. She'd gasped at the tone of my words. That was something I regretted but I had to be strong. For just a bit longer.

"You don't mean that, Edward." She was getting the bossy tone in her voice and it was mixed with hurt. It was almost a question.

"You're wrong Alice. I do. Nothing's changed since I last talked to you. And _you_ promised. I thought if I could count on anyone it would be you." It was a low blow but I couldn't stop now.

"Edward, you're in danger. Don't you see?" She was pleading with me now, cajoling in her best puppy dog voice. It could usually work. But not this time. There was too much at stake.

A harsh laugh completely devoid of any amusement escaped my throat. "Alice, if I tell you that I already know that I suck at tracking and I won't be looking for Victoria any longer, will you leave me alone then?" I kept my tone cold and kept my face frozen in a mask that matched my voice.

She scowled at me because she knew I'd just put her in check mate. And she hated to lose. "Are you lying?" She wasn't ready to concede yet so I played the ace up my sleeve.

"Search it out. If I'm telling the truth, promise me you'll leave. Now." I knew what she'd see because I'd just decided it. Her eyes went blank for a moment. Jasper was looking from me to her, concern on his face. His thoughts were uneasy. He was trying to figure out how to get Alice out of here safely. And he still felt bad that he and I hadn't had a chance to make amends. I felt a twinge of guilt about that but I couldn't worry about that just now.

Alice shook her head and looked in my eyes. Her own were pools of profound sadness.

_Why are you doing this? _ She didn't talk aloud. I simply shook my head at her in response. I just wanted this to be over. The pain was threatening to overtake me at any moment and if Alice saw me in that state of misery, she'd never leave.

I was saved from having to say anything further when Jasper grasped Alice's elbow and urged her up. "Pixie." His voice was low, quiet. He looked at me and I stared back almost pleading with him to get her out of here. "It's time to go." He was lightly pulling her backwards under the protection of his arm. He kissed the top of her head in such a sweet gesture that my unbeating heart twisted in my chest.

It was unbearable to be in the presence of what I would never have. Alice's eyes were bright and I knew she would be shedding tears if she could. Another stab. Jasper turned her and they began walking to the door. As he opened it, she turned her head back at me for one last glance. It was amazing how many emotions could be displayed on a person's face. I saw her sadness, her fear, her worry, her plea. And her love.

I made sure my expression didn't change in any way. Nor did my resolve about my next move waver. She had no choice but to leave now. And I felt relief. But sad too. I hated hurting her. Hurting Jasper. The rest of my family. I knew they'd go back and she'd tell them about this.

And then they were gone. And I allowed the darkness of the room to swallow me up as I took comfort in my misery. I couldn't completely allow it to consume me though. I had a reservation to make. It was time for me to get lost in the world and forget everything and everyone. Except her. Bella. My love, always. Even if she couldn't know that.


	9. UnHappiness

A/N: Dear Readers, happy holidays! I hope this holiday season has brought you many Twilight Saga related items to relish! So, I don't know about you, but I was feeling like a little romance—a little Jalice time…that last chapter was just so wrenching! So please enjoy the filler (oh, well, I guess it does get us a little closer to the fast and furious action-packed end of New Moon)! I would like to give a special shout-out to ccwriter who reviews faithfully! Oh Dear Reader, won't you consider reviewing? I so do love to hear what my readers think. Also, as always thanks for all of the alert/favorite adds as well! It warms my heart on such cold cold nights! Until next time…

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials.

Underneath It All

Chapter 9: (Un)Happiness

**Jasper's POV**

The holidays had always been a festive time in the Cullen household as long as I'd been a part of the family. A lot of that had to do with Esme and Alice's penchant to use any occasion as a reason to decorate and celebrate. But there hadn't been much celebration this year.

Now a new year was upon us and it didn't look to be much of an improvement over the past year and the melancholy that had settled on our family since the previous September.

And Alice…I felt my breath hitch in my chest at the sorrow that was a constant reminder on her face, in her eyes now. After our run-in with Edward, what we'd discovered about her past—hell's bells, my pixie just hadn't really been the same since.

She tried. She really did. And sometimes…sometimes, I almost believed she was better. Unfortunately, with my ability, there were not many emotions that could be hidden from me.

But after that dreadful day when we'd found Edward in that hovel—well, something had broken inside of my pixie and I was pretty sure unless Edward came back and we went back to Forks, she wouldn't be fixed.

And God knows, I'd tried everything. But nothing had worked. Not even my ability to influence emotion. Not really. It was just a temporary fix. It didn't really change anything long-term. Which usually just caused us all to sink deeper in our despair. I couldn't lie—I was pretty miserable, feeling everything that the rest of them felt along with my own feelings. There were times it really was nearly unbearable and thoughts of going off somewhere else would flit through my mind. But only if Alice would go with me and I didn't think she would. Not now. Maybe not ever.

After Alice had told the rest of the family about our encounter with Edward, everybody had taken on the sadness to some extent. Even fun-loving Emmett didn't seem to be having as much—well, fun. He and Rose had returned from Paris to spend the holidays with the family and then had decided to stay on through the New Year, both enrolling with me in spring classes at Cornell.

While we all lived together, we had definitely gone our separate ways as each of us coped as best we could. And so I found myself doing what I'd begun as a way to work out my pent up frustration at the hopelessness of our situation (all brought about by my own hand of course) and now would spend countless hours if to give me nothing other than a break from the overwhelming emotions in the house.

A derisive snort left me as I picked up the next log and put it on the chopping block. Not as if vampires really needed firewood. But at least I had a purpose. Something to keep my hands occupied, even if my mind did betray me.

Rose had the garage and I knew she spent countless hours working on her cars. She'd taken her Spyder out of storage. It was her baby and had been as long as I'd known her. She'd refused to take it to Forks, claiming that the climate was hell on the cherry paint job. But I knew she missed Forks.

The longing was palpable anytime in her presence. She'd liked it there the most of anywhere we'd been. It was where she'd been able to be the most normal. And next to my wife, Rose was the one who enjoyed the human pretense the most. In fact, it had been Rosalie and myself who had planned to ensure the family's safety the most in the beginning, when Edward had still been unsure of if he loved Bella or if he would kill her.

Rose had done so out of her fierce protectiveness of our family and her desire to not leave Forks. My uneasy alliance with Rose had been born out of my fierce protectiveness of my pixie and her desire to not leave Forks. However, our alliance had crumbled the moment Alice had told me of her vision showing her and Bella as the best of friends.

That's all it ever took—one word, one look—I was putty in her hands. Of all of our family, I had the most faith in my wife's visions. How could I not? They had led her to me, led us to the Cullens, to a life I would never have thought possible. The life I had now destroyed.

_THWACK!_ Oops. Lost in my thoughts, my anger at myself and what we were all suffering now had caused me to swing harder than intended. My ax was now buried well and good having split through the log, the chopping block and planting itself well into the frozen ground. A frustrated sigh escaped my lips and the puff of air floated upward in the cold atmosphere.

Although I could have easily extricated the ax, I decided that I'd had enough of the wallowing for one afternoon. I hadn't seen my pixie all day and I knew exactly where to find her. If I spent hours chopping unnecessary firewood and Rose and Emmett spent hours in the garage doing God knows what and Esme spent hours restoring our house and Carlisle spent hours at the hospital drowning his sorrow in caring for others, my wife—well, frankly, I knew she spent hours plotting. Alone. A dangerous prospect in the best of times. And these were the worst of times.

But no longer. It was time for me to focus on something other than myself. And I had the feeling if Edward ever found out what my wife had been up to, she was definitely going to need some protecting. Oh, I knew deep down she could take care of herself.

But who was going to protect her from herself? Hell's bells, that's what I ended up doing 95% of the time anyway. She needed reminding of what she promised Edward in that motel room. It didn't mean that I agreed with the stubborn mule but if nothing, I was loyal. And true to my word.

I knew where I'd find her. A light snow had begun to fall. Again. There were inches and inches of the stuff already on the upstate New York ground. It didn't bother me. It was the same temperature as my own skin which felt normal to me. It was the big fluffy flake kind. The kind that looked like the fake stuff in a movie. The kind that Alice usually reveled in, doing all of those silly human things like making snow angels, snow forts and snowball fights, snowmen, and dear Lord, my favorite one of all—when she'd stick out her tiny pink tongue and catch the flakes on the tip until a little pile would build and then shake off with her laughter, her imp's eyes shining with her mirth.

My body tightened at the thought and my breath hitched in my throat. Damn, even a silly memory could make me want her like nothing else in this world. I had to find her. Now. Six hours was too long to be out of her presence. To be too far away to touch her, see her smile, kiss her until she couldn't stop smiling.

My pace picked up and I was straight out running. My destination was the small river that ran in the woods behind our house. She and I had found a flat outcropping of rocks that jutted out over the rushing waters. We'd both always found comfort being near the water. Many of our best memories were near bodies of water. I suppose when you had abilities like ours, it was nice to have someplace that you could concentrate on something other than those and the responsibilities they brought to us.

But I knew that's exactly what my pixie had been up to in recent weeks. There was a bit of a wall between us. That usually happened anytime she was doing something she knew she probably oughtn't , something I wasn't likely to agree with. I didn't need Edward's ability to know how my pixie's mind worked. And I didn't need her ability to know that she was likely weaving a more intangible web than she intended. And likely all of us would be the ones caught in it. My job was to make sure that it didn't happen that way. Or at least there'd be a way for us to extricate ourselves out of it if necessary.

It was beyond explanation how I knew these things about her. I just did. I always had. Just as she knew how my mind worked. In a lot of ways it was as if each of us _did_ have Edward's ability. Except only with each other. If I'd needed to breathe, she would have been my air. If my heart still needed to beat, she would have been electrical impulse making it so. She drove my every thought, my every action.

Never had a poorer pathetic creature existed than myself because she personified the weakness that was me. My lack of control, my lack of discipline, especially when it came to Alice, well, honestly, it was legendary in our family. But I had to be strong now. I had to muster all of my former soldier's discipline. Because I was going to need every last shred if I was going to save her from Edward. And most of all herself.

I scowled as I thought of what I must do, a flash of pink caught my eye. Alice. I came to an abrupt stop as her unique scent hit me. Her back was to me. She had on a pale pink puffy ski jacket. Her back was to me but I could tell she had her legs crossed Indian-style. There was a light dusting of fluffy snowflakes in her hair. She looked like a fairy snow princess. I knew I wasn't breathing. No puffs of air escaping me along with the odd sensation that not breathing brought.

She rested one elbow on one knee and her fingertips rubbed at her temple that lightly rested there. Yep, just as I'd figured. She was searching. I just hoped it wasn't what I thought it was. I knew better than anyone that she did not take orders well. But she was honorable more so than many of the soldiers I'd commanded over the years so _if_ she was breaking her promise, I knew she'd have a good reason. Or at least she damn well better had. Especially if Edward ever found out.

I silently made my way to the rocks and lightly jumped up and crept until I was right behind her. In one swift movement I wrapped my right arm loosely around her neck and gripped her left shoulder lightly while putting my lips next to her ear and hauling her back against my chest. "Please tell me that you are looking to see where we are going for spring break and not what I _think_ you're looking for."

"Eeek!" A surprised squeal escaped her as she was crushed against my front. Both her hands flew up and gripped my forearm. Hard. She tried to pull away trying to turn her head to look at me but I held her firmly in place. I was enjoying the feel of her way too much to give it up yet. I kept my lips against her ear and kept my voice low. "Don't move, pixie."

"Jazz." That one syllable came out somewhere between a sigh of relief and a benediction. I wouldn't have thought it possible but I got harder just with that one little sound. Something halfway between a groan and a growl left my throat straight into her ear. She shuddered. I wasn't sure if with fear or desire. Maybe a combination of both. She wasn't afraid of me. She never had to fear I would cause her physical harm. But I'd caught her red-handed. White-handed. Pink-jacketed. Hell's bells, I'd caught her.

Plus, I could feel both the fear and desire rolling off of her. In huge waves. It was enough that I couldn't resist one second longer. I had to claim her as mine. Show her that I meant business. I caught her earlobe between my teeth and gave it a little nip. I both heard and felt her sharp intake of breath. The monster of desire inside me leaped in triumph.

I allowed my lips to trail down her neck, nibbling here and there as I went. I brought the arm that was wrapped around her to come up and tilt her head back and turn her face to mine. Rather than plundering her lips as my monster demanded, instead, I lightly feathered mine against hers. I let my tongue lightly trace the outline of her lips. And then finally when she let out a low moan as if in protest of my denial of what she wanted, I took control of her mouth with my own, plunging my tongue into the cavern it craved, tasting her in a primal rhythm that we had perfected over the years.

She met me stroke for stroke and suddenly I was not the one in control any longer. I sighed in surrender. That was usually how it went. But as her tongue danced with mine almost in a frenzy, I realized that I really didn't care. If this is what surrender meant, I'd do it over and over again for the rest of eternity.

And for the first time in a long time I felt something unusual…we were both happy. Really _really_ happy. Then I lost myself in the emotions and the desire with no other thoughts than my pixie for a long time.

**Alice's POV**

I'd nearly jumped out of my skin when my cowboy had sneaked up on me like that. I'd known it was him the second he'd pulled me against him. I'd know his touch in the deepest darkest pit of hell which was exactly where I could possibly end up. Yes, he'd startled me out of a vision. A vision I shouldn't have been having. And he knew it. And I knew he knew it.

His voice had filled me with an incredible sense of guilt. Mixed up with a little fear. And a lot of desire. And once he'd started his punishment, it hadn't taken long for the tables to turn and for me to take control of the situation. I'd done my damndest to make him forget and I think it had worked for a little while. Unfortunately, we'd both been burning for the other and it had been a fast and furious coupling. Literally.

Now we were lying here on the rock, my face against his chest while he absently played with my hair. Which meant he was thinking. And that was not good. It had stopped snowing but there was a light dusting almost blending into his pale muscular chest. I found myself drawing patterns in the snow there. But as my fingers drifted lower to the snow on his abdomen, his free hand came up and stilled it there.

I looked up in surprise. He was scowling at the gray sky, not looking at me. It was not a good sign. I felt the guilt rise up in me again and I did my best to tamp it down. If I dwelt too much, he'd feel it. I decided to take a very pixie-like strategy—make light of it, charm the pants off of him. Er, figuratively this time.

Tugging my hand free, I crossed both palms against his chest and rested my chin there. I tried to ignore the slight disappointment that he'd freely let my hand go. But I took comfort that he was still playing with my hair. Which I was sure was a spiky wet mess now.

"How much trouble am I in, cowboy?" I couldn't help but flash my widest smile. His eyes rolled down and looked at me when I'd spoken. I could tell he was fighting it but his mouth went up in a half-smile. "Heaps." He muttered. Then he shifted his gaze back to the sky but the scowl was gone. Instead he looked thoughtful with only the faintest crease line between his brows. He was either deciding on my next punishment or determining how he was going to save me from myself.

My smile grew wider at the thought. That was my soldier. Always trying to protect me—doing what he thought was in my best interest. Sometimes it was annoying. But sometimes, like today, when I was so riddled with doubt and guilt, it made me feel loved. And that made me want to share with him what I'd been up to.

After all, it was only fair. Part of it had involved him. I had started nibbling on my lower lip trying to determine how best to tell him all of this when he blew out a sigh and his eyes came back and met mine. His free hand came up and pushed my bangs back of my forehead before his fingertips traced my brow line and gently followed my jaw line. His thumb tugged at my lower lip until it came free from my teeth.

"Hmmm." He half-sighed this time and I felt the vibration of his baritone voice rumble in his silent chest. It made my palms tingle. For a variety of reasons. "Pix, I swear, I don't know whether to swat your bottom or kiss you senseless until you tell me what the hell you're doing now." I could hear the frustration in his voice but it was tinged with humor.

Unwittingly, I laughed and it echoed down to the frozen river below and bounced off the rocks surrounding us. "Um, how about both?" I winked at him and his eyes were startled at my words and then he threw his head back and barked out a long laugh. I tingled all the way down to my toes at the rich sound. It wasn't often that he let himself laugh this deeply and it felt good. I grinned goofily down at him as I drank in the sound, the feel. I felt like I had the upper hand this time.

But in the next second, I lost whatever advantage I thought I had. Quick as a cat, his arms had tightened around me and suddenly I found myself trapped between a rock and a hard place. Literally. Deliciously so. His palms were on either side of my head as he slightly lifted his upper body off of mine but my legs were trapped between his.

He was grinning down at me lopsidedly and his eyes were dancing in triumph at our reversal of roles. I found myself grinning back at him. He shifted against me and lowered until our lips were a bare inch apart but his eyes never left mine. "Are you going to tell me?" While his tone was casual, I knew he was serious.

"Um, yes. But promise not to get mad, 'kay?" I did my best to be charming. He simply rolled his eyes and let out a put-upon sigh. "A-l-ice." He drawled. All Texas twangy like. Then he shifted his lower body against mine and I gasped in surprise. Goodness, he was randy today. Not that I minded.

Then he closed the rest of the distance and rubbed his nose against mine. Neither of us said anything but the memory was in both of our eyes. And then his lips brushed against mine and no coaxing was necessary for me to open my lips to him. When he finally dragged his lips from mine, we were both breathing hard and the air was visible meeting in the middle as we breathed in and out.

His gaze penetrated mine. "Wow, I really love those Texas kisses. Still. They never get old." I was babbling now, but that's what the damned fool did to me. Still. He arched one brow but there was a half-smile on his lips. "Okay, cowboy. I just wanted to make sure he was safe, all right? I mean I don't think I was technically breaking my promise, because I wasn't going to interfere no matter what I saw. I just needed to know." My words came out so fast and sounded a little whiny to my own ears. But I was begging for his understanding.

"Go on." He intoned in his deep baritone. Acting the very part of patient husband. And really he was. Most of the time. I knew how lucky I was. I wiggled one arm free and brought my hand up to his face. I let my fingertips trace my favorite feathery scar patterns on his face. I felt and saw his jaw tighten slightly. I knew he hated these outward reminders of who he'd been. But to me, they showed the beauty of who he was—a fierce protector, warrior, loyal, brave. I needed him to be all of those things for me now when I was so unbelievable scared and sad for our family. I drew a deep steadying breath.

"And he's safe. Miserable. Stubborn. But safe. He's in South America. Brazil I think. See I didn't even look long enough to know for sure." My voice sounded a little imperious, but dammit, I wanted him to know that I really was just looking as peripherally as possible. I really had tried not to focus on the details too much or to look too far ahead. And I hadn't searched out Bella's future at all. I could only pray she was holding it together somehow. For her sake. Edward's sake. Charlie and Renee's sake. Her loss would affect so many if anything ever happened.

"And then when you so deliciously…I mean so rudely interrupted me," He gave me an arch look but his lips twitched as if he was suppressing a grin. I grinned haughtily back. "I _actually was_ searching out where we were going on spring break." He gave me a look of disbelief but then said, "Okay, where are we going?" I kept my confident gaze steady on his.

"Denali. Esme and Carlisle are coming but then going to Calgary for a couple of days to hunt and see Victor Cambridge. Apparently he's leading a small Anglican parish there." He nodded so I knew he believed me. I never had to worry that Jazz would doubt the accuracy of my visions. Sometimes I felt he had _too_ much faith in me.

"Are Rose and Emmett coming?" I could tell he was already contemplating having me all to himself for a couple of days in the Alaska wilderness. A shiver ran through me at the thought but I knew it wasn't meant to be. "Afraid so, cowboy. So if there's anything you want to get out of your system, there's no time like the present."

And then to my utter happiness, he obliged me by getting so so many things out of his system.


	10. Damages

A/N: Okay, Dear Readers, so this is the beginning of the end, right? It's spring break time and that means that this is where the action really picks up. This chapter is a little unusual for me in that it is really only from one character's pov. Don't worry, you'll see what Jasper was up to and his reaction to Alice's news in the next chapter. Thanks to an enthusiastic reader who showered me with reviews, cullen86ers! Please, I hope you will review for this chapter! I only got one for the last one so I'm thinking maybe I'm off base here? Until next time…

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials.

Underneath It All

Chapter 10: Damages

**Alice's POV**

I'd come to realize over the past several months that distractions were good. Lord knows, I'd tried to fill the days, weeks, months with them—trying to forget, trying not to interfere. Just as I'd promised my brother. But I'd just as readily come to realize that distractions were not always entirely successful.

They were for a while but if I were truly honest with myself, my fractured family and the circumstances that caused us to be so were never completely out of my mind. There were times—with Jasper—that I did well and truly forget. For awhile. Wonderfully wicked and naughty times—like the day he'd found me on the rocks—but they were fleeting. And when it was over, the guilt would come back because I knew I wasn't being completely honest or fair to my husband.

Because as happy as he made me, as loved as he made me feel, there was a huge chunk of my life that was lacking. Edward and Bella.

I still hadn't come up with a viable realistic plan of how to get our family back together and to get my stubborn brother to accept his fate—that he and Bella would be together for eternity—both as vampires. And sheesh had I tried!

I had thought of nothing but schemes and plots for weeks. But still not one blasted idea that would work. Worst of all, I'd kept my plotting from Jasper. And more than anything, I hated keeping secrets from him. First of all, I'd never been good at keeping secrets. Usually my enthusiasm got the better of me. Or just one arch of my soldier's brow while holding his gorgeous face in a stern mask and he reduced me to a quivering mass. For a variety of reasons.

And I was sorry about that. Sorry that I couldn't share this secret with him. But he wouldn't approve.

He'd mentioned far too many times since he'd caught me that day on the rocks that he knew I was honorable and that I would never ever go against Edward's express wishes or knowingly break my promise. The disapproval in his tone was enough to riddle me with guilt. And enough to keep me silent. I knew I wouldn't be able to live with that shadow of disappointment in Jasper's eyes when he looked at me if he knew what I'd really seen that day.

I was having a hard enough time as it was coping with the dissolution of our family and learning what I had about my past. Not to mention the disastrous conversations, few as they were, with Edward since the party.

I'd only told Jazz a little white lie. Okay, maybe two little white lies. Wait, did that equal a big black lie?

But it was for his own good. He believed in my visions too much. He didn't understand how blurry they could be. That just because I saw one thing today didn't mean that it would be the same tomorrow. Or even in the next hour or 15 minutes. And I wasn't sure if I should reveal to him just how very much I'd needed to talk to Edward after that day at the Last Resort and then after what I'd seen in South America...

Jazz wouldn't have approved on so many levels. But the state of existence my brother was in was not one I could live with. So unbeknownst to Jasper, I'd made a phone call. Several unanswered phone calls. Thousands of unanswered phone calls. Hundreds of unreturned texts.

Until one day, he finally picked up.

Of course, being the dutiful son that he was, Edward still called in every few months but only talked to Carlisle. He refused to speak to any of the rest of us. I hated the haunted look in Esme's eyes each time he called—the rejection that was evident in her expressive face, the slump of her shoulders each time Edward declined to speak with her.

Dang, but for the eight hundredth time I wished that Carlisle was here now! I could really use his advice. I was ready to spill my secrets to someone and other than myself, no one in the family knew Edward better. But as Jazz, Rosalie, Emmett and I had come to Denali, Esme and Carlisle had diverged to Calgary for a few days to visit an old friend and hunt.

I'd been so preoccupied with all that had been going on that I hadn't hunted in two weeks. But the hunger barely touched me. I just kept replaying my phone call with Edward over and over for the past three days. As we'd flown to Alaska, gone to Denali, spent time with Tanya, Irina, and Kate, I was there but I wasn't really _there._

I spent a lot of time in Jasper and my's cozy bedroom that sported a fireplace. Just sitting in front of that fireplace staring at the unneeded fire. Staring at nothing really. Just replaying that damn phone call and despairing over anything changing.

There, another distraction. But not a good one.

_I had hit the speed dial with no real hope that he would pick up. It was probably the 37__th__ time I had dialed in a 45 minute period. On the fourth ring, I heard a click and took a breath getting ready to leave a message. Again._

"_What?" His terse voice came on the line. I froze in shock. His normally velvet voice sounded low and raspy as if it was an unused instrument._

_I heard a heavy sigh. "What do you want, Alice?" He'd picked up. He'd finally picked up and now I couldn't think of one blasted thing that I'd wanted to say—that I'd planned to say._

"_Um, hi!" My voice was high, squeaky and I actually heard a slight tremor to it. Sheesh, I was nervous! I heard a half-growl in response. Uh-oh._

"_Is that it? I'm hanging up now." His voice was still raspy but a little of the silk was back in it. And deep down, there was a tiny part of me that thought behind the exasperation, he kind of sounded—well, amused._

"_Wait!" Unbelievably, my voice went up two octaves. "Don't hang up. Please." I held my breath and waited three seconds. Amazingly, I didn't hear the phone click dead on the other end._

"_You're not still tracking Victoria are you?" I knew the answer but I suppose it helped assuage my own guilt at not keeping my promise. I heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end. Then his tone was belligerent, almost pompous. "Of course not. Unlike some vampires, _I_ keep my promises." That stung a little. Not a lot. But a little._

"_Is that it? Worried about if I'm keeping my word? Well, I am." A harsh bitter laugh barked out of him. It sent a shiver down my spine. I thought he'd been in bad shape in Texas. He was worse now._

_Any hope I'd had that time would heal the fractures in our family disappeared. This was really it. He wasn't coming back. I couldn't believe it and I was angry. Spitting angry! I suddenly felt like lashing out! _

_He was acting like a spoiled brat who'd had his favorite plaything taken away and he didn't care who he hurt as long as he got his way. And here I was damaging my marriage, putting walls up with the one man who'd stood by me through it all. The one who'd stayed. What was I fighting so hard for anyway?_

"_You know Edward, you're not the only mourning here. I've lost my best friend for an insanely stupid reason. You've extracted promise after promise from me without showing me any courtesy whatsoever or acknowledging the effect this has had on me at all. Not to mention my marriage. Oh, and the rest of our family." My words were coming out fast and low. This could be my last chance in eternity to unload on him and by God I was going to take it._

"_By the way, do you not worry about her? Do you not want to know if she is safe? I mean this is _Bella_ we're talking about for Christ's sake! Even _you_ said she was a magnet for danger. If you'd only let me search out and be sure. I'm in a constant state of worry here and it's taking a toll. I can't believe that you would be so dense as to think that by us being gone that nothing will happen to her. She's _human. _And Bella. Or she could be in such a state that she does something desperate." _

"_Enough!" His tone was tight and authoritative. I kept silent although there were loads more I wanted to say. "She won't do anything that would put her in danger. Or anything desperate. She promised me. And for the love of God, Alice, DON'T make me ask this again. Don't search out her future. We've done more than enough damage for the span of her human life." The anger was gone. Now he just sounded tired. Hopeless and tired. Never a good combination. Especially since vampires didn't tire._

"_I'm sorry, imp. Sorry for all of it. I'm sorry you're suffering. I'm sorry this is hurting you and Jasper. But I can't take it back. I can't. She'll forget. She's probably already forgotten." His voice cracked on this last word and my heart cracked in two. I'd seen how he was suffering in Brazil. I'd seen what he was doing to himself. _

_And suddenly I realized something. He was not being selfish in staying away. He was trying to protect us from being around him in his current state. Of course! How could I be so blind? That is who he was. Always putting others ahead of himself, always trying to protect everyone even at his own expense. It was part of what made him so very very good. _

_And yet, much like my Jasper, that tendency to be overprotective could be an incredible flaw capable of much damage. But if you loved someone, you loved all of them—the good and the bad. _

_It was time for me to accept Edward and his pronouncements. He was wrong. So very wrong. But I'd finally told him all of that. Now, I was going to have to do something that was not natural to me—be patient. Wait this out. It would have to work out. I had to believe that. Besides, he'd used his old nickname for me. I knew he still cared. And if he still cared, he wouldn't be able to stay away from us forever._

"_Okay, Edward. You win. I'll abide by your wishes. And I won't bother you again. I know that when you're ready, you'll come home. You _will_ come home. And I don't know that because I've searched it out. This is something I know in my heart. Non-working thing that it is. I miss you."_

_I heard a deep shuddering sigh on the other end and I realized that he was crying. Oh, there would be no tears running down his face. But for Edward, _this_ was crying. It broke my heart even further. "Miss you too. You little freak." I chuckled knowing that only Edward could make that sound like an endearment. But before I could say anything else, I knew he was gone. It was that eerie silence from the other end of the phone when instinctively you know you're alone. _

A light knock on the door brought me out of my reverie. I knew it wasn't Jazz. He and Emmett were supposedly hunting and probably doing all sorts of foolish competitions in the Alaskan wilderness. Besides, he would have just come in.

"Come in." I called softly. The door opened slowly and I saw a glimpse of Rosalie's golden hair and then she just peeked her head in the door. It was so unlike Rose to be hesitant about anything. It piqued my curiosity.

"Alice? Do you have a sec?" Wow, again, not really like Rose. She usually just assumed I would want to hear whatever she had to say. "Sure, Rose. Come in and join me." I patted the matching beige armchair next to mine in front of the now dying fire.

In less than a second, she was seated next to me, looking at me with apprehension. Had something happened? Bad news? I'd never seen her so nervous before. If anything Rose usually overcompensated when she was nervous by acting even haughtier or more confident.

It never bothered me. Not like it did Edward. Or even Jasper to an extent. Actually, Rosalie and I were closer than even most of our family realized. I think I was one of the few females in the world that Rose could relate to—because she didn't really think of me as competition.

And I wasn't. But there was a lot more to Rosalie than just the surface beauty. She just didn't like to show that to a lot of people. I think Carlisle knew it. Emmett, somewhat. And then there was me. Outside of Emmett, I was the one she spent the most time with in the family. It wasn't a lot of time but it was enough.

So it worried me now to see her chewing on her thumbnail as she looked at me anxiously. It was starting to set me on edge a little bit.

"Rose?" Just her name as a question. I didn't have to say anything else.

"Alice, I need your help." Her voice was soft yet determined. This was big. Rosalie didn't ask for help.

"What is it sweetie? You know I'll do anything I can." I meant it too.

She opened her mouth. Then closed it. Then opened it again. Most people would probably look like a dying fish but of course on Rosalie—well, she still looked like a dying fish but the prettiest dying fish you ever would have seen. I started counting in my head to ten to keep from filling the lengthening silence.

"Alice, it's Forks. I want to go back to Forks and I want you to help me—help _us_—get back there." It wasn't said pleadingly or even belligerently. She just said it almost defiantly—as if daring me to decline or to tell her she was crazy.

"I don't know if I understand, Rose." My eyebrows drew down in confusion. I really wasn't sure what she was asking.

She drew in a deep breath. "I know we promised Edward. But it looks like he's not coming back and I really don't see the problem of us going back. I mean in three months you and Bella would graduate. You could just avoid her at school. Then she'll be gone to college and no one would be the wiser." She was pleading now. Her face had grown softer, her eyes were begging me to agree, to understand.

"It's really the only place I've ever been happy. And I miss it. I don't miss _her_. But I miss our life there." Her eyes had hardened when she mentioned Bella. I decided to ignore that part. It was no great secret that there was no love lost when it came to Bella. But it was obvious that there was when it came to Forks.

Rosalie's admission kind of took me aback. It shouldn't have. I remembered the lengths she was willing to go to when Edward struggled with how to handle his feelings for Bella, his thirst for her. And it hadn't been for Edward's sake. She'd made it plain that she did not want to leave Forks. And yet less than a year later, that's exactly what we'd had to do. Yet again, just more collateral damage in the bomb that had been Bella's birthday.

I'd been so wrapped up in my own pain and grief and scheming that I hadn't even bothered to notice how it had affected Rosalie. Granted, she and Emmett had spent most of their time in Europe but now I understood why. I'm sure it'd been too painful for her to be near the rest of us in someplace other than what she considered home.

"Oh, Rosalie! I had no idea you felt that way! I understand, I truly do. But Rose, we promised and I don't think it would be…good…" I hesitated to say this because I knew it would probably provoke a very Rosalie-like reaction and it'd been kind of nice up to this point. More like sisters.

"I don't think it would be good for…Bella" Sure enough, Rose gave a slight hiss at the name but I plowed ahead. It was important for her to understand why I couldn't help her. "…if we came back without Edward." As I finished, I realized that connecting my refusal to Edward and Bella could possibly cause irreparable damage to Rosalie and my's relationship but I'd had to say it. It was the truth.

Her eyes narrowed at my words and her mouth was set in a grim line. "It's not fair! Why do we always have to do everything _he_ wants? Why do the rest of us have to suffer because of his mistakes?" Her tone while tinged with anger, actually sounded more hurt. I felt sorry for her but I couldn't show her my pity. She would not accept it.

I leaned across and laid a hand on her forearm, squeezing it reassuringly. "Because sweetie, he's had to do it for us too sometimes. And even though we don't always all agree or always even get along, we _are_ a family. And that's what families do—they support each other through good _and_ bad times. Because we love each other—the good and the bad."

She had looked down when I started speaking and when she looked back up her eyes were bright as if with unshed tears and her full bottom lip quivered. But then she set her jaw and lifted her chin a bit defiantly and her eyes flashed at me. "Fine." She said between clenched teeth. Ah, this was more like the Rose I knew and loved. "But don't you expect me to like it Alice Cullen. And don't expect me to ask you for anything ever again!"

I grinned at her. _This_ I knew how to handle. But just as I opened my mouth to respond, it happened.

My temples throbbed and then I felt my face go slack. I'd told Edward time and again that I couldn't always control it. I never knew if it was all of the talk of Forks and Bella or my constant replay of my phone conversation with Edward or if it was just how attuned I was to her but whatever it was—it led me to the most frightening vision of my existence up to that point.

He was wrong. She _was_ desperate. So desperate that I saw the whole thing happen.

She ran right to the edge of a high cliff and flung herself over the edge. She went into the swirling waters below and then…nothing. I just saw Bella die.

Rosalie had gripped my hand and was slightly shaking me. "What is it? Alice! What's happened?"

I looked at her horrified. I couldn't find my voice. Could this be? Bella dead? And at her own hand? No! I had to stop this. But how long? How long did I have? I could have days, months, but also maybe minutes.

Somehow, acting on pure instinct, I jumped to my feet. Rosalie followed me and gripped me by the shoulders. "Alice, you're scaring me. What did you see?"

"Rose, it's awful. Bella…she…she…she's going to die. She could be dead already." My voice was a whisper. I still couldn't find it.

Rose looked at me in disbelief. "How? When?" She was shocked but I could see behind her eyes that she was already thinking about what this meant. Not to Charlie or Edward or even me, but what it meant for our family and her.

I felt anger surge through me along with my grief or maybe as a result of my grief. A mirthless laugh escaped me. "She flings herself off a cliff. I don't know when. I wouldn't start packing just yet." Rose looked at me a little stunned and a little guilty.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a plane to catch." I shook off her hands and moved past her to the dresser where my cell phone lay. I wondered how far away Jazz was. This really wasn't something I wanted to say on the phone.

Plus I wanted him to go with me. I _needed_ him to go with me. I wasn't sure how I would handle being there for Charlie, how I would handle truly mourning for Bella, if I didn't have Jazz to go home to at the end of the day.

Rose moved to the door and paused. "Alice, I am sorry if you took my reaction the wrong way. And I'm truly sorry if this happens. But I can't be sorry that it might mean we get to go home."

And before I could respond, she was gone. Which was probably best because I was shaking in my anger and my grief and I would likely have said things that I would have not been able to take back later.

I had no time to waste worrying about Rosalie though. I hit the speed dial for Jazz's cell. He picked up on the first ring. Oddly, I heard laughter in the background. One or maybe all of the Denali sisters and Emmett guffawing as if they'd just heard the world's funniest joke. It seemed so incongruous. So wrong. How could anyone laugh at a time like this? But then I remembered. They didn't know.

"Pixie." His voice washed over me like warm whiskey. So full of love. Just that one word. God, please let me find my voice.

"Cowboy, where are you?" My voice was barely above a whisper and it didn't sound like me at all. It sounded lifeless, dead.

"Alice, what's happened? Are you okay?" I could hear the alarm in his voice and I heard the wind . He was running. Probably as fast as he could now that he'd heard my voice.

"How far away are you? I need to talk to you but not on the phone." Again, no life. I couldn't even pretend. Besides, there was a part of me that wanted him to get here as fast as he could. I felt bad about panicking him, but it couldn't be helped.

"I'll be there in five minutes, darlin'. Maybe less." And I knew he meant it. "Okay, thank you." I whispered. My voice had finally left me again. And then I snapped the phone shut.

Once he was here, I would be okay. I would be able to do what I had to do. And we'd have time to get to the airport and maybe we'd be in time to save her. Or maybe my vision was wrong. Sometimes I got crossed with a faulty wire. Maybe this was one of those times.

But that's when my knees gave out and I fell to the floor in a fetal position. I knew I was fooling myself. My vision wasn't faulty. And we wouldn't be in time to save her. We'd be there in time to help Charlie and Renee plan her funeral. At least I'd have Jasper with me.

And once we'd made it through all of that—well, _then_ and _only_ then would I figure out how in the blue blazes I was going to tell my brother so that he would not join her.


	11. Interference

A/N: Well, dear readers, we meet again. It was a near thing for this one. I lost half of the story by an ill-timed closing of the document without saving and I nearly lost heart to finish. But I persevered and recreated as much as I could. I beg your indulgence for any deviation this chapter may have from the original New Moon text. It is very complex to try and keep as close to the original as possible. So a huge shout-out to all of my faithful readers and reviewers. Your comments and e-mails after the last chapter was the best present ever! And a special shout-out to my writing buddy, twilighterz4lifealison—you're review brought tears to my eyes with its kindness! Please review and let me know what you think. And don't think too poorly of Jasper. He can't _always_ let the pixie have her way!

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials. Only my own unique imaginings and original characters.

Underneath It All

Chapter 11: Interference

**Jasper's POV**

I was no more than ten miles away but it felt like a thousand miles. Tension was thrumming through my body and fear like none I had ever faced on the battlefield either human or vampire overpowered me.

I'd seen my pixie in some bad spots before, but I felt fear shivering through me at her tone. Something had happened and the way she'd sounded—I had a sinking feeling that something had happened to Edward. Or Bella. It was the only explanation. Oh, it could've been someone else in our family but that was so improbable.

And I had a sneaking suspicion that this could be related to all of the things she'd been keeping from me lately. It frustrated me to no end but I also knew that she'd share in her own time. But if her voice was any indication, it may have been to late for me to help her now.

The house was in sight and I never broke stride as I hustled up the steps and through the front door. "Pixie!" My own voice was gruff, desperate. "In here Jazz." Her voice was broken, hushed but I knew where it came from.

I slammed our bedroom door open and it splintered under my blow. I didn't care. There she was on the floor beside the bed. She was against the wall, her knees drawn up and her tiny arms clasped around them. Her forlorn gaze met mine and in the next instant she'd jumped up and flung herself into my arms.

I hugged her as tight as I could, trying to keep her and myself from coming apart. But it was a losing battle. She was trembling uncontrollably in the circle of my arms. I stroked her soft dark hair and made murmuring shushing sounds.

It was amazing that only minutes before I'd actually been enjoying myself with Emmett and Kate and Tanya down by the river behind the sisters' house. We'd feasted on a couple of Kodiak bears who'd come down to the river to feast themselves on the salmon who were in abundance.

The good feelings that we'd all been sharing laughing at Emmett's antics had dissipated. Now all I felt was the overwhelming desolation and grief that rolled off of my pixie. What the hell had happened?

I pulled her back to look into her face. At first she resisted, clinging to my neck but then as I tugged harder, she allowed me to push her back. Her eyes were cast down and I grasped her chin in one of my hands and lifted her face to mine.

"Alice, sweetheart, what's happened?" Her black eyes were bright with her misery. How had I not noticed the purple bruises beneath her eyes, how she needed to hunt? But I hadn't. Until now.

She opened her mouth to speak but no words came. Her hand flew up to her throat and she seemed as surprised as I that she was speechless, couldn't find her voice. I couldn't remember the last time that had happened, if ever.

I growled in frustration and my eyes closed briefly. I met her gaze and then clasped her face in both of mine, cradling her head as gently as I could. "Hell's bells pixie, you're killing me here. Did you have a vision? Is it Edward?" Mutely, she just shook her head and I saw the horror in her eyes.

"I'm sorry cowboy. I didn't mean to scare you. But Jazz…oh, Jazz…it's horrible!" Her voice came out in a whisper. "It's…it's…B-B-Bella. She's dead." Disbelief shot through me and I stiffened at her words. She was shaking again and I realized that she was silently sobbing. No, this had to be a mistake!

"Pixie, no, surely you're mistaken. I'm sure she's fine." My own voice came out low, gruff. She shook her head again and clasped my hands with her own, bringing them down to our sides, entwining our fingers.

"No, Jazz. It's true. I saw it. I saw it happen. We have to go to Forks. I have to be there for Ch-Ch-Charlie." Her voice was a little above a whisper now but it was still broken and lifeless. Just like on the phone.

My spine straightened and I knew then that it was true. If she'd seen it then it had either happened or would soon. Too soon for anything to be done. "But, how?" I couldn't comprehend what was happening.

"He was wrong, Jazz! He was so wrong! He said she wouldn't do anything desperate. But she did. She…she jumped off a cliff. And she's dead. I just know it!" Her voice had an almost desperate ring to it. As if she were daring me to tell her she was wrong, that it wasn't true. But if she saw it…I couldn't do that. I knew it must be true.

"Oh, pixie. I am so sorry!" I pulled her back into my embrace and cradled her head against my chest. I knew there were no adequate words to soothe the loss of her best friend. At the same time, a traitorous thought teased the back of my mind. Why had she seen this? Did she seek it out? I knew she'd been likely breaking her promise to Edward and now look where her interference had gotten her. I sighed in frustration. I would have done anything to spare her this pain but she shouldn't have looked.

"So you see Jazz? We have to go to Forks. Charlie's going to need me. We have to go now." Her words were muffled against my shirt but I heard them plainly. My confusion grew. None of it made sense. I'd never really pictured Bella as the type to kill herself. And why after so long? But even if she had, why did we have to go to Forks? Nothing could be done now. What good would it do Alice to be there? Absolutely none. Only cause her more pain and misery.

No. I couldn't let her do that to herself. I'd let this go on far too long as it was. I should have made her confide in me, convinced her to stop her interference as she'd promised. And deep down inside I had to admit that it hurt a little. That she hadn't just trusted me on her own—that I'd had to cajole for every little scrap she'd shared with me and even then it hadn't been enough. I wasn't enough.

She turned and tugged me as she backed toward the door while facing me. "Come on Jazz. We can't waste anymore time! I've already reserved the plane tickets." Her voice sounded like tinkling bells and I could see the pleading in her eyes.

The feelings of grief and need that were radiating from her nearly brought me to my knees as their weight rested square on my shoulders. It would be so easy to give in—it was my natural instinct to give her anything she wanted, to comfort her, protect her whenever I could.

But not this time. We'd promised Edward—she'd promised him. Her interference now would only make things worse once he found out. Especially as nothing could be done at this point. I pulled my hands out of hers and stood ramrod straight. I saw the confusion in her eyes as her brow puckered. "Jazz?" she asked in a lilting voice.

I shook my head and swallowed convulsively trying to clear the lump that had suddenly sprung up in my throat. "No pixie. I'm not going. And neither should you. We promised him. We should honor that. Especially since it's…it's probably too late anyway." I'd never know how but somehow I kept my voice steady. Like any good soldier who had to carry out an unpleasant duty.

She gasped in horror and pain at my words and looked at me stricken. I nearly broke right there and had to get out of her sight. I crossed to one of the armchairs in front of the fire and sat before my trembling knees betrayed the depth of the will it was taking to do this—to deny her. To add to her pain.

She crossed to me and stood a scant six inches away from me, looking down. I stared into the dying fire and refused to look in her eyes. I knew what I'd see. "Jasper, please. I need you. I-I don't know if I can do this alone. I know we promised but circumstances change. Please. Please." Her voice broke on her last whispered plea.

Finally, I looked up and I knew she'd see the bleakness that permeated every molecule of my being. I knew I was breaking her heart. But she was breaking mine too. "Why are you doing this to me?" I asked her.

She looked into my eyes, her bleakness matching my own. "Because I have to. She was my best friend and I never even said goodbye. I have to do whatever I can now to make up for that. I have to say goodbye now. And I want you with me but if you say no, I'm going anyway." Her voice was low but sure. I knew she meant it.

I reached out and grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to me until my cheek rested against her stomach. Her arms hesitated but then clasped my head to her, her fingers tangling in my hair. "Don't go." I murmured against her, pleading. "Stay with me. Choose me. I'm still here."

She shuddered once and her fingers tightened against my scalp at my words. I could feel another emotion to mix with all the others but I wasn't sure if it was hers or mine. Regret. And it tasted bitter.

"I'm sorry cowboy. I have to. I have to go." My eyes closed as I tried to tighten my grip but I knew it was useless. I had lost her. I had lost this battle so I dropped my arms as the desolation swept through me. A good soldier always knew when to retreat. Her hands were still in my hair and she tilted my head back. I let her. I felt numb, empty.

She gave me a fierce stare showing me her need, her love. But none of that mattered. And then she leaned down and touched her lips ever so softly, lightly to mine. "Forgive me, my love." She murmured against my lips. And then she was gone. In an instant. And I was alone. With no one to interfere in my misery.

**Alice's POV**

I'd made it with minutes to spare and was the last to board the plane. Luckily, only first-class seats had been left with such a last minute reservation so I'd been able to collapse into my seat without too much notice. I wasn't sure my legs would've held out for me to traipse to even the back of the plane. I was numb with pain and shock. Both at what I was sure had befallen Bella at this point and Jasper's refusal to accompany me.

Jasper. My chest throbbed in pain at the memory of that last moment with him. How the shadows of the dying fire had played across his face, accenting the devastation and hurt that was mirrored in his eyes as he'd looked up at me. It would haunt me forever.

But it hurt too. Even if I knew it was irrational, I felt rejected. He'd never refused to be there for me before and I really didn't know how to handle it. I just didn't want to think about it. Or him. It hurt way too much. So I tried to concentrate on what I faced when I landed in Seattle.

Since I'd reserved two seats, secure in the knowledge that my husband would join me, it meant that I now had both seats to myself. I took advantage and again tried not to think of the empty seat beside me. So I stretched out, taking advantage of the extra space to feign sleep. I desperately wanted to search out Bella, praying fervently that it had not yet happened or that I'd been wrong or that she'd changed her mind.

But as the plane rose, my vision was as hazy as the clouds we were passing through. Bella was just one big blank. My heart sank. I was definitely too late. All hope left me and I withdrew into myself. Now it was time for me to start planning what I would do once I landed. I had to pull it together. For Charlie's sake, I had to be there for him.

I'd thought leaving Jazz sitting in that chair by the fire was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. But maybe not. Burying my best friend was going to trump that. And as devastated as I felt, it would be nothing compared to poor Charlie. I felt my breath hitch just at the thought.

His loss was immeasurable. It was a total loss. He had no one else. At least I still had my family. And Jasper. Hopefully. But Charlie—he was so proud, so private. I only hoped he wouldn't view my arrival as interfering in his life.

But it was the least I could do. Along with the grief and the sadness, I was filled with regret. Regret for never truly saying goodbye to Bella. Regret for not sharing everything with Jasper. Regret for hurting him. The very thing I'd been trying to prevent by not telling him everything I knew, everything I was doing. If I'd been thinking clearly I would have realized that not letting him in was the one thing that would keep him away from me.

As the plane descended over the Pacific Northwest setting sun, I longed to call Jasper. To beg his forgiveness, to make him promise we'd never be apart again. And then my unrighteous indignation reared its ugly head. We wouldn't be apart now if he'd agreed to come with me. So in the end I didn't call him.

Instead, I ran as fast as I could toward Forks and the Swan house, trying to outrun the image of Jasper, bleak and alone. Trying to outrun the image of Edward in that motel, miserable and alone. Trying to outrun the image of Bella flinging herself off the cliff, desperate and alone.

I'd gone first to our house and retrieved Carlisle's Mercedes. I'd been so intent on getting to Forks that it never even dawned on me to rent a car at the airport. It was a short detour and I easily found my way back to the Swan house.

It was dark when I arrived. I stepped into the shadows of the tree in the front yard and looked at the house as it was cloaked in darkness. Not a light shone anywhere, not even the porch light. I swallowed hard knowing that it was empty. Charlie was not inside. He would be making…arrangements.

I flitted quickly to the front door. I'd briefly considered entering through Bella's window, but it was still early enough, I didn't want to draw attention. I grasped the doorknob and turned it without any real hope that it would be unlocked. But it was.

_Tsk, tsk Charlie. And you a police chief!_ But as soon as the traitorous thought popped into my head, I sobered. Of course it was unlocked, he'd surely left in a panic, a hurry. He wouldn't have been thinking clearly, consumed with his loss.

I stepped into the dark hallway and was immediately assaulted with her scent. I breathed deeply trying to take it in and absorb it so I would never forget it. It wasn't as tempting as it would have been had she been here standing in front of me. Alive. But as I took another deep breath, I inhaled both her and Charlie's scents, similar in some ways yet both distinctive.

I'd forgotten how long it had been since I hunted until the venom filled my mouth. Oops. That wouldn't do at all. Perhaps I should go hunt before Charlie came back. It'd be better for him too, to see me with my "natural" eyecolor.

But I couldn't bring myself to leave now that I was here. I was overcome with the memories. I closed my eyes and I saw it all.

Charlie was lying on the old sofa, a Mariners game playing but he'd been up early fishing so he was lightly snoring. Bella was in the kitchen whipping up some human food for her dad. Her calculus book was open on the kitchen table. She would glare at it, mutter and then turn to add an ingredient. Before she was done, she burned herself, brushing a hot pan.

At her gasp of pain, and the flush that flooded her cheeks, I gasped aloud and opened my eyes. It had been so real, at first I thought _it_ was the vision. That I'd been wrong about the cliff. Cautiously, I did a quick search but Bella's future was one big blank. Nope. I'd been right the first time. It'd just been wishful thinking.

I didn't know how long it'd be before Charlie came back. I hoped it would be soon. I wasn't sure how long I could be here alone with the ghosts of the past. I looked up the stairs and saw her bedroom door open just a crack. I couldn't resist and before I knew it, I stood before the wooden door.

Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to be in her room. I'd never had the chance to say goodbye and this could be my last chance. Oh, I knew it wasn't the same but I suddenly wanted to be in there, see her things, remember her.

I slowly pushed the door open. Everything looked the same, just as I remembered it--from her ancient computer to her narrow bed. I walked over and picked up the old quilt from the end of the bed and then plopped down in the old rocking chair in the corner. As my gaze swept the room, I was suddenly struck with my last memory of this room and the remembrance overwhelmed me.

_It had been the day before her disaster of a birthday party. She was sitting at the computer typing out her Romeo and Juliet essay for English class. I was lying across her bed on my stomach, flipping through the latest Vanity Fair. _

_As I flipped through the fashions, I would decide which ones would look best on Bella or me. Most of them would have been gorgeous on her. Sadly for me I was too short for haute couture but it didn't stop a girl from dreaming._

_I was also thinking about her birthday party tomorrow night, finalizing my to-do list in my mind. She'd made it abundantly clear that she didn't want any kind of a fuss made, not even presents. Really! Who wouldn't want presents? Well, I couldn't stand for that. Eighteen was a big deal. Not that I remembered my first one. But I might have thrown myself an eighteenth birthday party every once and awhile over the years. _

_I was so wrapped up in my planning and looking at the gorgeous Chanel dress on the page in front of me that I hadn't noticed that the keys had fallen silent. Until her voice called out softly. "Alice?" _

_I didn't glance up at first. "Mmm?" I casually turned down the corner of the page. Oh, one of us was _definitely_ getting that Chanel gown. When she didn't say anything in response, I looked up and took in her sloppy ponytail, t-shirt and sweats. Okay, _she_ was getting the dress. And I would tie her down and make her wear it if she resisted. _

_She'd drawn one leg up and her cheek was resting on her knee as she faced the desk. She was rubbing at an inkstain on the desk and she looked at it as if it were the most interesting Picasso painting. I sat up and crossed my legs. "Bella? Is something wrong?"_

_My brow puckered as I thought about Edward lecturing me this morning about not getting her upset with my grandiose plans for her birthday and the best thing would be for me to keep my mouth shut. Surely he hadn't told her? But then she was the one to bring it up first and I mentally stuck my tongue out at my brother. See, I could be a good friend, a good listener sometimes. Then I bit my tongue and counted to ten in Greek as the silence drew on._

_She raised her head resting her chin on her knee as she turned her deep brown eyes on me. I saw her uncertainty and her words came out barely above a whisper. "Has anything changed? I mean…um…I was wondering…do you still see me like you?" Her last question did come out as a whisper._

_Instantly, I was off the bed and had flung my arms around her shoulders as I pressed my cold cheek to her warm one flushed with embarrassment. I knew how hard it had been for her to ask me the question. It was a sore subject with my brother, but not with me. I couldn't wait for the day when she would become my true sister._

_I pulled my face away to look her in the eyes. "Oh Bella! Yes, of course I do! Nothing's changed. I still don't know when or how. But it _will_ happen." She gave me a shaky uncertain smile. "I don't suppose it will be tomorrow then?" _

_I let my face go slack and my eyes unfocused. "Nope, sorry. Not tomorrow. But you _are _going to have a spectacular day!" I gave her my brightest smile. She gave me a reproachful look with the barest hint of a smile. "Not _too _spectacular I hope." I grinned back at her and then sniffed as if offended. "Of course not. It'll simply be sufficiently spectacular."_

_Then we both burst into laughter. "Oh Alice, what would I ever do without you?" I hugged her tightly again as I replied, "I know Bella, I feel the same. Exactly the same."_

The roar of a vehicle brought me out of my reverie with those last words reverberating throughout my brain. Could it be Charlie? Oh God, now that he was here what would I say, what would I do? Surrounded by Bella everywhere I went, I couldn't think of one rational thing.

I rushed down the stairs and froze in the hallway as I heard steps on the front porch. They didn't sound like Charlie's heavy boots. Maybe just someone coming to drop off a casserole or some other condolence. I was suddenly gripped with the starkest desire that Jasper were here giving me his quiet strength, doling out calm vibes like candy. But he wasn't.

The doorknob turned as silently as when I'd done the same thing not too long before and then it slowly swung open, almost hesitantly. For the second time in a span of a matter of hours, my world was turned upside down.

Oh my God, I'd finally cracked. All the months of trying to be the strong one, and the one to hold our family together, put it back together had finally taken its toll. I was hallucinating.

It wasn't Charlie. And I was pretty sure it wasn't a well-wisher. There couldn't be two people with that scent. I saw her reaching for the light switch but not finding it.

I flicked the switch in a millisecond and the pale yellow light washed over the hallway. I couldn't move, whether from the shock or the numbness, I wasn't sure. This was the most vivid hallucination a person or vampire had ever had. And then the hallucination spoke. No, not a hallucination. It was _her_.

I heard the sweetest sound to ever fall upon my ears. "Alice, oh, Alice!"


	12. Lines

A/N: Dear Readers, I am SO sorry it has been so long since I updated. I've been so incredibly busy and then had a bit of a rough patch with writer's block. I think that I am having a hard time dealing with what's coming up even though I know it ends well . Since we never really get to hear what's going on with the others once Alice goes to Forks, I loved this idea that Jasper would not just be sitting around twiddling his thumbs. I hope you enjoy this idea as well! As always, please review and let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials. Only my own unique imaginings and original characters.

Underneath It All

Chapter 12: Lines

**Jasper's POV**

Survival was a matter of living second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour until I was back in her presence. I had carefully drawn an invisible circle around myself and vowed not to cross the line to race to her, beg her forgiveness yet again, kiss her until she had no choice but to comply.

After she left me alone in the room we'd shared, I stared unseeingly for hours into the fire. None of the others had been able to rouse me from my stupor—not Tanya's dismayed gasp at the door I'd destroyed, Rosalie's sharp comments or Emmett's not-so-gentle shaking of my shoulders. I'd merely wanted them to all go away. To leave me to waste away to the nothingness I felt inside.

Apparently Alice had told Rose where she was going as I was dimly aware of her matter-of-fact re-telling of what had happened. I was somewhat conscious of Emmett's bellow of denial—of the sympathetic murmuring of Tanya and Kate.

Irina was still not around. She'd disappeared shortly after our arrival and Tanya had explained Irina's distress over the departure of the vampire Carlisle had sent to them after our fateful encounter with them last spring—Laurent. They didn't know where he went and honestly, I didn't care.

Because she was gone. Alice. My wife. My soul. It belonged to her and wherever she went, it went with her. And I could've gone with her. It had been so close. I'd nearly given in to her pleas—to my own desire to never be apart from her again. But my stubbornness had won out as it rarely had when it came to my pixie.

And if I was honest with myself, I'd been selfish enough to have wanted her to choose to stay in Denali. To give up her obsession with Edward and Bella. It wasn't fair to her to feel that way and by punishing her, I'd condemned myself to my own personal hell.

I'd finally had to escape the bedroom, the scene of my disgrace—the scene of where my heart had shattered. I hadn't known where I was going. I'd just ran. Like the coward I was. Too cowardly to chase after my wife. Too cowardly to face my adopted family—to have to explain to them why I was still there. Why I had abandoned Alice. I didn't fully comprehend it myself.

Eventually, I found myself back at the river where only hours earlier, I had been lightheartedly cavorting with my brother and the Denali sisters. I threw myself down on the bank and stared unseeingly into the rushing waters. They did not have the soothing effect that water usually had.

It could not erase my last memory of the moment that Alice left to rush back to our last home. It was too late to stop what would be. I knew that. I knew that she knew that. But her loyalty to her beloved friend, Bella, it was one of the things I loved about her and I could not begrudge her for that.

It was too easy to slip into the wallowing. It was one of my gifts. Not one to be proud of—but one I'd perfected over the years. Even before Alice had found me in that dreary Philadelphia diner. But as I sat and those last moments played through my mind over and over, I was suddenly gripped with the need to no longer be alone. If I could not be with Alice then I needed to be with my family.

As fractured as we were at the moment, the one thing I did know is that we'd always been stronger together. Even as I often stood on the sideline, more often the observer than a participant, it had not lessened the love that I felt for each of my brothers and sisters, my adopted parents. And now was the greatest crisis we'd faced since I'd joined them all those decades together.

It was time for me to step up, to be the soldier I'd been trained to be and take charge of gluing the pieces back together. Determined on my next course of action, I roused myself from my self-pity and raced back to the house. It was time to rally the troops.

As I burst into the living room where I'd heard the murmurings of the others, all eyes swiveled on me in surprise. I skidded to a halt and felt a moment of uncertainty. Nervously, I cleared my throat. Still no one had spoken. I didn't know if from the shock of my sudden appearance or if they'd been talking of me and now had nothing to say in my presence.

I opened my mouth to speak but my nerves got the better of me. This happened a couple of times. Rose sighed in disgust, rolling her eyes, but before she could snap at me, I found my voice. "I think the time has come that we start acting like a family. This has to end. We're stronger when we stick together. Always have been. And I can't think of a time when we need to band together more than now."

I could hear the ring of authority in my own voice. I was letting the repressed soldier shine through. I had to though. I saw the shocked look on Rose and Emmett's faces. I wasn't sure if it was the tone of my voice or the fact that they'd probably never heard me string that many words together at one time in four decades.

Rose's mouth was slightly agape and then she suddenly shut it with a snap of her sharp teeth. There was a gleam in her eyes. At first, I thought they burned with the anger that always seemed to boil just beneath her ice princess looks. She reached over and clutched Emmett's hand in her own, her lips curved slightly upward.

In that instant, I realized the gleam was a begrudging admiration. And maybe a hint of triumph. As if to confirm my thoughts, Rosalie let out a sigh and muttered, "Finally! Someone in this family is making some sense." Emmett chuckled and winked slyly in my direction.

I knew he knew I would be uncomfortable by the idea of Rosalie and me being on the same side. And I was. But I was more uneasy with the absence of my wife. And with all that had transpired because of my weak moment on Bella's birthday. But no more. I had a purpose.

I couldn't undo what had happened to Bella. Nor Edward's stubborn refusal to be a part of this family. Or Alice's rash decision to take off for Forks. But I _could_ get Esme and Carlisle back here. And I knew once the heart (Esme) and soul (Carlisle) of our family was back, I'd be able to figure out how to go and fetch my pixie.

I was also hoping Carlisle would know best how to break the news to Edward about Bella. I hoped he'd be able to do it in a way to limit any further destruction in the course that had been carved out up to this point.

I felt my jaw tighten with determination. I couldn't fail in my task. Not only was Alice's and my future at stake but I knew we were at a crossroads and the future of the Cullen family was at stake as well. If we allowed Bella's death to be the final wedge in our fracture, then we'd be dishonoring her memory and what she'd meant to all of us, not just Edward.

"Okay, here's what we're doing to do." Both Rose and Emmett leaned forward slightly in anticipation I felt a sudden rush of nervousness. I never relished being the center of attention and it was not a prospect I'd ever faced on those rare occasions that I had been without Alice by my side.

I banished the pain that pierced my chest at the thought of the absence of my wife and continued. "I'm calling Carlisle and getting Esme and him to meet us here." I threw a glance at Tanya who'd been sitting still as a statue merely observing.

While she and the sisters were good friends, it still wasn't quite the same as being a Cullen. Something I hadn't fully appreciated until now. "Is that okay, Tanya?" Tanya's amber eyes narrowed slightly and I knew she was curious about my no-nonsense tone and words. If possible, my stance straightened even more.

"But of course, Jasper." Her tone was husky. "You know that your family is always welcome here." I responded with a brusque nod and turned back to my brother and sister. Rosalie half-rose from the couch and I saw the impatience in her fierce gaze.

"But what are we gong to do in the meantime?" I felt a surge of irritation at her tone. "Do?" I felt a frown furrow my brow. The last thing we needed right now was for Rose to go off half-cocked. That always led to disaster. She stood up, her posture straight with her shoulders thrown back defiantly as she scowled at me.

I was not intimidated despite her intention. "We wait. For Carlisle and Esme. And _then_ and only then, we make a plan. Together. One that we all can agree to. One that will be the best for our family." I used my best military tone that would brook no argument.

Reaching into my pocket, my eyes never left Rose's as I pulled out my cellphone. She crossed her arms defensively and continued to scowl at me while impatiently tapping one stiletto-booted foot. I ignored her as I flipped the phone open. My first impulse was to hit the speed dial that would reach my wife, but I resisted and punched in Carlisle's instead. It only took two rings before I heard my father's steady voice.

"Jasper." I could detect a hint of his English accent. I knew that it broke through when he was concerned or upset. I knew that would be the case when he saw my number. Not that I _never_ called him but it would be unusual enough to cause him concern.

"Carlisle. I'm sorry to interrupt your visit but do you think you and Esme could come to Denali? Something's happened and we need you. I can't really go into it on the phone. I'll explain when you get here." I kept my voice calm and tried to keep my tone flat so as to not rouse too much suspicion. I knew I would not be able to keep him from being worried.

"We're on our way." I heard rustling in the background and heard Esme's gasp. I hated putting my parents through this but I could see no other way. "Thanks Dad. We'll see you soon." I gave a curt nod despite his inability to see it.

Rosalie snorted as I snapped the phone shut. "You're an idiot, Jasper Hale." I felt myself bristle at her words but I refused to be baited by her. She didn't have to like it but I was doing what was best for our family. But still, I couldn't help but feel that lines were being drawn and each of us were choosing sides.

Edward had drawn a line when he'd decided to go on his own, Alice had drawn a line when she'd left for Forks. And now I had drawn a line to put our family back together. Rose could decide to join me or go on her own. I knew if she went on her own Emmett would follow her. And Carlisle and Esme would be torn apart by all of the lines their children had drawn and crossed.

But still I hoped that Rosalie would calm down and decide to join me and whatever Carlisle decided was best. It would be the best thing for all of us. I was certain of my decision and it gave me a purpose. I needed this to work because I needed Alice back with me—safe and happy. And the only way for that to happen would be for our family to be reunited. All of us, Edward too.

At that thought, I felt the heaviness weigh on my chest. It was a slim chance with Bella gone. But I let the image of my wife wash over me and fill me with hope. It was still a chance and I refused to consider what would happen if it didn't work. And that was one line I refused to cross.


	13. The Call

A/N: So Dear Readers, here's another snippet that we don't really get fully in the book. I'm sure everyone has imagined this in their own way a million times. So here's my version of a very pivotal moment (in my mind). Please review and let me know what you think or even share how you've imagined it! And as you may know, the next chapter picks back up in New Moon and what's going on with Alice while all this other hullabaloo is going on. Until then…

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials. Only my own unique imaginings and original characters.

Underneath It All

Chapter 13: The Call

**Rosalie's POV**

This was all one _huge_ colossal waste of time! In disgust, I threw the screwdriver I was holding down on the garage floor. Tanya and the sisters didn't have one decent car to work on and I seriously needed something to distract me from my every instinct to interfere where Carlisle and Jasper kept telling me not to.

I plopped myself down on the leather seat of the snowmobile I'd been tinkering with and felt another surge of anger as I recalled their holier-than-thou speeches shortly after Carlisle and Esme arrived and Jasper had brought them up to speed. I'd insisted to Carlisle that we should tell Edward and head back to Forks. There was no reason he couldn't come home now.

But Carlisle had been stoic. As always, he favored patience over action and had declined to call Edward right away. Or even to say we could go back. And I could tell he was leaning toward Jasper's side. It didn't surprise me. Besides Emmett, who bless him, would follow me into the fires of hell if I told him it'd be fun, the rest of my family always seemed to discount me and my wishes.

With a final sigh, I pushed myself up and headed back to the house. Nothing was helping. Possibly I could find Emmett and work out some of my aggression on a more physical pursuit. As I entered the house and passed the living room, I noticed Esme sitting in the living room engrossed in an _Architectural Digest_. I hoped to sneak by. I wasn't in the mood for talking and there was nothing Esme loved better than a heart-to-heart in times of crisis.

But just as I passed the open door, I heard her husky voice call out. "Rose? Is that you? Come in here, won't you?" The only true escape would be to be infinitely rude and act as if I hadn't heard her. And if it was anyone else I might have. But even though everyone believed me to be the biggest bitch in the world, I would never intentionally hurt any of my family. And definitely not Esme.

Inwardly, I sighed as I turned on my heel and stuck my head in the door. "Yes? I was just going to…" My voice trailed off as I realized I really didn't have anything good to say. I could see the pain and sadness in Esme's eyes. She'd had the same look for months but it was even more pronounced now. I felt a stab in my gut. If we could all just go back to Forks then this pain would just go away. I just knew it.

Esme looked so forlorn sitting on the couch with her legs tucked under her and her shoulders slightly slumped. I found myself unable to completely abandon her yet. I walked in and stood behind an armchair across from the sofa.

I gave a small smile and tried to sound nonchalant. "So where are the guys?" I wasn't unaware that the house was empty besides us. Esme smiled back tentatively but it didn't reach her eyes just as I was sure mine had not reached my eyes either.

"Out. Plotting. Discussing. Hunting. Oh who knows what!" I was a little surprised by the annoyance in her tone. It matched how I felt at her words. I knew that Jasper was deliberately shutting me out. Fine. If that was how he wanted to play, then I was game. And he should know better than to cross me. If they would have only included me, then I wouldn't be forced to go out and make my own plan. But that was exactly what I was going to do.

"Listen, Esme. I'm sorry, I have something that I…need to do." I wasn't sure if my plan would work but I was ready to find out. Esme looked a little confused at my abrupt about-face but she simply nodded her head. Sweet Esme would never impose her wishes on another. Luckily I didn't have the same compunction.

I planned to head to Emmett's and my bedroom to retrieve my cell phone but a glint of silver caught my eye from the hallway table in the foyer. Carlisle's cell phone. A seed took root and suddenly my plan grew in a different direction. I was only going to borrow it. He'd never even know.

Without a second thought, I snatched the phone and dashed out the front door and didn't stop until I was a couple of miles away from the house. I didn't want anyone to overhear what I was about to do.

I wasn't sure he would pick up. But using Carlisle's phone would give me the best chance. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to talk to him. But I was sure of what I would say. And it _had_ to work. For just once, I needed him to listen to me and do what I wanted. Especially before Jasper or Carlisle implemented whatever they were planning. This was my last best shot at getting what I wanted.

As the sound of rings came through I knew that it was too late to back out now although I did feel a slight twinge at being the one to tell Edward this news. But he _did_ deserve to hear about Bella. And although she hadn't been my favorite person in the world, I dreaded that I would have to hurt my brother.

He loved her and this would be hard for him. But then he could come home and I knew Carlisle would help him get past the pain. That was one thing about being immortal, you had nothing but time. And he would heal in time.

"Carlisle." I was a little stunned at first at the sound of his raspy voice. He didn't sound good. Well, I mean he was a vampire so he still sounded better than most humans. But he definitely didn't sound like himself. I felt another twinge.

"No, Edward. It's Rose. Please don't hang up." I added a sense of urgency to my tone that was not altogether untrue. I was terrified he would hang up before hearing what I had to say. I knew I was the last person on the planet he would want to talk to. But I just had to make this work.

Now his voice had a sense of urgency to it and I suddenly realized I should have thought that he might have that kind of reaction. "Rose? What is it? Has something happened to Carlisle? Or Esme?" I felt a lump in my throat. This was going to be harder than I'd thought.

"No, not Carlisle or Esme. But Edward, something has happened and you need to come home." I heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the phone and I could see in my mind his brow furrowed in annoyance with me and could almost hear his unspoken words "Get on with it already!" But I didn't relish what would come next.

I heard his exasperated sigh and then, "Rose, I'm not coming back and you can tell Alice that whatever scrape she's gotten herself into isn't going to work in making me come back. And it _better_ not involve visions or her going back to For—." I couldn't listen to another word. I knew he was getting himself worked up into what he did best, a self-righteous lather.

"Edward, it's not like that. I wish there was another way to say this but…well…Edward, Bella's dead." The silence was so deafening I thought he might have hung up. And then I heard a ragged sound and I realized it was something like a sob from his end. Oh dear. I knew this would be hard but it was nearly impossible. I had no choice but to finish.

"I-I guess it was too much and she jumped off a cliff. So you can come home now. Meet us in Forks. You need to be with the family. We'll help you." I kept my voice soft. Despite our difficult relationship, I would do anything to spare him this pain.

It was incredibly silent again, and I had to know he was still there. "Edward?" No response. Not even those half-sobs I thought I'd heard. "Edward!" Still no response. Dammit, he'd hung up! I hit redial but it rang before going to voice mail. Not good. Indeed, very very bad. That didn't go at all as I'd planned.

Oh God, Carlisle was going to kill me. I felt panic rise up in me. I hit redial one more time but it was no use. I left a voicemail this time but I had no hope he would call me back. I then had a glimmer of a thought, an outside chance. Perhaps he was so overcome he couldn't speak but had perhaps taken off to come straight back.

I started back to the house trying to gather my wits. I had to figure out what I was going to tell everybody. Oh damn Edward and his stubbornness! I only wish I knew what he was doing!

A shrill ring stopped my thoughts and my running. I looked at the display anxiously wishing that I would see Edward's name on the display. Not Edward. Alice. The next best thing. She'd be able to tell me what Edward was doing. I flipped the phone open almost desperately. "Alice." I knew there was trouble at her words. "Rose, I need to talk to Carlisle _now_." Damn.

**Edward's POV**

Brazil was a disaster. Like what was left of my existence. I wasn't sure how much longer I would make it. My visions of Bella had become even more vivid as the weeks passed since I saw Alice and Jasper in Texas. And each one moved me closer and closer to giving up on this stupid plan I'd embarked on and go back to her.

I didn't even pretend to dream that she would forgive me and take me back but if I could just be near her, know that she was alright, watch over her and keep her safe…maybe I could crawl out of the black hole I'd been living in.

I was obsessed with thinking about her every minute of every day of every week of every month. It was really getting quite stalkerish I knew but I couldn't stop myself. I wondered constantly what she was doing, how she was doing. Had she forgotten me?

I knew that human memories were not like ours. Had she moved on, found someone to heal her heart? My gut tightened painfully merely at the thought even if my intention had been for her to go on and live her life as If I'd never even existed.

I'd nearly decided to jump from the dirty mattress I was lying on and run all the way back to Forks. I could be there in three days. Maybe steal a car. I couldn't take the time to clean up for a plane ride. And then she was there. Amazingly I saw her perfectly in the pitch blackness of my hovel. I breathed her name like a prayer.

"Bella."

_Don't do it._

What was she talking about? "Don't do what?"

_Don't come back._

"How did you know I was…"

_It doesn't matter. I don't want you to come back._

"Why?" I couldn't believe the stab of pain that lanced through me at her words although they were the vocalization of every fear I had.

_It's been months. I've finally done what you asked me to do. You no longer exist for me. I've moved on. And you should too. Without me. _

This hallucination was not near as pleasant as they usually were. For the first time, I wanted it to go away. It was one thing to think the things she was saying, it was another to actually hear her saying them. Not that I blamed her. And in the next instant, she disappeared.

Good. Just as I wanted. Suddenly my misery was interrupted by the sound of my cell phone ringing. Probably Alice. I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at the display out of habit. Carlisle. He wouldn't call unless something was wrong. I shot up as I flipped my phone open.

"Carlisle." My unused voice sounded rusty to my own ears. I waited anxiously to hear my father's smooth voice.

"No, Edward. It's Rose. Please don't hang up." Rosalie? What the hell was going on? Oh God, had something happened to Carlisle? I could think of no reason that Rose would be calling from Carlisle's phone. "Rose? What is it? Has something happened to Carlisle? Or Esme?" I sounded anxious. And I was.

"No, not Carlisle or Esme. But Edward, something has happened and you need to come home." I involuntarily took in a breath. Dear God, what could have happened? Not Alice surely! Jasper wouldn't let anything happen to his wife if it was the last thing he did.

Damn Rosalie! She always had to be dramatic. Why was she dragging this out for Christ's sake? Because it was probably a ploy that Alice had cooked up and somehow played on Rose's desire to needle me at all turns. Damn her!

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Rose, I'm not coming back and you can tell Alice that whatever scrape she's gotten herself into isn't going to work in making me come back. And it _better_ not involve visions or her going back to For—." She didn't let me finish.

And then she proceeded to shatter the rest of my world, dark as it had been for these many months.

"Edward, it's not like that. I wish there was another way to say this but…well…Edward, Bella's dead."

I couldn't breathe. Not that I physically needed it but I needed to do something. Finally I pulled in a ragged breath. I realized why at that point. I was splintering from the inside out. My greatest fear had been realized. I didn't want to hear anymore. It was pointless. I would be joining her as soon as possible.

But that didn't stop Rosalie as she continued. "I-I guess it was too much and she jumped off a cliff. So you can come home now. Meet us in Forks. You need to be with the family. We'll help you." Her voice was quiet as if she was afraid of my reaction. I needed no more from her and snapped the phone shut.

I had to act fast. Before Alice knew my intentions. I couldn't let my family follow me to their own deaths and then I was back on the phone speaking rapid Portuguese in my quest for a plane ticket. And then I was on the street and as my phone began to ring and I saw Carlisle's number, I dropped it in the nearest trash can.

I loved my family and I knew they loved me but I couldn't put them in danger. I knew of only one way to end this endless plunging of the knife in my gut at the thought of Bella not existing in this world.

I had to get to Volterra. Before Alice knew what hit me.


	14. Bella

A/N: Well, Dear Readers, so it's back to Alice. If you'll remember, we last left off with her being surprised by the sudden appearance of the allegedly dead Bella. This picks up from that moment and follows along with Chapter 17 in New Moon only from Alice's POV. Please, please read and review? Pretty please? I promise to post another chapter soon if you do! I hope you enjoy…

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials. Only my own unique imaginings and original characters.

Underneath It All

Chapter 14: Bella

**Alice's POV**

I couldn't believe what I'd seen before I felt the smack of her into my body and the sound of her voice. She seemed as in shock as I was. Surely hallucinations were not this real. And she'd slammed into me so hard that is she was real, I'm sure she'd have bruises. Oops.

"Bella?" I'd never been so relieved in my life yet I still couldn't wrap my mind around how this fragile human girl was here in this dim hallway in my arms. My best friend. My supposedly _dead_ best friend. But then I felt my muscles lock as her scent invaded my senses—her arms wrapped tightly around my waist. Her nose was buried in my neck and she was—well—for lack of a better word, sniffing me.

But then I noticed the sniffs had turned into great wracking sobs. She wouldn't be able to stand much longer and frankly, I wasn't sure if I would either. The shock was too great. I dragged her to the sofa and then plopped down before my own knees gave out, pulling her into my lap and cradling her while she wept.

For once in my life I was stunned into silence and could do nothing but rub her back as she sobbed. I couldn't figure out how I had gotten everything so very very wrong. Of course, I was more ecstatic than I'd ever been to be wrong. Thank God, I hadn't said anything to Edward. That could have been a real disaster.

Finally her sobs subsided enough for her to speak. "I'm…sorry. I'm just…so happy…to see you!" Ah, so these were tears of joy. I couldn't be sure after the shabby way we…I had treated her. Words seemed so inadequate and all I could manage was "It's okay Bella. Everything's okay." I crooned it as if she were a small child.

She clutched me tighter to her and buried her face in my neck again. It was then that my shock waned enough that a competing need took over. I stiffened as I remembered just how very long it had been since I'd hunted, how very hungry I was, and how very _very_ good Bella had always smelled. I sighed in consternation.

I tried to pull away as much as I could. "I'd forgotten how exuberant you are." I didn't mean to sound as cold as it came out but I was fighting the gnawing hunger that had set my throat aflame. She looked up at me through tear-filled eyes and then I saw the realization dawn on her as to my stand-offishness. "Oh." Her breath came out in a little puff. "Sorry."

What a silly thing for her to be sorry about! Besides, what I owed her for my mistreatment…there was no sorry necessary. "It's my own fault. It's been too long since I hunted. I shouldn't let myself get so thirsty. But I was in a hurry today." As my words penetrated the fogginess of my brain, I suddenly felt anger well up in me. Glaring at her I demanded, "Speaking of which, would you like to explain to me how you're alive?"

I knew I didn't really have the right to be angry but I knew my vision couldn't be completely wrong. Just the dead part. Which meant that she'd still flung herself off a cliff. What the hell was she thinking? Didn't she realize what it would do to my brother if he knew she'd deliberately put herself in harm's way?

She'd stopped sobbing and I could tell by the guilty look in her eyes. I actually heard her swallow. "You saw me fall." Inwardly, I snorted at her words. Really, did she think this was my first rodeo? I may have been wrong about the dying part but I knew what I saw.

"No." I narrowed my eyes on her so she'd know I wasn't letting her get away with anything no matter how much I loved her or was glad to be wrong. "I saw you _jump_." Her lips pursed and a faint crease appeared between her brows.

I knew she was trying to decide what to say. Not because she was thinking of a lie but I could see it in the pain in her eyes—how to explain reckless behavior in defiance of what she'd promised my brother. Really what was to explain? The fool had driven her to it. Driven her to want to die without him.

I shook my head in disdain and almost without realizing it began imitating my brother. "I told him this would happen but he didn't believe me. 'Bella promised. Don't be looking for her future, either. We've done enough damage.'" I'd tried to warn him so many times this could happen…that I couldn't always control my visions!

I continued my tirade. My brother wasn't here for me to berate but Bella _was_. "But just because I'm not looking, doesn't mean I don't _see._ I wasn't keeping tabs on you, I swear, Bella. It's just that I'm already attuned to you…when I saw you jumping, I didn't think, I just got on a plane. I knew it would be too late, but I couldn't do _nothing._ And then I get here, thinking maybe I could help Charlie somehow, and you drive up." I shook my head as I paused for a breath.

I still didn't understand what had happened. What _was_ happening. And as I spoke, I saw it happen over and over again as she went over the cliffside. "I saw you go into the water and I waited and waited for you to come up, but you didn't." I looked at her then and my voice felt hoarse as if I was about to cry.

"What happened? And how could you do that to Charlie? Did you stop to think what this would do to him? And my brother? Do you have _any_ idea what Edward—" She held up a hand as if in surrender and then interrupted me. "Alice, I wasn't committing suicide."

Yeah, right. She was ashamed of what she'd done. I looked at her skeptically. "Are you saying you didn't jump off a cliff?" She grimaced at my words. "No, but…" I could hear her reluctance. "It was for recreational purposes only." I felt my anger return. I wasn't sure why she wouldn't just admit what she'd tried to do.

"I'd seen some of Jacob's friends cliff diving." She sounded as if she were trying to convince not only me, but herself too. "It looked like…fun, and I was bored…" I didn't say a word in response, just kept letting her dig a deeper and deeper hole.

"I didn't think about how the storm would affect the currents. Actually, I didn't think about the water much at all." I could see by the dubious look on her face that she wasn't sure if I believed her or not. Then abruptly she changed tactics. "So if you saw me go in, why didn't you see Jacob?"

I cocked my head to the side as I contemplated her words. Confusion washed over me again. Who was Jacob? And she was right, why hadn't I seen him in my vision if she was with him?

"It's true that I probably would have drowned if Jacob hadn't jumped in after me. Well, okay, there's no probably about it. But he did, and he pulled me out, and I guess he towed me back to shore, though I was kind of out for that part. It couldn't have been more than a minute that I was under before he grabbed me. How come you didn't see that?" Her words came out as if she was trying to work out the same problem aloud that I was trying to work out in my mind.

None of this was making sense. I felt my brow crease in a frown. "Someone pulled you out?"

"Yes, Jacob saved me." Her quiet words finally unraveled a bit of the mystery. Jacob. Jacob Black. The Quileute son of Billy Black. And then all of Carlisle's stories of the Quileutes and the treaty he'd made with them rushed through my brain. No, Jacob couldn't be…

I leaned in and sniffed her shoulder. She froze as my nostrils caught fire. I'd never been more in control of my hunger as I was at that moment that the iciness of the dog smell invaded my nose. "Don't be ridiculous." I muttered as I continued sniffing. "What are you doing?" I ignored her.

"Who was with you out there just now?" Now that the shock had worn off, I realized I'd heard two voices right before she came in. Angry voices. "It sounded like you were arguing."

She hesitated slightly. "Jacob Black. He's…sort of my best friend, I guess. At least, he was…" I was absorbing her words as she spoke, trying to put together what Jacob Black had to do with the big blank spot that had been my vision of Bella's cliff jump. "What?" she asked.

"I don't know. I'm not sure what it means." I was even more confused now. "Well, I'm not dead, at least." I rolled my eyes at her dry tone and then shook my head. "He was a fool to think you could survive alone. I've never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy."

"I survived," she pouted. I decided to change the subject. "So, if the currents were too much for you, how did this Jacob manage?"

"Jacob is…strong." Her tone was reluctant, almost as if she were keeping something from me. Well, this would never do if she expected me to figure out what was going on. I shot my brow up as I kept my gaze steady on her. I knew Bella. She would crack under my pressure. She nervously began to gnaw on her lower lip and I tried to ignore the flames that shot through my throat at the sight.

"See, well, he's…sort of a werewolf. The Quileutes turn into wolves when there are vampires around. They know Carlisle from a long time ago. Were you with Carlisle back then?" her words came out in one big rush and I knew she was nervous to tell me her friend's secret. But at least she still trusted me with it. Holy smokes, though, what a secret! Werewolves? Well, that explained the icy burn in my nostrils!

"Well," I repeated aloud for her benefit, "I guess that explains the smell." But something still didn't make sense, something that had never mattered since I'd never been around werewolves before. "But does it explain what I didn't see?" I could feel my brow pucker in consternation.

"The smell?" I could tell she was confused now but I was still considering all she'd told me about the Quileutes. Almost without thought I said, "You smell awful. A werewolf? Are you sure about that?" Perhaps she just _thought_ he was a werewolf, maybe he was playing a joke on her or something. Because the alternative…I shuddered at the thought of Bella at the mercy of volatile unpredictable werewolves.

"Very sure." She said matter of fact. "I guess you weren't with Carlisle the last time there were werewolves here in Forks?"

"No. I hadn't found him yet." Suddenly, Jasper flashed through my mind and our honeymoon in Forks. I was vaguely recalling Carlisle's warning to us about staying off Quileute land but I didn't remember anything about wolves. Oh Jasper! I wish he was with me now to help me make sense of all of this. Especially Bella's calm reciting of how Jacob Black was her best friend! It hit me in a flash how very wrong that was and how very dangerous! Honestly, the girl could find trouble in a paper bag.

"Your best friend is a werewolf?" I sounded shocked. I knew I shouldn't be since I was her best friend too and I was a vampire. But she had no idea the danger she was in. She simply nodded as if embarrassed to admit it. "How long has this been going on?" I demanded.

"Not long." She retorted defensively. "He's only been a werewolf for just a few weeks." A frisson of fear and anger ran up my spine at her words. Oh, this was just getting better and better. I shot her a dark look.

"A _young_ werewolf? Even worse! Edward was right—you're a magnet for danger. Weren't you supposed to be staying out of trouble?" Sheesh, she'd promised him but it almost seemed as if she'd done everything _but_ stay out of trouble. Edward would not be happy about this at all.

"There's nothing wrong with werewolves." I could tell that I'd hurt her with my words. I felt a twinge of guilt but I had to make her realize just how much danger she was in hanging around a werewolf. "Until they lose their tempers." I shook my head at her in dismay.

"Leave it to you, Bella. Anyone else would be better off when the vampires left town. But you have to start hanging out with the first monsters you can find." I felt her tremble in my arms and I felt bad that I'd hurt her but I had to make her see how important it was for her to stay in one piece until my idiot brother came to his senses and finally made her one of our family.

"No, Alice, the vampires didn't really leave—not all of them anyway. That's the whole trouble. If it weren't for the werewolves, Victoria would have gotten me by now. Well, if it weren't for Jake and his friends, Laurent would have gotten me before she could, I guess, so—" I felt my muscles lock at the names of the vampires we'd run into the year before.

Involuntarily, I hissed, "Victora? Laurent?" I was in complete defensive mode now. I wanted to rip them apart limb from limb. Threatening Bella? Driving her into the bosom of werewolves? Oh, this was just getting better by the minute!

She nodded and then pointed at herself. "Danger magnet, remember?" I wanted to smile but couldn't so instead I simply shook my head at her and said, "Tell me everything—start at the beginning." And then she did, breaking my heart and scaring the bejesus out of me with every passing word.

I didn't interrupt her. I knew this was as hard for her to say as it was for me to hear. I just nodded encouragement every now and again. Although I felt some anger at what she'd gone through, I was suddenly overwhelmed with such a sense of disappointment and regret when she finished. Even though I'd known Edward had made the wrong choice, being right didn't taste good. In fact, it was downright bitter. My poor friend! All this suffering for nothing!

"Our leaving didn't do you any good at all, did it?" I said the words softly hoping she would contradict me, tell me that _something _good had come of all this. But she didn't. Instead, she gave a short bark of hysterical laughter. She sounded almost bitter. "That was never the point, though, was it? It's not like you left for my benefit."

She was right. I shouldn't be here. And now I'd broken promises to my brother and my husband and had interfered where I obviously no longer belonged. So much had happened and I was sure my sudden appearance would only reinforce all the hurt Bella had been through over the months since we'd left.

The image of Jasper's last bleak look in Alaska squeezed my unbeating heart and wouldn't let go. I should never have left him. I always leaped before I looked. I wished I could be more thoughtful like my husband and then maybe I wouldn't put myself in such painful circumstances.

"Well…I guess I acted impulsively today. I probably shouldn't have intruded." But then she went as pale as a vampire and a wild look came into her eyes. She clutched the collar of my shirt so tightly that it would have cut off my breathing if I'd needed it. Her breaths were coming in quick gasps as if she were hyperventilating.

"Don't go, Alice. Please don't leave me." Her whispered tone was desperate. Okay, this was not normal. Her reaction scared me. I'd never seen Bella in such a state before. A burst of anger rose up in me that Edward had done this but at the memory of my last encounter with him, I realized I couldn't stay mad at him even if he'd done this foolish thing. He was hurting too. And oh my goodness, was Bella hurting!

"All right." I spoke slowly, soothingly trying to calm her. "I'm not going anywhere tonight. Take a deep breath." I waited a few moments and kept a steady gaze on her face until I knew she was calmer. I realized that I was just now _really _looking at her since the shock of her arrival.

Her pale skin was wan and there were dark circles under her haunted chocolate brown eyes. My grip tightened slightly on her back and I realized she was thinner too. She must have been to hell and back since we'd left. And I told her so before I could stop myself.

"You look like hell, Bella." She sniffed and then said, "I drowned today." I knew she was deflecting but I wasn't going to let her get away with that. "It goes deeper than that. You're a mess." She flinched at my harsh words. "Look, I'm doing my best." Her voice was raspy and I wasn't sure if it was from her near-drowning or emotions that threatened to overtake her.

"What do you mean?" I continued, probing. I needed to understand exactly what she was feeling, what she'd been through if I was going to help her. "It hasn't been easy. I'm working on it." She sounded a little defensive but also a little lost. I silently cursed, knowing that I'd seen this coming. I felt the corners of my mouth pull down and unconsciously muttered aloud, "I told him."

Bella sighed in response. "Alice. What did you think you were going to find? I mean, besides me dead?" Now I flinched at her words. "Did you expect to find me skipping around and whistling show tunes? You know me better than that." She was right of course. I did know her better than that, but still there was a part of me that had hoped Edward had been right, that she'd be better off without us. "I do. But I hoped."

She scoffed. "Then I guess I don't have the corner on the idiocy market." Before I could respond, the shrill ring of their phone spilled out from the kitchen. "That has to be Charlie." And despite her last remark, she clutched my hand and drug me with her to the kitchen—almost as if she was afraid I would disappear if I left her sight.

"Charlie?" she asked as she picked up the headset. I didn't want to eavesdrop but I had no choice with my vampire hearing. A low husky voice responded to her. "No, it's me." I didn't have to wonder who "me" was for long. Bella cried out, "Jake!"

I narrowed my gaze as I gauged her reaction which seemed a little too exuberant for my liking. "Just making sure you were still alive." The werewolf boy sounded petulant. Well, honestly, he couldn't think _I_ would hurt her! Could he?

"I'm fine. I told you that it wasn't—" Jacob Black interrupted her before she could finish. "Yeah. I got. 'Bye." I heard the click as he hung up. Well, if he was her best friend, then he had just treated her pretty shabbily. And I knew it had more to do with my appearance than anything she had done. Bella just sighed and her head fell back as she looked at the ceiling. "That's going to be a problem." Her voice was a monotone.

I squeezed her hand reassuringly. "They aren't excited I'm here." She rolled her head to look at me and shrugged. "Not especially. But it's none of their business anyway." I put my arm around her and spoke aloud mostly to myself. "So what do we do now? Things to do. Loose ends to tie." I was thinking of Jasper and the apology I owed him. And Edward and his reaction if he ever found out I was here. And then mostly I needed to talk to Carlisle and get his take on the werewolf and Victoria and Laurent situation. Now. Before the danger grew any greater.

"What things to do?" I could hear a slight panic creep into her voice. I knew I'd promised her I'd stay but it was imperative to see Carlisle. I guarded what I was thinking. "I don't know for sure…I need to see Carlisle."

I saw the panic reach her eyes. "Could you stay? Please? For just a while. I've missed you so much." Her careful control slipped then and her voice broke. There was no way I could leave her in such a condition. She'd already been through too much. But I wasn't happy about it. I really needed Carlisle's advice. And I really needed Jasper. I needed his reassurance, his support, his insights.

"If you think that's a good idea." I finally conceded. "I do. You can stay here—Charlie would love that." She clutched my hand tighter. "I have a house, Bella." It wouldn't be a good idea to spend too much time with Charlie in the house. Not in my state of mind. It'd be too easy to let the façade slip. But the devastated look on her face swayed me as she nodded in resignation.

I felt myself hesitate as I studied her disappointed features. Well, maybe one night wouldn't hurt. And she _had _ nearly drowned. And I would feel better having her in my sight what with werewolves and angry vampires running around. And most of all, I _had _missed her. Desperately.

"Well, I need to go get a suitcase of clothes, at the very least." I finally gave in. Ecstatically, she threw her arms around me and pressed her nose to my neck. "Alice, you're the best!" Again, despite the wet dog smell, I was reminded of just how hungry I really was.

My voice sounded strained even to my ears as I told her, "And I think I'll need to hunt. Immediately." My throat was truly on fire now and the venom started flowing. "Oops." She said sheepishly and let go of me as she took a step back.

I cocked my head to the side and studied her skeptically. "Can you stay out of trouble for one hour?" Why was I even bothering to ask? I held up a finger and closed my eyes as I searched out her immediate future. She was going to be okay. At least for a little while.

I opened my eyes and let her know. "Yes, you'll be fine. For tonight, anyway." I grimaced at that thought that as long as Jacob Black stayed in her life, I couldn't be sure of how much of her future I'd be able to see. And that worried me about her safety.

"You'll come back?" Her voice was so small and quiet that it was a good thing I had great hearing. I knew she was terrified I'd abandon her. Like before. But not this time. "I promise—one hour," I said firmly but gently. I saw her glance at the clock above my head. I felt laughter bubble up out of me as I knew she would time me every second until I came back. I couldn't help myself even though my throat was as dry as a desert, I leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

And then I left her there because I knew the sooner I was gone, the sooner I could be back to start putting the pieces back together that my brother had so unknowingly smashed months ago. Besides, it was time for me to call my soldier and as much as I loved Bella and wanted to help her, I didn't want her to hear the very private words I needed to have with my love.

But first things first, time to re-acquaint myself with the Forks wildlife. Then I could get back to re-building my family, my best friend, and my marriage. Not necessarily in that order.


	15. News

A/N: So as we continue through Chapter 17, this is just a little taste of what I imagined to have happened while Alice was gone for that less than an hour from Bella. I hope you enjoy! Big shout-out to Faerie0975 who gave me another awesome review! I didn't get too many these last few times. Hope you're still enjoying the story. Please read and review! It means so much to hear what you think!

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials. Only my own unique imaginings and original characters.

Underneath It All

Chapter 15: News

**Jasper's POV**

Waiting.

Sometimes it seemed I'd spent half of my eternal existence waiting.

Waiting for a battle to begin.

Waiting to kill newborns.

Waiting for the love with my pixie that I'd never expected.

Waiting for my next slip-up.

Waiting to become more like the Cullens.

Now waiting for Carlisle to get back to Denali. Waiting for his advice on where to go from here.

I was a few miles away from the Denali house. I needed to do my waiting with some peace and quiet. Rosalie had been driving me crazy with her nonstop pestering about why we were waiting for Carlisle and Esme. Why we weren't acting already.

Honestly, there was a part of me that agreed with her—that wanted to run as fast as I could south, in the direction of Forks. And my pixie. And as much as my heart tugged me to do just that, my head told me that the smart thing to do was to wait for Carlisle.

So that's what I was doing while every moment was consumed with thoughts of Alice. My guilt for abandoning her yet again when she'd needed me the most—to support her and comfort her through the death of her best friend. I couldn't help but be consumed with thoughts of how she was doing, where she was.

Why she hadn't called.

That last one wasn't fair I knew. Because I hadn't called her either.

I wasn't sure what to say. Nothing that I'd come up with in my mind seemed adequate. Especially over a phone line. But that didn't stop me from flipping my phone open incessantly—looking for missed calls or texts or even nearly punching her number in before stopping myself at the last millisecond.

She probably didn't even _want_ to talk to me. Hell's bells. What a mess I'd gotten us into.

I sighed and turned to head back to the house. Perhaps Carlisle and Esme were nearly here by now. Before I'd made it too far, a loud ring pierced the air. My stomach clenched as I pulled out my phone and saw the caller ID.

Alice.

Well, it seemed the wait was over. I flipped open the phone, my words already formed on my lips.

"Pixie, I'm so sor-"  
"I'm sorry, Jas-"

We were both speaking simultaneously and fell silent at the same time. I chuckled nervously and heard her answering titter.

Never one much for words, I waited for her to speak. The silence seemed to last forever. I imagined her brow puckered as it always did when she counted to ten trying to rein in her thoughts. It was just one of her many adorable charms that I loved. Yet again, I wished I was with her so I could see it in person.

Then her sing-song voice cut across the miles between us and I could almost feel her beside me.

"Jasper?" It came out breathy as if she'd been running. "I'm sorry, I wish I had more time to talk, to explain." I inhaled sharply. It just felt so good to hear her voice—to know that she wasn't upset with me.

"Pixie, I'm just so…so damn happy to hear your voice. You don't need to explain any-" Her short bark of nearly hysterical laughter stopped me from continuing.

"Oh Jazz, no really, I have to tell you something. This is so crazy. I wish you were here."

"Me too." I said softly. This time I heard _her_ sharp intake of breath. I felt a small thrill that I could still affect her as much as she affected me. Even when we were hundreds of miles apart. Our connection had not broken. Maybe bent a little—but didn't break.

"Pixie, I need to tell you something too. I called Carlisle and asked him and Esme to come back to Denali. They should actually get here any minute. And then we're going to figure this whole thing out." I let my words come out in a rush—my emotions running high.

I needed to her to know that I was doing something about our future, securing our family. And if I didn't get it out now, I knew I'd be captivated by her voice and then could very well lose my head and take off to be back with her.

"Carlisle's coming?" Her voice sounded surprised. "This is perfect. I _need_ to talk to him." And it did sound like that. There was a kind of desperation to her tone. My curiosity spiked. "What's wrong, Alice?" I was suddenly serious.

"No. Nothing is wrong, per se. And oh, Jazz! I haven't told you the best…" Without warning, her voice disappeared.

I looked at my phone in disbelief, then cursed. Dead. I'd obviously spent more time away from the house than I'd realized. I'd been so preoccupied that I hadn't charged my phone.

Ridiculous! It almost would be comical at how it seemed the stars always seemed to be aligned against us. But it wasn't funny.

I knew Alice was trying to tell me something important. Plus, I'd just enjoyed hearing her voice. God, how I missed her!

But why did she need to talk to Carlisle so badly? Did it have something to do with her news? Well, there was nothing for it now but to go back to the house and wait for Carlisle. And charge my blasted phone.

I hoped that by the time I talked to Alice again, I had a plan to share with her. And that she'd not plunged headlong into her next crazy stunt.—was hopefully waiting for me to call her back so she could tell me her news. I sighed and shook my head as I smiled.

Then again, this _was_ my pixie we were talking about. No matter what she did, it was _always_ an adventure.

And I never wanted it any other way.

**Alice's POV**

I left Bella with not more than a little trepidation. There had been an almost wild glint to her eyes when she'd begged me to stay with her. It made my throat tighten with dread at what had driven her to feel that way. And caused me more guilt than I thought possible.

It had been true that I desperately needed to hunt and I made it to the nearest isolated forest to avoid detection in record time. But I had an ulterior motive. It didn't take long to take the edge off the hunger, just a couple of deer did the trick.

I finished as quickly as possible before pulling out my cell phone. I couldn't wait any longer. I had to talk to Jazz. I had to tell him the good news. But I couldn't say that I wasn't apprehensive. I'd left him in such a hurry and had been so hurt by his refusal to go with me. I'd wanted to call him a million times but had somehow resisted to this point.

I couldn't wait any longer though. The time had come and he just _had_ to listen to me—had to forgive me. Maybe I could talk him into coming down and staying with me for a few days until I felt okay about leaving Bella again.

_Bella was alive!_

It was almost too much to comprehend. I immediately punched in Jasper's number ready to share my joy. The phone rang twice and I heard the click as he picked up. Not wanting to waste a moment, I instantly started talking.

"I'm sorry, Jas-"  
"Pixie, I'm so sor-"

I giggled at the instant stop and start of our words. At least he wasn't mad at me. I waited to see if he said anything but also to gather my own thoughts. You'd think by now I wouldn't be scared of spooking him. But I was.

Finally, I caught my breath and spoke. "Jasper?" I didn't wait for a response. I knew that I didn't have a lot of time. I still had to get to the house and get a suitcase of clothes and I didn't actually want to be gone the entire hour. I still wasn't sure Bella would last that long.

"I'm sorry, I wish I had more time to talk, to explain." I heard his intake of breath on the other end. And then I heard his low baritone.

"Pixie, I'm just so…so damn happy to hear your voice. You don't need to explain any-" His words caused an involuntary shout of laughter. I was nearly delirious with happiness that he still wanted me. Loved me. That coupled with my relief that Bella was still alive had me nearly floating.

"Oh Jazz, no really, I have to tell you something. This is so crazy. I wish you were here."

"Me too." He said it so softly, almost seductively and I inhaled sharply. I didn't even have to be within five hundred miles of this man for him to physically affect me. Make me ache with the desire to be with him in every way possible—body, mind and well, maybe soul.

"Pixie, I need to tell you something too. I called Carlisle and asked him and Esme to come back to Denali. They should actually get here any minute. And then we're going to figure this whole thing out." His words came out so fast, almost as if he was afraid I would stop him.

I picked up on what he said about Carlisle though and it brought back all of my confusion about the Jacob Black/werewolf situation and the big holes that kept appearing anywhere he came into Bella's picture. I really needed to talk to Carlisle about it. Surely he would know what it meant.

"Carlisle's coming?" Her voice sounded surprised. "This is perfect. I _need_ to talk to him." My voice came out squeaky with the urgency I felt to talk to Carlisle.

"What's wrong, Alice?" Jasper's tone was flat and I knew I'd just caused him a new worry.

"No. Nothing is wrong, per se. And oh, Jazz! I haven't told you the best part…Bella's alive!" Dead silence. I'm sure he was stunned. "Jazz?" No answer.

Then I realized that the silence was the eerie sound of a dead phone line. Well, crap. I guessed he lost the call. But had he heard my news? Did he know? I immediately punched in his number again but it went straight to his voice mail. Damn, damn, damn!

With a sigh, I shrugged in defeat and dropped my phone back into my pocket. There was nothing to be done now but to head back to Bella's. I needed to be there for her. It felt good to be needed again. Especially when I thought she was…

It took no time at all to collect a suitcase of belongings at our Forks house and before my hour was up, I was back at Bella's, making myself comfortable on the makeshift bed she'd made on the sofa. She hadn't even heard me come in.

I spared Jasper one last thought filled with the longing that I wish I knew if he'd heard me or not and when would I see him next before Bella popped in. I saw that I'd surprised her and gave her a smile while patting the pillow she'd put out. "Thanks," I said, breaking the silence.

"You're early," She sounded thrilled. She moved to the sofa and sat down next to me, resting her head on my shoulder. I took comfort in the heat of her body, the scent that no longer triggered an unbearable thirst thanks to my meal of venison earlier. I put my arms around her and sighed as I rested my cheek against her hair. I could smell the strawberry of her freshly used shampoo intermingled with her unique scent.

"Bella. What_ are_ we going to do with you?" I knew I had to do something to protect this girl who seemed to trip into trouble wherever she went. Especially now that there were big holes in the one ability I'd had to try and keep a watch on her from afar.

"I don't know," She said begrudgingly. "I really have been trying my hardest."

And that was what stabbed at me. Because I knew that was true and still it wasn't enough. "I believe you."

We fell into a comfortable silence both of us lost in our own thoughts. But I suddenly had a flash and I knew what was coming. This was going to be tricky. I didn't want to hurt her any further but I couldn't lie to her either.

"Does—does he…" I felt her shoulders draw up as she took a deep breath. She was working up to saying his name. "Does Edward know you're here?"

"No." I said softly trying to cushion the blow somewhat. I knew what it had taken for her to even ask.

"He's not with Carlisle and Esme?" I could tell she was surprised.

I was cautious about what to say, wanting to be honest but at the same time not wanting to betray my brother. "He checks in every few months."

"Oh." I could tell she was disappointed in my response. "You said you flew here…Where did you come from?" Ah, so she was switching to a safer topic. A less painful one.

"I was in Denali. Visiting Tanya's family." Her next question caused me pain this time.

"Is Jasper here? Did he come with you?" I raised my head from hers and shook it focusing on the fireplace across from us. I tried to ignore the stab of pain at the memory of that last bleak moment in Denali.

"He didn't approve of my interfering. We promised…" I let my voice trail off not wanting to reveal anything about the disaster of our last meeting with Edward in Texas. We needed to change the subject.

"And you think Charlie won't mind my being here?" I was worried about his reaction. Sure, I knew he used to like me but I'm sure Bella hadn't been in the best of shape and I couldn't see how he _wouldn't_ blame our family. Besides, I knew he would arrive at any moment. I heard the cruiser before Bella did.

"Well, we're about to find out." Then the cruiser pulled into the driveway and Bella jumped up and threw open the door. She stepped outside and I heard her greet her dad. "I'm so sorry about Harry, Dad." It was clear from her tone that she did feel bad about it.

"I'm really going to miss him." Charlie's voice was just a murmur but I still heard it and the pain he was feeling as if he were sitting right beside me. I almost felt guilty as I overheard the rest of their conversation about Harry Clearwater's family. They still hadn't come inside the house.

I saw a flash and knew she was about to tell Charlie I was there. I was nervous but saw that he was going to accept me. I got up and moved toward the door.

"Um, Dad? You'll never guess who's here." That's when I made my entrance. "Hi, Charlie." It wasn't hard to have a subdued tone. It really was lousy timing and he had every right to be angry at the Cullens. "I'm sorry I came at such a bad time."

He looked at me, disbelief in his tone. "Alice Cullen?" I could tell he was trying to process as he swung his head from Carlisle's black car to my face. "Alice, is that you?"

"It's me. I was in the neighborhood." I knew what was coming next. Of course anytime someone really wanted to know if Edward was here too, they asked about Carlisle. "Is Carlisle…?" I didn't make him finish.

"No, I'm alone." It was important for some reason that he knew it was just me. I saw his grip tighten on Bella's shoulder, almost as if he could physically protect her from the surely emotional trauma she would be re-opening.

Bella pleaded, "She can stay here, can't she? I already asked her." Still in shock over his friend's death and my sudden appearance, he responded automatically but without emotion. "Of course. We'd love to have you Alice." A surge of sympathy coursed through me. Poor guy. First Harry and now a Cullen.

I was sincere when I responded. "Thank you, Charlie. I know it's horrid timing."

He was slightly warmer when he replied. "No, it's fine, really. I'm going to be really busy doing what I can for Harry's family; it will be nice for Bella to have some company." I could tell he meant it as his sad eyes met mine.

The rest of the evening passed in a flurry. Bella was exhausted from her ordeal. As we sat on the couch, I pulled her to me. "You look tired." I stated the obvious.

"Yeah, near-death experiences do that to me…So, what does Carlisle think of you being here?" She was like a little kid fighting sleep. I knew she was afraid if she closed her eyes I would disappear again.

I spoke quietly, hoping to lull her to sleep. I wasn't going anywhere but Edward would kill me if I let her get run down and sick. "He doesn't know. He and Esme were on a hunting trip. I'll hear from him in a few days, when he gets back."

She was quiet for a few moments and then said, "You won't tell _him, _though…when he checks in again?" I noticed how she couldn't bring herself to say his name this time. Good God, no way would I tell him! Ever if I could help it! He would absolutely _kill_ me if he knew I was anywhere near her much less sitting right here on her couch!

"No. He'd bite my head off." My tone was grim as I knew that was the case having already lived through the experience in Texas. She gave a short laugh before sighing and settling in closer. It wasn't long before her steady breathing was the only sound. The most beautiful sound I'd heard in years.


	16. Fathers

A/N:

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials. Only my own unique imaginings and original characters.

Underneath It All

Chapter 16: Fathers

**Carlisle's POV**

All any of my children had to do was ask, and I would drop everything to be by their side.

That was the way it had always been from the day I honored Elizabeth Masen's wishes and both saved and condemned her son to an eternity on earth.

But in so doing I had fulfilled what I believed to have been my destiny. In that moment, I became a father.

And although in being my first-born, Edward and I shared a special connection—it was no less with any of my children made by my hand or no.

So when Jasper had called, there had been no hesitation. The only question was how fast Esme and I could get there. Luckily, my old friend, Victor Cambridge, had resolved that question with the long of his black Escalade.

I remained quietly calm as we prepared to leave and then on the drive to Denali while Esme fluttered. It worried me what all this upheaval in our family over the past several months was doing to my wife much less my children.

I knew if it was taking half the toll on them that it was on me then it was quite grievous indeed. I did not agree with Edward's choice but neither could I deny him the right to make his own decisions. It was the same for any of my family. I would never impose my will on them. I knew what it was like to have a father like that and I would never subject my own children to that, biological or not.

The relief on all three of our children's faces when Esme and I arrived in Denali made me grateful that we had not delayed in returning. But I could also see determination in Jasper's eyes and the set of his jaw and stubbornness in Rosalie's.

That made me sigh. I knew that it meant they must be opposed in whatever it was they wanted. I would have to walk a tightrope to ensure that what was best for the family is what was done regardless of any battle lines drawn.

I listened carefully as Jasper explained his reason for calling and then clasped Esme to my side. She was shaking with the news of Bella's death. A profound sadness permeated my every thought and instantly I knew why Jasper had asked me to come. What were we to do about Edward? And in such a way as to keep what was left of our family from imploding? Jasper's eyes met mine and I knew he had the same concern. I also knew that part of his concern would be what the destruction of the rest of our family would do to Alice. I could not blame him for that. I had the same concern for Esme who was quietly sobbing in my arms now, her face buried in my chest.

I knew she wept not only for the human girl that we'd grown to love and think of as our daughter but also for the boy who loved her. The boy Esme had always had such big dreams for. He'd left in a misguided attempt to protect her and now that it had failed, how would he react?

Rosalie was insistent that we tell him immediately and head back to Forks now. But I was not convinced.

I wanted to talk to Jasper but without Rose around to interrupt and scoff at everything he had to say. I knew Jasper wouldn't be intimidated but already quiet by nature, I was afraid he wouldn't want to contradict Rosalie in front of the others.

"Jasper, come with me. Let's take a walk." He nodded in acquiescence. Rose's eyes flashed and she opened her mouth to speak. I raised a hand to stop her.

"Rose. Easy. I just want to hear what Jasper's thinking and then I'll come find you and hear your arguments. Please, just be patient." Her jaw snapped shut but I could still tell by the scornful look on her face she wasn't happy about my decision.

Emmett ever cognizant of Rosalie's moods and how best to diffuse them stepped in then. "How about I walk with you guys?" His tone was more subdued than I'd ever heard the always exuberant Emmett sound.

He cut a quick glance to Rosalie and I saw his concern about her reaction. She gave him a quick glare but then was gone before another word could be said. It was always best to just let her go and blow off some steam first.

Jasper rolled his eyes and Emmett sighed and hung his head slightly, shaking it. "How about that walk, boys? And you can tell me what you're thinking." I gave Esme a quick peck on the forehead and patted her back. She sighed and gave me a quick squeeze before letting go and murmuring about finding Tanya.

Jasper led the way and we headed down to the nearby creek. Emmett immediately began picking up large rocks to attempt skipping across the creek but mostly just causing giant splashes. Jasper and I watched him silently for a moment. I stayed patient knowing that Jasper would speak when he was ready.

And he did. Telling of us of his concern for Alice, how Edward would react when he found out, his belief that we needed to present a united front to Edward to convince him to come home. I nodded occasionally to show that I was listening. I understood what he was saying but the question was how best to approach it?

When he stopped, both he and Emmett looked at me expectantly and it was then that I felt my fatherly instinct return—to not disappoint my children, to make the decisions that would be best for the entire family. It was a lot of pressure but it was a small price to pay to keep my family together.

"Well, boys, it seems we have some work in front of us but I'd rather resume our talk with your mother and Rosalie. I appreciate you giving me your thoughts and some things to think about." I grasped each one in a brief hug. No matter how many decades pass, these would always be my sons and I would always be their father.

**Charlie's POV**

It'd been one hell of a day. Damn, it'd been one hell of a six months. Ever since the Cullens…I felt my blood pressure rise and refused to think his name. Okay, really, just one Cullen. But I didn't need to think about that now.

Instead, I needed to focus on the fact that I'd just lost my best friend and how in the world I was going to help poor Sue and the kids through this. Although Harry'd had some health problems, his death was still so sudden, so shocking. We'd really thought he'd put the worst of them behind him for the time being.

I guided the cruiser toward the comfort of my tiny house. It wasn't much but it was home. Had been more of a home than in years since Bella'd come back. It'd been hard the past few months, almost like living with a ghost or better yet—the living dead, a zombie but she seemed to be slowly coming around. Thanks to Jacob. Something in him had brought her back to life and I would always be grateful to him for that.

I was exhausted and hungry and just wanted to see my daughter and wrap my arms around her. I hadn't realized how much I missed being a full time dad until she'd come back to Forks to live with me and now I couldn't imagine _not_ having her in my life. I felt a pinch in my chest just at the thought of losing my baby. Or her losing me. Maybe she was right, maybe I should start taking better care of myself—lay off the steaks every once in awhile.

Of course, I'd eaten better since she'd come home than in years and years. Bella was a natural born giver and I was so lucky to be her father and to benefit from the light she brought to me. My life had been so empty before. I knew it wasn't any thanks to me or even her mom that she'd turned out as great as she had.

I turned into the driveway and before I'd even made it halfway to the front porch, my daughter was there to greet me. I didn't see her, my mind lost in thoughts of what had to be done over the next few days, how best to help Sue out. But then Bella's arms were wrapped tight around me and I'd never felt so good and warm in my life.

I knew I was crushing her but I couldn't seem to let go. I knew that we exchanged words about Harry and his family but it all kind of escaped me. I was vaguely aware that we began walking toward the door, neither of us letting go of the other.

"Um, Dad?" She sounded kind of tentative. "You'll never guess who's here."

Everything after that kind of became one blur. I remember I thought I might be the next to have a heart attack when I thought that _all_ of the Cullens had returned and feeling immense relief that it was just Alice.

And if it had to be any of them, I was glad it was Alice. At first. But on the heels of my initial relief then came the worry. I knew what Bella had been through. Not just losing _him_ but Alice too. She'd been Bella's best friend. She'd been nearly a constant presence in our house after that terrible episode in Phoenix and I'd come to think of her as nearly a second daughter.

But to come now, just as Bella seemed to be coming out of the fog…well, it'd be a lie if I didn't say I wasn't worried about what Bella would go back to, what she'd become, once Alice left again. And she would leave. She was just here for a short visit.

In fact, Bella already looked a little drawn and pale. I wondered if it was because she was already worrying about Alice's departure. Or if Alice had shared news about _that guy_. I couldn't even think his name. I barely slept that night between my worry for my daughter and my grief over my best friend.

So I was up early and tried to be quiet as I made my way to the kitchen and the coffee pot. I wasn't quiet enough because I heard a small "ahem" from behind me and turned to find Alice up and already immaculately dressed. In fact, I couldn't think of a time I'd ever seen her disheveled. Her amber colored eyes looked at me a little warily and full of concern.

"Good morning, Charlie. I hope I'm not disturbing you?" She asked the question leaving me an out if I wanted to be alone, I was sure. But I didn't. I was actually glad to have a few minutes to talk to her without Bells hearing. My fatherly protective instincts were kicking in.

It would be nice to have some answers but it would also be nice to tell someone who knew Bella, knew what _he'd_ meant to her to understand exactly what I'd been going through the past few months. It had gotten pretty lonely and pretty terrifying at times. Besides, I wanted to know what to expect. If she was the only one coming. Or if there'd be others.

I got out some eggs and bacon and started making breakfast. I gestured with the carton and she gave a slight nod so I started enough for two. Bella was the better cook but I figured I could muster a couple of eggs and some bacon. I didn't want to disturb her. She needed some much uninterrupted sleep.

We were both quiet as I fixed our plates and she sat quietly at the kitchen table merely watching me prepare the breakfast. Finally, I sat a plate and cup of coffee in front of her and then sat down across from her. She didn't look at me but began picking at her plate before speaking. "How bad was it, Charlie?"

I knew what she meant. I'd seen that worry in her eyes since I'd first seen her on the doorstep. I sighed. I knew she loved Bella and this would not be easy for her to hear but she needed to know. Then maybe she could tell _him_ and _he_ would stay away. For good.

"Real bad." I scooped a forkful of eggs into my mouth but they tasted like sand as the memories of the past six months came flooding back.

"Tell me about it. I want to know exactly what happened when we left." I chewed slowly, thinking carefully about my words and trying to stay composed. It was hard for a father to think about just how bad my little girl had it when it happened.

"I've never felt so helpless. I didn't know what to do. That first week—I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her. She wouldn't eat or drink, she wouldn't move. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like catatonic, but I didn't let him up to see her. I was afraid it would scare her." My chest tightened painfully and a vein in my temple throbbed as I relived those first horrible days.

"She snapped out of it though?" Alice's tiny voice sounded hopeful.

"I had Renee come to take her to Florida. I just didn't want to be the one…if she had to go to a hospital or something. I hoped being with her mother would help. But when we started packing her clothes, she woke up with a vengeance. I've never seen Bella throw a fit like that. She was never one for the tantrums, but boy, did she fly into a fury. She threw her clothes everywhere and screamed that we couldn't make her leave—and then she finally started crying. I thought that would be the turning point. I didn't argue when she insisted on staying here…and she did seem to get better at first…" I trailed off as the memories overwhelmed me.

That phone call to Renee had been the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. Even harder than when we'd divorced. Deep down, though painful, I'd known it had been the best thing for both of us although I'd hated becoming a part-time dad. But it seemed as if Phil had really brought Renee some stability and happiness that I'd never been able to provide. And somehow we'd found a way to be the best parents that we knew how to be for Bella. I'd been so grateful for her help even if it had scared both of us a little at the ferocity of her reaction.

"But?" Alice brought me back to the moment.

"She went back to school and work, she ate and slept and did her homework. She answered when someone asked a direct question. But she was…empty. Her eyes were blank. There were lots of little things—she wouldn't listen to music anymore; I found a bunch of CDs broken in the trash. She didn't read; she wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on, not that she watched it so much before. I finally figured it out—she was avoiding everything that might remind her of…him." I felt the old anger rekindle as I thought of how much joy he had stolen from her life.

"We could hardly talk; I was so worried about saying something that would upset her—the littlest things would make her flinch—and she never volunteered anything. She would just answer if I asked her something. She was alone all the time. She didn't call her friends back, and after a while, they stopped calling. It was night of the living dead around here. I still hear her screaming in her sleep…" I shuddered as I remembered the first time that heart-rending, ear-splitting shriek had jolted me out of bed and to her side. But eventually, it happened so often that I stopped going. I knew what the problem was and it was nothing I could fix.

"I'm so sorry, Charlie." I'd never heard Alice sound so downbeat and her heart-shaped face was just as crestfallen. I hated that I'd hurt her but I wasn't sorry that I'd told her. It'd felt good to get some of that off of my chest.

"It's not _your_ fault." We both knew exactly whose fault it was. "You were always a good friend to her."

"She seems better now, though."Her voice was thoughtful and I knew she was trying to see how the Bella I'd described just _after_ was the same Bella today. I knew why. It was Jake. That kid had brought her back to life. I wasn't naïve enough to believe that she was like she'd been before. But I would never be able to pay Jacob back for bringing my daughter back to me in a new form.

"Yeah. Ever since she started hanging out with Jacob Black, I've noticed a real improvement. She has some color in her cheeks when she comes home, some light in her eyes. She's happier." I took a gulp of my coffee and my heart grew lighter as I thought about Bella and Jacob together—how happy both Billy and I would be if it came about.

"He's a year or so younger than her, and I know she used to think of him as a friend, but I think maybe it's something more now, or headed that direction, anyway." It came out almost as a warning in my best police chief tone. I wanted to emphasize this part of my story so that it would find it's way back to _him_.

"Jake's old for his years. He's taken care of his father physically the way Bella took care of her mother emotionally. It matured him. He's a good-looking kid, too—takes after his mom's side. He's good for Bella, you know." Now I was starting to be irritated with how it sounded like I was trying to convince her rather than just telling her how it was. I suppose part of it had to do with the skepticism I saw in her eyes.

Her voice was agreeable, not even a hint of the skepticism I'd thought I'd seen. "Then it's good she has him."

I let out a sigh then as if she'd taken the wind right out of my sails. I knew I'd overstepped a bit and as she kept her gaze steady on mine, I found myself confessing. "Okay, so I guess that's overstating things. I don't know…even with Jacob, now and then I see something in her eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in. It's not normal, Alice, and it…it frightens me. Not normal at all. Not like someone…left her, but like someone died."

My voice cracked then as all of the intense emotions of the past months crashed around me. Alice was looking at me and nodding as if she understood and she looked sad too. I realized in that moment that she too had lost her best friend because of _him_ and my fatherly feelings welled up for both my girls.

The whole situation was so unfair and I felt helpless. I _hated_ feeling helpless and useless. "I don't know if she's going to get over it—I'm not sure if it's in her nature to heal from something like this. She's always been such a constant little thing. She doesn't' get past things, change her mind."

And that was hurt the most. Knowing that I could not make my little girl happy no matter what I did.

"She's one of a kind." Alice noted dryly.

I nodded in agreement. I almost hesitated to say the next thing I needed to say but I couldn't keep it in.

"And Alice…now, you know how fond I am of you, and I can tell that she's happy to see you, but..I'm a little worried about what your visit will do to her."

She frowned a little and absently raised her coffee cup to her lips for a small sip before responding. "So am I, Charlie, so am I. I wouldn't have come if I'd had any idea. I'm sorry."

I knew she meant it and I felt my gut tighten a bit with guilt that I'd made her feel unwelcome. "Don't apologize, honey. Who knows? Maybe it will be good for her." I didn't really think that but I didn't want her feelings to be hurt.

"I hope you're right." She was worrying her bottom lip between her teeth as she clasped the coffee cup in both hands almost hugging it to her. I noticed she hadn't touched much of my food. Not that I had either. I still had a long day ahead with the Clearwaters. I took another bite of my eggs. I was trying to form my words carefully. I'd already caused Alice enough pain but I had to _know_.

"Alice, I have to ask you something." My tone was halting as I struggled with my words. Alice eased the way by responding "Go ahead," almost as if she knew what I was going to ask.

"He's not coming back to visit, too, is he?" I could barely repress the anger that was at a constant simmer anytime I thought of him and what he'd done.

Alice's response was soft, as if soothing the angry beast—me. "He doesn't even know I'm here. The last time I spoke with him, he was in South America." Rather than soothing me I felt another swell of righteous anger. So while my Bella had nearly died, that bastard was running around South America living it up! Well, I knew he'd been selfish to leave her in the first place so I don't know why this news would surprise me.

Involuntarily, I snorted. "That's something, at least. Well, I hope he's enjoying himself."

Alice's voice had an edge to it. "I wouldn't make assumptions, Charlie." Her eyes flashed briefly at mine. I held her gaze for a minute and knew that I had deserved that. I wasn't happy with _him_ but I had no right to take it out on her. She'd never been anything but a good friend to Bella.

I simply nodded to let her know that I was sorry. She gave me a ghost of a smile and I saw the sadness back in her eyes. It caused another surge of fatherly protectiveness but I didn't know what to say so I just got up and gathered our dishes and took them to the sink.

I heard Bella stirring. I had just a moment to greet her before heading out to fulfill my obligations to the Clearwater family.

I hoped she hadn't overheard anything I'd said to Alice. I didn't want her to be upset with me for interfering. Or what she'd see as interfering.

I just saw it as being her dad. Which I would always be whether she liked it or not, no matter what.


	17. Italy

A/N: Dear Readers, for those who may still be out there, I hope you will enjoy this little early Christmas present. Yes, I know it's been FOREVER! But it's amazing how fast time flies by. So this chapter is for all my devoted readers who have begged me for months to PLEASE UPDATE! So here it is gang, enjoy…

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials. Only my own unique imaginings and original characters.

Underneath It All

Chapter 17: Italy

**Alice's POV**

My brother was going to die. And without Bella, I had no hope of stopping it from happening.

So she would probably die as well.

I, most assuredly would die if they did.

All without ever laying eyes on my cowboy ever again. My last look of him that bleak picture before leaving him in Alaska.

And every single bit of if was my fault.

So I had to fix it. Even though our chances were minuscule. A bitter smile touched my lips. Actually, smaller than minuscule.

It would be easy to lose myself in the trap of "if-onlies". If only Bella had never jumped…if only I'd never had the vision of it…if only I could see werewolves…if only Jasper had come with me…if only Rose had never made that call…if only Edward had never made that call…if only Bella had answered instead of Jacob Black…

I shook my head and re-focused on searching out Edward. I knew Bella's gaze was on me as it had been since soon after we'd taken off from Seattle. We'd barely made our connection for Rome at JFK. I'd had to make an effort to run at Bella's clumsy pace. But we _had_ made it.

I'd closed my eyes nearly as soon as we'd plopped down in our first-class seats. My intention had been to see if anything had changed with Edward and his plans when we'd been changing planes. But I'd found myself distracted by the gravity of all that had happened.

And Jazz. Always the thoughts of Jazz were there. A small sigh escaped me as I recalled my brief phone call with him on the way to New York. I'd tried to keep my voice as low as possible, not wanting to panic Bella but also I knew very well that it was most likely the last time I'd ever talk to the love of my existence. And somehow it just didn't seem right to have that conversation in front of Bella when she would most likely never get that same opportunity to say goodbye to Edward.

It had taken all of my acting skills to keep my voice calm…to be reassuring. I'd heard a tinge of desperation to his words and it had nearly broken me. But I _had_ to make sure he did not follow me. Not this time. As much as I'd have loved to have his calming presence, there was no way I was condemning him to the same death sentence that the three of us…Edward, Bella and I now faced.

Besides, he wouldn't come alone. Rose and Emmett would come as well. And when none of us came back, then I knew Carlisle and Esme would come. And that would be the obliteration of the Cullen family.

No way, I was letting my _entire_ family be destroyed like that. I'd do whatever it took.

That thought sharpened my resolve and I settled in, rubbing my throbbing temples lightly as I focused back in on Edward.

_I saw the marble throne room, the sunlight shining down on the occupants, five of them so pale they were nearly translucent. The Volturi. They looked exactly the same as the painting that hung in Carlisle's study. Well, except for the rainbow sparkles that were being thrown from their skin in the sunlight. _

_I saw Edward and he was in the tattered remnants of the same clothes I'd seen him in in Texas. His dark eyes were underlined by deep purplish bruises. Who knows when he'd last hunted. But it was the bleak desolation in them that stole my breath. _

_The middle brother spoke first. It was obvious he was the leader although he was shorter than the other two. He had hair as black as Edward's eyes and it hung in a bright sheen down his back. His eyes were a dull red. I knew _that_ had nothing to do with not feeding but instead they were dulled by a milky white film. That along with the paper-thin skin revealing the antiquity of the Volturi._

"_So what is it to be?" Edward's rusty voice reminded me that he'd been away from others for a while. Alone in a self-imposed isolation. _

_Aro's small smile never reached his milky eyes and instead looked slightly cruel rather than reassuring. He spread his hands wide, palms up, almost as if in supplication. But I was not fooled and I could see as the last glimmer of hope dimmed in Edward's eyes that he was not fooled either._

"_Ah, Edward." Aro's voice was slightly high and you could hear a hint of what could be interpreted as insincerity. He was smart though. It wasn't enough to say for sure. Unless you'd had a father like Carlisle Cullen and knew what true sincerity sounded like. _

"_I'm afraid we won't be able to grant your request. As you know Carlisle is an _old _friend, and I'm afraid he'd never forgive me if I allowed such a wasteful use of your…gifts." His teeth gleamed as he smiled frostily. "You can join us instead." Edward's dark gaze never wavered but I gasped as the vision suddenly shifted. He was as decided as the Volturi now. He'd_ make_ them get rid of him._

It had been nearly impossible to zone in on what Edward planned to do…it changed so many times. But then he'd decided. I'd told Bella how he would accomplish provoking the Volturi.

"He's going to keep it simple. He's just going to walk out into the sun." And that's all it would take once the diamond-like reflection cascaded over the crowds. I sighed, not sure who was the more melodramatic, Edward or Rosalie…no wonder they didn't get along.

"We'll be too late." Bella's whisper pierced through my thoughts and her hand squeezed mine. I could hear the panic in her words. I wanted to reassure her. I needed her on board if we had any hope of succeeding. I needed _her_ to believe that we would be successful.

I shook my head. "Right now, he's leaning toward the melodramatic. He wants the biggest audience possible, so he'll choose the main plaza, under the clock tower. The walls are high there. He'll wait till the sun is exactly overhead."

I saw her draw in a breath and her eyes got a little wider. "So we have till noon?"

I had to be realistic since this depended on him not changing his mind between Florence and Volterra. "If we're lucky. If he sticks with this decision." My mind was already racing with what we needed to do as soon as we landed since the seat belt light had just flipped on.

"How far is it from Florence to Volterra?" It was as if she'd read my mind. I'd already decided we needed a fast car. I thought longingly of the black Corvette Jazz and I had to abandon in Texas. I couldn't imagine that there were too many of those lying around Florence. But there surely had to be _something_ that would work.

"That depends on how fast you drive…Bella?" I gave her my most innocent pixie look. The look that always broke Jasper. "Yes?" She gave me a wary look. The same look Jasper usually gave me just before he caved.

"How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?" She was going to _love_ the yellow Porsche Turbo I'd just had a vision of with it's supple black leather seats. Okay, who was I kidding? I was going to love it.

And while Edward went for the melodramatic, I always went for style. If we were going down, we were going to look fabulous doing it.

**Jasper's POV**

I gripped the chair in front of me, trying to physically stop myself from running out the door to retrieve my wife and take her where she'd never be in harm's way ever again. Of course, the back of the chair snapped off when my muscles tensed as the memory of our last conversation reverberated through my brain.

Hell's bells, I couldn't believe I still hadn't hopped on the first plane to Italy and dragged her and Bella back to Forks, damn whatever hair-brained plan she'd come up with this time. I couldn't believe I'd actually let her talk me into it.

But then I remembered. What she'd said had actually made sense. The best chance for success in saving Edward was my pixie. With Bella. And although it went against every protective bone in my body, I knew I had to stay behind. If for no other reason than to keep Rosalie and Emmett in check before anymore of our family risked losing their lives.

"_I'm coming with you. Rose and Emmett too. Emmett's spoiling for a fight." I knew my voice was gruff and twangy. I was beyond worried. _

_And what Alice had said when I'd answered her phone call from the plane hadn't made me feel any better. Edward had obviously finally broken from reality…all of his plans to anger the Volturi. _

_It was pure suicide. Just about the only form of suicide that would work on our kind. I knew he'd been in a dark place in Texas. I'd felt the magnitude so it didn't surprise me that the news of Bella's death, although greatly exaggerated, had pushed him into the abyss._

"_No, you can't." Her voice was low. It was her serious tone. "Tell Emmett no."_

"_Too late, pixie. He and Rose just left." I was glad they'd left because with their head start I'd be able to justify coming along as well. _

"_Well, go after Emmett and Rosalie and bring them back." Now it was her most imperious pixie tone. The voice she used when giving me orders as if she were my general back in the day. The soldier in me immediately felt the pull to automatically obey. The cowboy in me knew that it probably had more to do with me always giving in to what my pixie wanted._

"_If I do, you have to give me one good reason why we shouldn't join you. We could help you. We could protect Bella." I was trying to be persuasive without being whiny. It was a fine line._

"_Think about it, Jasper. If he sees any of us, what do you think he will do?" She wasn't being rhetorical or even being a smart-ass. It was a reasonable question. And damn, if she wasn't right. I knew what Edward would do. And we wouldn't have a prayer._

"_Well, darlin', he'll just act that much faster and we'll all feel the need to protect him and if we're too late, then we'll feel the need to avenge him. And the Volturi never lose." My gut tightened at the thought of losing Alice. Losing my siblings. _

"_Exactly. I think Bella is the only chance—if there is a chance." I'd spent years developing fighting strategies and as much as it pained me, I knew she was right. I was going to have to put my complete faith in her abilities. _

"_Pixie, be careful. Do your best to keep him from knowing you're coming. That will be your best chance." My adrenaline was racing. It dawned on me that this could be the last time I'd ever speak to my wife._

_No. She had to come back. This had to work._

_Her voice cut across the line. "I'll do everything that can be done, but prepare Carlisle; the odds aren't good." My stomach dropped a little at that. I knew she intended it to sound like Edward would be the one not returning but I also knew my wife. She was trying to prepare me as well._

"_Well, pix, I learned a long time ago to never bet against you. My money's on you, darlin'. Those Volturi and Edward will never know what hit'em. Besides, think of all the delicious ways I'm going to punish you when you get home for leaving me in the cold like this, witch." I was rewarded for my light tone when her tinkling laugh washed over me warming a little of the coldness that was lodged in my chest._

_Her laughter ended with a little catch and I had the distinct feeling she was on the verge of losing the semblance of coolness she'd kept up to this point. "I've thought of that."_

_I wanted to reassure her that I'd be here for her no matter what. "Promise me that I'll get that chance, Alice."_

"_Yes, I promise." Her tiny voice broke through my defenses. "That's it, pixie. I'm coming after you." Hell's bells, what was I doing? This was my wife. I couldn't leave her hanging like that._

"_Don't follow me." I could hear the pleading in her tone. I couldn't deny her when she begged me with that tone. I'd done that once and it was the reason we were separated now. _

"_Then promise me, that no matter what, you will come back to me. And I'll promise to stay behind. This time." I knew I was sounding a little like the old soldier now, giving orders myself._

_Her voice was resolute when she responded and I couldn't help but believe her. "I promise, Jasper. One way or another, I'll get out." _

_My voice was fervent and I poured every bit of my love into my words. "I'm holding you to it, darlin'. I love you, pixie. Forever." I barely heard her respond, "And I love you," before she was gone._

Now here I was, left behind, with no one to blame but myself. And underneath it all, I knew that I'd finally failed her just as I'd known I always would. Only this time, it was the worst possible failing.

Because I'd left my wife to die in the hills of Italy. And I hadn't done a damn thing to stop it.


	18. Romeo

A/N: Here's another little treat for you, Dear Readers. I hadn't originally planned to do this chapter but it sang to me. I hope you enjoy this little bonus…

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials. Only my own unique imaginings and original characters.

Underneath It All

Chapter 18: Romeo

**Edward's POV**

I could barely feel the warmth of the sun on my bare pale skin from where I stood in the shadows. It mattered little as my own personal sun had been extinguished the moment I got the call.

Actually, in my saner moments, I knew it'd been that way since the moment I'd turned my back on my sun in the Forks forest, forcing us both in to a permanent eclipse.

And now there was no chance for redemption. No chance for reunion.

Now there was only purposeful recklessness. The kind that would allow me to end the miserable existence that had become my life since I walked away from…

I couldn't even bear to think her name. _I_ was responsible for all of this. I deserved nothing less than the total annihilation the Volturi would surely afford me when I stepped into the sunny plaza on the most crowded of all days, the festival of St. Marcus.

I had imagined this day once before. When I'd thought I'd lost her the first time…in Phoenix. It had taken me a while to settle on how I would do it but it always came back to this. Simple, elegant, the least likely to disappoint Carlisle.

A derisive snort escaped me. Of course, he'd be disappointed. My whole family would. They'd been begging me for months to come home.

But I could never go back. They were all better off without me…the shell that I'd become without Bella in my life. When I thought of my past few months in Brazil…not even existing, merely subsisting. I'd been a whisper away from running back to Forks. Whether she wanted me back or not, I knew I had to at least be within the same vicinity, assure myself that she was okay. Even if I had to do that from the shadows. Better to be in shadows near her than shadows alone in Brazil.

And here I stood in the shadows again. It was nearly time. I was merely waiting for the toll of the clock tower indicating that the sun would be at its highest, its brightest. Its most lethal…

I calmly unbuttoned the last button on my shirt and felt it flutter to the ground. I stepped forward, closed my eyes and turned my palms out, hoping to absorb some sort of warmth.

I allowed my mind finally to drift to those I loved. I wanted my last thoughts to be of my family…and of course…her.

The memories flickered in fast motion…Carlisle and Esme in the early days when it was just the three of us…their beautiful wedding on Isle Esme…Rose bringing Emmett home…instantly knowing Emmett was her mate…that first night with Alice and Jasper, Emmett and me busting through Esme's mahogany door, Alice stealing my room. A small smile touched my lips at that memory. I was going to miss the little imp.

And then I allowed myself to finally fully allow her in my mind, in a way I hadn't for months. Bella. I inhaled sharply and it was as if she were in my presence…the memory of her scent as real to me as it had been that first day in the classroom. I waited for the pain of the memory but there was no pain. It was almost as if it had happened to another being.

The scent was growing stronger, her unique scent that had tormented me in the beginning and had haunted me the past seven months. And then I heard the voices.

Alice's voice was faint as if far away…surely I couldn't hear her across an ocean and two continents? I knew she's know what I was up to, what I had decided. But I was fairly certain there'd be nothing she could do to stop it. Regardless, I must be imagining it…perhaps it was one of the Volturi's tricks to keep you calm before you met your violent end.

_Stop Edward! Don't do this! She's alive!_

I almost chuckled. I knew I was hallucinating now. I knew that'd be the first thing Alice would try if she were here. She was a sneaky little thing. The bell pealed its first toll and I took another step forward to emerge from the dark alleyway.

Then on the heels of Alice, I heard her.

Bella. It was as real as my hallucinations of her had been for the past seven months.

"Edward, no!" It seemed as if it was getting closer. Her scent was stronger too. If this was one of the Volturi's tricks then my hat was off to them. It was almost as good as the real thing.

I could almost see her in front of me…hear her heartbeat…see her dark chocolate eyes…feel her in my arms. I took a step forward. I didn't expect anything other than the nothingness to overtake me soon. I would enjoy my hallucination of my love until I fell into the void.

I knew Carlisle believed that there was something more for us after this life but I couldn't quite bring myself to have his faith.

And then the hallucination became so real I thought I'd truly made my break with reality.

I was surrounded in her scent, her warm body had slammed into mine. I clutched that warmth, my own personal sun, trying to soak it all in. So many regrets, but most of all the regret that this couldn't be real…could it?

"No! Edward look at me." Her frantic voice caused my eyes to pop open. It was too unreal to believe. Or too real to believe. There she was in my arms. Where she'd always belonged. Where I should have never let her leave.

I felt the disbelief sweep over me. Damn! Carlisle had been right. There was a heaven. And by some small miracle, we were finally reunited.

"Amazing. Carlisle was right." I murmured aloud looking into those pools of the deepest chocolate that I'd longed to drown in for months. I smiled as I inhaled deeply absorbing that beautiful scent. I squeezed her tighter to me. I could actually feel her heartbeat. Her chest was heaving against mine.

Oh, this was definitely heaven. I finally allowed myself the privilege of trailing my hand down her silky soft cheek. It was flushed and she was breathing heavily as if she'd run a great distance to be in my arms. Her mouth was moving. She was speaking and it took me a moment to realize what she was saying.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing—they're very good." Whatever this was, I didn't want it to end. I closed my eyes and quickly drew her head toward me allowing my lips to touch her dark hair. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I had yet another thing in common with Romeo, the hero I'd once mocked while sitting with Bella on her sofa. Yet, here I was reunited in death with my one true love. Star-crossed though we may be.

"_Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty."_ The final bell toll rang across the Piazza dei Priori. She was struggling in my arms as if trying to push me away. Well, too bad. This was my afterlife and no way, I was letting her go. Then she might truly disappear forever.

But the struggles only intensified her scent. "You smell just exactly the same as always." I frowned slightly. "So maybe this _is _hell. I don't care. I'll take it." And it was true. Hell never smelled so sweet.

This time her words came out clearer. "I'm not dead. And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!" The panicked urgency along with her new struggle in my arms penetrated my brain like nothing else had. _They_. She could only mean one "they".

I looked at her. _Really_ looked at her for the first time. "What was that?" I sounded so calm although the thought of the Volturi anywhere near her caused my gorge to rise.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi—" And that's when I heard them. They were close. Too damn close for comfort. Now that my reason for existing was back in my arms, I could never let them rip her from them. They'd have to rip me limb from limb first.

Instinctually, I spun her behind me, back into the shadows of the alleyway, and took up a defensive crouch.

Aro's goons, Felix and Demetri, glided from the darkness appearing to walk straight out of the dark walls. I couldn't betray how very scared I was for the human girl behind me. _My_ human girl. All too aware of her tempting scent and her pounding heart as they filled the gloom.

"Greetings, gentlemen. I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters." Despite my instinct to neutralize them with actions, I knew we had a much better chance if I observed the surface niceties the Volturi thrived on.

The big one, Felix, whispered "Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" I was not fooled by the smooth tone. There was nothing but pure menace beneath the words. I had no doubt my worst fears for Bella's safety would be realized if I allowed them to take us to Aro. I'd seen his cold calculating manners firsthand. Or heard them rather.

"I don't believe that will be necessary." My voice had taken a determined edge. They had no idea how stubborn I could be. Especially when it came to protecting the love of my existence. Logic was the name of the game when it came to the Volturi and their lackeys. "I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules." He'd telegraphed Aro's instructions loud and clear to me, albeit unwittingly.

"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun." Demetri spoke up using a more conciliatory tone, in complete contrast to the nasty thoughts swirling through his mind. "Let us seek better cover."

I took a different tack hoping that I could just get Bella out of harm's way. Whatever happened to me…well, it would be nothing less than I deserve anyway. "I'll be right behind you. Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?" I could feel her stiffen in protest behind me.

I understood the feeling. It was beyond my comprehension for her to ever be out of my sight again. But I had to give her a chance to get away.

"No, bring the girl." This time there was no mistaking the leer in his voice. It matched the leering thoughts in his mind. I tensed in response ready to defend my love. "I don't think so." As I shifted my weight, I caught a glimpse of Bella's wide scared eyes. "No." She mouthed. I didn't have to read her mind to know what she meant.

"Shhh." I murmured in a low voice." Demetri intervened before I made a move. "Felix, not here." Of course not, there was nothing the Volturi hated more than an audience and I was all too aware of the sounds of merriment drifting in from the crowd in the plaza.

"Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have not decided not to force our hand after all," Demetri continued in that all too smooth cultured tone of his. Yeah, sure.

"Certainly. But the girl goes free." I reverted back to my polite conversational tone.

"I'm afraid that's not possible. We do have rules to obey." His tone was apologetic. I knew he'd like nothing better than to disobey Aro and break their damn rules just this one, dispatching of the nuisance that we'd become.

"Then _I'm_ afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation Demetri." I adopted his same tone.

"That's just fine." I saw his eyes flick over me and then stop on Bella. He would relish going through me to get to her. A sigh came from Demetri. "Aro will be disappointed." They suddenly moved toward me in unison. They did not plan to fight fair.

As they began to move toward us, I heard her. Alice. My crazy sister. She _was_ here.

_Don't do anything stupid, Edward. I plan on getting back to my husband in one piece. With you two in tow of course._ She really could be incredibly annoyingly imperious even with her thoughts. I swung my head in the direction that I knew her to be coming from and Demetri and Felix followed my movement.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we? There are ladies present." Her sing-song voice pierced the darkness and despite the danger, I couldn't help but be filled with a wave of love for this impossibly brave little waif. I _had_ missed the little monster.

I felt hope rise up inside me then. Alice and I could make a formidable team when we were together. Of all my family, I'm glad that she was the one that showed up despite Emmett's size, Jasper's strategies, and Rosalie's ferocity. Despite her tiny frame, I'd take Alice any day. I felt a little smug knowing that Demetri and Felix had no idea what they were up against.

Alice casually skipped to my side, her arms swinging as if she didn't have a care in the world. But I knew the worry in her mind. She was scared for us, but mostly she was scared what would happen if she didn't make it back to Jasper.

Well, no need for her to worry about that. There was no way we were not getting out of here alive. I had every reason to live now. Actually, one very good reason. My Juliet.

And I was determined that our story would not end as tragically as that Juliet and her Romeo. Whatever it took. And with Alice at my side, I stood a better than fighting chance to assure that more favorable outcome.


	19. Terminal

A/N: Oh, my dear Readers! It was been too long! But as John Lennon says, life has a funny way of happening when you're busy making other plans… So, this is it! Finito! It may not be where some of you thought this story would end. I don't take it all the way through the end of New Moon. Honestly, it was my humble opinion that this is where Alice and Jasper's story ends for this chapter in their lives. I know some may have wanted through the Vote and I may do a one-shot someday but for now, I must bid adieu to these two! It has been incredible writing their story and I have a couple more ideas that I may bring out in the future for them. I want to thank ALL of you for your support and continued encouragement even while I disappeared. I feel truly honored. So, please feel free to leave any last comments, reviews, etc! As you know I adore and crave your feedback! Until next time, dear readers…

Disclaimer: I am writing this story because I am a fan of Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight Saga. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines or any Twilight-related materials. Only my own unique imaginings and original characters.

Underneath It All

Chapter 19: Terminal

**Jasper's POV**

I'd survived countless battles, years spent in isolation, a vegetarian diet just to be part of a family, but I knew I would never feel such relief to still exist if I could just get a call from my wife telling me she was still alive. That by some small miracle she had survived the Volturi, as well as Edward and Bella, of course.

It wasn't that I doubted my wife's skills. Or Edward's. Even Bella had an inner strength I couldn't explain. But I knew the Volturi's ways, their rules, their resolve to enforce those rules. I respected their power. And because of that healthy respect, I'd be lying if I didn't say that I had very big doubts I'd hear my wife's voice again.

It had been an interminable wait and every possible scenario had crossed and re-crossed my mind since my last conversation with my pixie. None of them had the happy ending that every fiber in my being was crying out for.

And of course, I had been in a total mode of self-flagellation for not being there with her. Even though I'd known my entire family was suffering, I had been as surly as a grizzly with a burr in its paw.

I'd even growled at Esme when she'd tried her best to reassure me that Alice, Edward, and Bella would come home in one piece. As soon as I had emitted my low snarl at her words, the immediate guilt that I was so accustomed to surfaced, and I had profusely apologized.

Instead of looking hurt or angry, her golden eyes had instead been so full of sympathy and love that I'd felt even worse and had been compelled to grab and crush her to me in a fierce hug. I felt her stiffen in initial surprise before wrapping her own arms around my back and giving me a strong squeeze.

"Thanks Mom." My voice came out in a tortured whisper. She patted my back and as she did I felt my pocket vibrate. _My phone! Alice!_

I released Esme so quickly, she stumbled a bit back. "Sorry," I muttered, shooting her a chagrined look as I retrieved my phone and flipped it open in one quick move, not even taking time to check the caller ID. I didn't need to. My unbeating heart knew. It was her.

"Pixie." My voice was gruff with emotion. Like most of my life with Alice, I had no idea what to expect on the other end of the line.

"Jazz?" Her small singsong voice sounded so far away and yet it was sweeter than a choir of angels singing. Maybe the sweetest sound I'd ever heard in my long miserable existence. I felt my knees literally buckle and I closed my eyes in relief…maybe even a little prayer of thanks although I'd long given up on the existence of God.

I backed up a step and quickly sunk onto the sofa behind me, instinctively knowing I couldn't stand on my own power any longer. The sense of relief I felt amplified so much, my head started to swim and I was grateful that as a vampire I wasn't in danger of passing out. But I still felt as if I was outside of my body in that moment.

"Alice, are you okay? Please tell me you are. That you all are." My voice sounded strained and twangy to my own ears. I heard her sharp intake of breath and for a moment I felt a blind panic. But then she spoke and I felt that strange relief rush through my body again.

"Yes." Her voice was so hushed that I thought maybe she wasn't alone and didn't want to be overheard. _Oh God, please let her be on a plane back to me! _Damn, I was getting awful religious. But desperate times called for desperate measures and I was incredibly desperate to lay eyes on my sprite of a wife…to sweep her in my arms…kiss her all over…and then spank the holy hell out of her for shaving years off of my existence. And then kiss her all over again.

And most importantly _NEVER_ let her out of my sight ever. If she'd thought I was overprotective before she had _no_ idea what she was in for the next couple of centuries or so.

"Yes, what?" I replied. I heard a shaky breath on the other end as if she finally could release air that she'd been holding in for days. "All of it." Her voice was a whisper now. She sounded incredibly weary and as tortured as I felt inside.

"Where the hell are you, pix? Please tell me you're on your way back to me." I heard what sounded like a small dry sob on her end. The hair on the back of my nape rose up and my gut clenched.

"Oh, Jazz! I was so scared. So scared I'd never see you again…that we wouldn't make it…but we did…we're on a plane…we should be at Sea-Tac around 11:30 pm your time. Tonight." Her words came out in one giant rush, almost a stream of consciousness. I felt my dead heart swell in my chest expanding exponentially as I realized I would soon have my wife in my arms in twelve hours.

I felt like a man who'd been given a terminal diagnosis only to be given a cure at the last minute. My pixie could cure any ailment I had whether it was my stubbornness, stupidity or sheer idiocy. "Oh, pixie, whatever shall I do with you when I see you?" My tone was light to match the lightheartedness I felt at the thought of being reunited with the love of my existence.

My lips quirked up when I heard her answering chuckle. Damn, that was a mighty fine sound for sore ears.

"Oh knowing you, I'm sure you already have some ideas, cowboy. Delicious ideas if I'm lucky." Her voice was breathy full of desire that sent a shot straight to my groin. "The luckiest, Mrs. Hale." My own voice was husky with my undisguised desire for this woman. I knew that was never going to fade if we lived for five more millennia. "But not as lucky as me," I growled.

I heard another sharp intake of breath and the warrior in me pounded his chest in triumph. I felt a primal gratification that she was as into me as I was into her. I was her cowboy. Her soldier. Her warrior. Her champion. Her lover. Her husband. For all eternity.

"Oh cowboy, I can't wait to see you. I don't think I've ever wanted anything so much in my entire existence. But I need to go. I'm getting the stink eye from the flight attendant." I chuckled and then let out a sigh.

"Okay my love. I'll be counting every moment until I see you in that terminal." She sighed back. "Me too, soldier. Love you. More than you could ever know." Her words washed over me like a healing balm, soothing the hole that had been in my chest since she'd left me in Alaska.

"Oh, I might have an inkling, pixie." I was reluctant to break the connection but knew I needed to let the others know. I looked up, realizing Esme was still in the room and looking anxious. I suddenly felt shy and a little embarrassed that she'd heard our conversation. Oh, Jesus, the things I'd said! In front of my mom!

I turned my head to the side and cupped my hand over the phone as I whispered, "Love you too, pix. Eternally." And with that I snapped the phone shut before I totally disgraced myself any further.

Oh, the next twelve hours were going to be the most interminable wait of my life! But well worth it once my pixie was back home. In my arms. Where she belonged. Forever.

**Alice's POV**

The longest flight of my life was _finally_ coming to an end. And it was taking every last bit of my patience to keep from bouncing out of my seat. Okay, I may have still been bouncing _a little._ Luckily, no one was next to me to be subjected to my antsiness.

I was about to explode with the need to see my cowboy…be back in his arms…back in his bed…Oh, Jeez… _Focus Alice!_ My inner voice was screaming at me as it had for the past twelve hours since I'd had to hang up my phone call with Jasper.

I'd thought facing the Volturi in their cold chamber, unsure of whether Edward, Bella, and I would walk out alive, would be the hardest thing I'd ever do. At least until I'd had to hit that "End Call" button and break my only physical connection to my husband.

I'd been so afraid I'd never see him again…never get to hear that Texas twang say "pixie" again…never get to tell him in person how very sorry I was for leaving him… To actually be able to _show_ him how sorry I was. After all, actions were better than words or something like that.

All I could think of during the entire terrifying encounter with Aro and his brothers was how I had to find a way to get us out of there. I couldn't let the last time I'd lay eyes on my husband be that horrible bleak expression on his face when he'd begged me to stay in Alaska.

That was not my Jasper, not my cowboy soldier warrior vampire. That had been a broken man. A man that I had shattered. And that was a hard fact to live with. But, oh! How I had wanted to live! I wanted to make it back to him and put those shattered pieces back together. Even if that meant decades…centuries…millennia. I'd do anything to not only put him back together, but to put _us_ back together again. Only stronger than before…make us unbreakable…unshatterable…invincible.

His words from our phone call when Bella and I were on our way to Italy, echoed over and over even now long after we'd escaped Volterra..._"Promise me I'll get that chance, pixie." _Those words had been my talisman and it was those words that'd given me the courage to speak up and take the only step I knew would save us…showing Aro my vision of Bella as one of us. Despite all of my brother's desperate denials, the vision was still there. In fact, it felt more solid from the moment Bella had saved him in the town square.

But it would only happen as long as Aro made the decision to let us leave. Alive.

It was a devil's bargain to be sure. I was no idiot. I knew Aro's cunning. I knew he expected to exact a price for touching his palm and clueing him in to the exact nature of my gift. I wasn't sure what it was until Edward had shared what he had read in Aro's thoughts. Well, no way I was _ever_ going to let that happen! I knew that Edward felt the same. Of course, the future was always subjective, but luckily I had not even a hint of a vision that showed either Edward or myself in the "employ" of the Volturi like those other creepy vamps they surrounded themselves with.

"Please prepare the cabin for landing." The pilot's voice broke through my reverie. Oh, this was it! My stomach fluttered with a thousand butterflies trying to escape at the same time. Unable to contain my happiness, I bounced up one last time and peeked over the seats in front of me where Edward and Bella were locked in their own bubble, just the two of them, as they had been since Volterra.

Sheesh! I bounced back down and buckled my seatbelt under the icy stare of Miss Hang-Up-The-Phone from the beginning of the flight. I bit my tongue to resist the urge to stick it out at her. At least until she turned her back to take her own seat for landing.

I barely registered the thump as we touched down…the roar of the engines as we pulled to the gate. Instead I inhaled sharply, my eyes never wavering from the seatbelt sign as I counted the seconds in Spanish waiting for the ding indicating I could race inside the terminal to my husband's side. Where I belonged. For eternity.

Oh, I had a terminal case of the Jaspers! I giggled at the thought. What a delicious way to go!

And then the ding sounded and I had no other thoughts but to go. Fast. But not vampire fast, I quickly reminded myself. I didn't even wait for Edward and Bella. My rudeness knew no bounds. But honestly, I'd had more than enough of the Edward and Bella Lovefest for the past twelve hours. It only made me long for own Jazz Lovefest even more! They'd catch up. Eventually. As long as Bella didn't pass out on her feet. Honestly I wasn't sure how she'd made it this long.

But I couldn't worry about that now. Edward would take care of her. And I would take care of Jasper. As soon as I saw him. I _would_ make things right.

However, once I made it off the jet way, I was immediately struck by the enormity of the moment and I felt my feet slow until it was as if I was walking through tar. What should I say? What would he say? Would I still see that same bleak look in his eyes? Oh, now I wasn't so sure I was ready for this!

I heard rather than saw Edward and Bella catch up with me from behind. I felt Edward's hand push me slightly from behind and I began moving again but this time at Bella pace. I glanced sideways at my brother and he gave me his crooked smile and shook his head slightly, his eyes amused with a hint of sympathy.

I knew he'd read my insecure thoughts and this was his way of saying "Quit being an idiot. You got this." Then he gave me a quick wink and a short nod before turning his adoring gaze back on Bella. I think it was the first time he'd taken his eyes off her since we'd been escorted out of the Volturi chamber.

We rounded the corner to the waiting area for families meeting loved ones and my breath whooshed out of my body and everything around me faded to white.

Except for him. Jasper. Jazz. Cowboy. Soldier.

As it had been for 40 years, I only had eyes for him. I was vaguely aware the rest of our family was there. That Edward and Bella were still beside me. But my gaze was locked on the beautiful face of my husband. Locked on his eyes. Which were locked on mine. And wow. What had I been so worried about?

There was no hurt…no anger…no shame…no recriminations. Nothing but pure, naked love. Maybe a _little_ lust. Not just shining, but pinning me down with laser-like precision. I was instantly aware I hadn't drawn a breath and inhaled deeply.

Ooooh! That scent. _His_ scent. So unique. So Jazz. So _mine_. My body began a slow burn of need. Oh God, too long. Too long since I'd felt his delicious weight on me…had those long fingers caressing me…had that delicious tongue…well…everywhere…dancing with mine. I felt the tingle start at my scalp and work its way down to my toes.

I had envisioned racing and flinging myself straight into his arms. Instead I felt as if I floated the last few feet until I stopped a scant six inches from him.

But I didn't fling. I didn't grab. I didn't even touch. Instead, I found myself lost in his eyes. I was terminally smitten. I'd never get over this man. I hoped I was conveying even half of the love he was with my own eyes and I thought maybe I was because his gaze never wavered from mine. But one corner of his mouth started to curl up in that delicious lopsided half-smile that had made me burn for decades now.

Oh my. I wasn't going to last much longer but I had to hold it together as I vaguely became aware of our surroundings…my family…arrangements being made to get Bella home…Rose apologizing?...Even _that_ couldn't make me tear my gaze away from my husband.

He arched an eyebrow at me and his eyes showed a hint of concern. I knew what he was asking without him saying a word. Shorthand that came with a relationship as long as ours._ Are you okay? Are_ we_ okay?_ I gave a small nod and smiled shyly. Yeah. We were more than okay.

His posture relaxed slightly, but he still maintained that soldier bearing that was as much a part of him as his scars. Slowly, he raised his arm and held his hand out, almost hesitant, as if afraid I wouldn't take it. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw our family start to head toward the exit. But I didn't care. I could see the longing in his eyes. Wow. He hungered for my touch as much as I craved his. I felt the electricity zap through me when I grasped his fingers. Just as I had in that diner so many years ago.

He gave a small tug and I was crushed against his broad chest. Right where I belonged. I felt his lips brush against my temple and he rocked us slightly back and forth. He murmured against my hair, his voice a hushed whisper, "Hell's bells, pixie. Welcome home." My chest swelled at his emphasis on the word "home". The promise evident in that one four letter word. Instinctively, I knew he didn't mean welcome back to Forks but instead welcome back to his arms. That was _my_ home. Had been for 40 years and as long as _I _had any say in it, forever.

He grasped my biceps and pulled back slightly, eyeing me from head to toe. His gaze assessing, making sure I was truly back in one unharmed piece. I couldn't stop the ridiculous smile that spread across my face. He made me feel so cherished…so loved. He stopped when his eyes met my eyes and his closed briefly before opening. I saw the relief in his.

He leaned forward and brushed my forehead with his cool full lips. And yet I felt on fire where they touched me. He rested his forehead against mine, searing me with his gaze. I got a little lost and then brought my palm up resting it against his cheek.

"I love you Jasper Hale," I whispered. His returning smile could have lit up Seattle. Hell's bells indeed. My belly clenched at the full force of a megawatt Jasper smile that only happened about once a decade. "I love you too Alice Hale." He whispered back.

Then his lips were on mine and the world fell away as he claimed me yet again for all eternity. All too quickly he pulled away as the PA system announcing a flight arrival rudely reminded us that we were not alone.

His grin was rueful but there was a promise in his eye. Without a word, he held out his hand again and I eagerly grabbed it, lacing our fingers together. I returned his grin with one of my own as my love and I turned and walked out of the airport terminal straight into our forever.

As we walked toward our family, I knew…underneath it all…that it had all been worth it. Our family was back together…Bella was alive and would be one of us…and most importantly, Jasper and I had survived and would be stronger for as long as we both existed.

A cowboy and his pixie—and a love that would never die.


End file.
